14yo (discussing his team’s loss in water polo): The other team had VERY big kids.
Me: It sounds like you guys played scared.
14yo: We WERE scared.
Me: Well, you can’t be afraid like that.
14yo: If I wanted to overcome fear I’d play football.
Me: …
14yo: Anyway, I got 100% on my science quiz.
Me: It sounds like you guys played scared.
14yo: We WERE scared.
Me: Well, you can’t be afraid like that.
14yo: If I wanted to overcome fear I’d play football.
Me: …
14yo: Anyway, I got 100% on my science quiz.
September 29, 2026 at 10:28 PM
14yo (discussing his team’s loss in water polo): The other team had VERY big kids.
Me: It sounds like you guys played scared.
14yo: We WERE scared.
Me: Well, you can’t be afraid like that.
14yo: If I wanted to overcome fear I’d play football.
Me: …
14yo: Anyway, I got 100% on my science quiz.
Me: It sounds like you guys played scared.
14yo: We WERE scared.
Me: Well, you can’t be afraid like that.
14yo: If I wanted to overcome fear I’d play football.
Me: …
14yo: Anyway, I got 100% on my science quiz.
the rage I felt reading this as the parent of a disabled 14yo
the richest man in the world has decided that your kids don't deserve special education programs
February 17, 2025 at 12:19 AM
the rage I felt reading this as the parent of a disabled 14yo
My 14yo tells me kids who use ChatGPT are referred to as "third-party thinkers"
January 12, 2026 at 7:12 PM
My 14yo tells me kids who use ChatGPT are referred to as "third-party thinkers"
14yo, describing a song: It's by one of those old bands, you know, like the Beatles
14yo: And there's a part where it says "hey ladies, hey fellas, and the people that don't give a fuck"--
Me: CHILD, ARE YOU TALKING ABT LIMP BIZKIT
14yo: Yeah, them!
14yo: And there's a part where it says "hey ladies, hey fellas, and the people that don't give a fuck"--
Me: CHILD, ARE YOU TALKING ABT LIMP BIZKIT
14yo: Yeah, them!
November 14, 2025 at 4:03 AM
14yo, describing a song: It's by one of those old bands, you know, like the Beatles
14yo: And there's a part where it says "hey ladies, hey fellas, and the people that don't give a fuck"--
Me: CHILD, ARE YOU TALKING ABT LIMP BIZKIT
14yo: Yeah, them!
14yo: And there's a part where it says "hey ladies, hey fellas, and the people that don't give a fuck"--
Me: CHILD, ARE YOU TALKING ABT LIMP BIZKIT
14yo: Yeah, them!
Anyway, the 13yo is now the 14yo so I’m going back to birthday party
September 25, 2026 at 11:29 PM
Anyway, the 13yo is now the 14yo so I’m going back to birthday party
i love when people say "sex with a 14yo" instead of "RAPED a 14yo" 😶
July 27, 2025 at 3:25 PM
i love when people say "sex with a 14yo" instead of "RAPED a 14yo" 😶
The emotional intelligence of a never disciplined 14yo.
January 23, 2025 at 3:20 PM
The emotional intelligence of a never disciplined 14yo.
Text from my 14yo daughter just now. Makes a mama proud 💙
February 10, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Text from my 14yo daughter just now. Makes a mama proud 💙
14yo is studying Romeo & Juliet. Verdict: “Oh my GOD these people need to put a shirt on and COMMUNICATE.”
No notes.
No notes.
October 19, 2024 at 2:06 PM
14yo is studying Romeo & Juliet. Verdict: “Oh my GOD these people need to put a shirt on and COMMUNICATE.”
No notes.
No notes.
14yo: So how did that pitched end up doing after he left the Mets?
Me: Freddy Peralta? I don't know. I don't follow baseball.
Me: [looks up Peralta's 0.96 ERA September]
Me: WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? WHY IS THIS LIKE THIS? WHY DOES GOD HATE ME.
14yo: I'm so sorry Daddy, that sucks so hard.
Me: Freddy Peralta? I don't know. I don't follow baseball.
Me: [looks up Peralta's 0.96 ERA September]
Me: WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? WHY IS THIS LIKE THIS? WHY DOES GOD HATE ME.
14yo: I'm so sorry Daddy, that sucks so hard.
October 2, 2026 at 9:59 PM
14yo: So how did that pitched end up doing after he left the Mets?
Me: Freddy Peralta? I don't know. I don't follow baseball.
Me: [looks up Peralta's 0.96 ERA September]
Me: WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? WHY IS THIS LIKE THIS? WHY DOES GOD HATE ME.
14yo: I'm so sorry Daddy, that sucks so hard.
Me: Freddy Peralta? I don't know. I don't follow baseball.
Me: [looks up Peralta's 0.96 ERA September]
Me: WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? WHY IS THIS LIKE THIS? WHY DOES GOD HATE ME.
14yo: I'm so sorry Daddy, that sucks so hard.
Y'all Flavor Flav just liked one of my skeets, my inner 14yo is screaming.
November 29, 2024 at 3:07 AM
Y'all Flavor Flav just liked one of my skeets, my inner 14yo is screaming.
Exactly. There's very little money to grift from 14yo boys.
May 28, 2025 at 7:10 PM
Exactly. There's very little money to grift from 14yo boys.
*studying for science test*
14yo: I can’t remember it all! There’s too much!
*seventeen minutes later*
14yo: *recites long, complex history of fictional video game universe with word-for-word accuracy*
14yo: I can’t remember it all! There’s too much!
*seventeen minutes later*
14yo: *recites long, complex history of fictional video game universe with word-for-word accuracy*
June 11, 2025 at 8:10 PM
*studying for science test*
14yo: I can’t remember it all! There’s too much!
*seventeen minutes later*
14yo: *recites long, complex history of fictional video game universe with word-for-word accuracy*
14yo: I can’t remember it all! There’s too much!
*seventeen minutes later*
14yo: *recites long, complex history of fictional video game universe with word-for-word accuracy*
14yo: Birds are all named either "Red-bearded Black-Bellied Finch," "Stupid Cocksucker," or "Wilson's Little Guy."
May 14, 2025 at 9:08 PM
14yo: Birds are all named either "Red-bearded Black-Bellied Finch," "Stupid Cocksucker," or "Wilson's Little Guy."
Me: … and that contributed to the collapse of the Roman Empire
14yo: do you mean the WESTERN Roman Empire?
Me: yeah
14yo: then you should say that, because in Constantinople …
Me: yeah, of course, obviously
14yo, talking over me: BECAUSE IN CONSTANTINOPLE THE EASTERN EMPIRE CONTINUED FOR CENTURIES
14yo: do you mean the WESTERN Roman Empire?
Me: yeah
14yo: then you should say that, because in Constantinople …
Me: yeah, of course, obviously
14yo, talking over me: BECAUSE IN CONSTANTINOPLE THE EASTERN EMPIRE CONTINUED FOR CENTURIES
December 13, 2025 at 3:47 AM
Me: … and that contributed to the collapse of the Roman Empire
14yo: do you mean the WESTERN Roman Empire?
Me: yeah
14yo: then you should say that, because in Constantinople …
Me: yeah, of course, obviously
14yo, talking over me: BECAUSE IN CONSTANTINOPLE THE EASTERN EMPIRE CONTINUED FOR CENTURIES
14yo: do you mean the WESTERN Roman Empire?
Me: yeah
14yo: then you should say that, because in Constantinople …
Me: yeah, of course, obviously
14yo, talking over me: BECAUSE IN CONSTANTINOPLE THE EASTERN EMPIRE CONTINUED FOR CENTURIES
In 1999 Mike Johnson took a 14yo boy into his home to "raise him"
September 6, 2025 at 3:41 AM
In 1999 Mike Johnson took a 14yo boy into his home to "raise him"
Going back in time to 2000 and attempting to explain this image to my 14yo self
Paul Levesque, aka Triple H, is seated right behind Linda McMahon at her confirmation hearing for Secretary of Education
February 13, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Going back in time to 2000 and attempting to explain this image to my 14yo self
Tried to explain the concept of the phone book to the 14yo this evening.
June 3, 2026 at 6:43 PM
Tried to explain the concept of the phone book to the 14yo this evening.
June 1, 2025 at 12:44 PM
14yo: *explains a plot point in the book that he’s reading that happens to take place at St Paul’s in London*
Me: … and we went there! Doesn’t that feel so cool that you can picture the space where it happens?
14yo: well, it happens in early 1666, before the great fire of London
14yo: so, not really
Me: … and we went there! Doesn’t that feel so cool that you can picture the space where it happens?
14yo: well, it happens in early 1666, before the great fire of London
14yo: so, not really
March 8, 2025 at 1:43 AM
14yo: *explains a plot point in the book that he’s reading that happens to take place at St Paul’s in London*
Me: … and we went there! Doesn’t that feel so cool that you can picture the space where it happens?
14yo: well, it happens in early 1666, before the great fire of London
14yo: so, not really
Me: … and we went there! Doesn’t that feel so cool that you can picture the space where it happens?
14yo: well, it happens in early 1666, before the great fire of London
14yo: so, not really
14yo: it would be really funny if the new pope made putting ketchup on hotdogs a mortal sin
May 8, 2025 at 10:30 PM
14yo: it would be really funny if the new pope made putting ketchup on hotdogs a mortal sin
14yo: your dress looks like it was made out of a table cloth
14yo: but in, like, a good way
14yo: but in, like, a good way
July 25, 2025 at 2:14 PM
14yo: your dress looks like it was made out of a table cloth
14yo: but in, like, a good way
14yo: but in, like, a good way
14yo: is Noah a saint? Or just, like, a guy from the Bible?
Me: I think he’s a biblical patriarch
14yo: because if he was a saint, he could be the patron saint of Pokémon
14yo: get it? because he’s gotta catch ‘em all?
Me: I think he’s a biblical patriarch
14yo: because if he was a saint, he could be the patron saint of Pokémon
14yo: get it? because he’s gotta catch ‘em all?
September 7, 2025 at 12:41 AM
14yo: is Noah a saint? Or just, like, a guy from the Bible?
Me: I think he’s a biblical patriarch
14yo: because if he was a saint, he could be the patron saint of Pokémon
14yo: get it? because he’s gotta catch ‘em all?
Me: I think he’s a biblical patriarch
14yo: because if he was a saint, he could be the patron saint of Pokémon
14yo: get it? because he’s gotta catch ‘em all?
My 14yo was like “I want to play a cool song by a really old band” then she played “Teenagers” by My Chemical
Romance ☠️☠️☠️☠️
Romance ☠️☠️☠️☠️
February 27, 2025 at 1:50 AM
My 14yo was like “I want to play a cool song by a really old band” then she played “Teenagers” by My Chemical
Romance ☠️☠️☠️☠️
Romance ☠️☠️☠️☠️
14yo: stop using portmanteau words!
Me: But I like… portmantords!
(Which happily is pronounced to rhyme with “turds”)
14yo: I’m never talking to you again.
Me: No turds?
14yo: OMG stop
Me: But I like… portmantords!
(Which happily is pronounced to rhyme with “turds”)
14yo: I’m never talking to you again.
Me: No turds?
14yo: OMG stop
March 15, 2025 at 11:54 AM
14yo: stop using portmanteau words!
Me: But I like… portmantords!
(Which happily is pronounced to rhyme with “turds”)
14yo: I’m never talking to you again.
Me: No turds?
14yo: OMG stop
Me: But I like… portmantords!
(Which happily is pronounced to rhyme with “turds”)
14yo: I’m never talking to you again.
Me: No turds?
14yo: OMG stop