Baseball Analysts Call For New Stat Called B.L.E.P.H. theonion.com/baseball-ana...
September 25, 2026 at 4:10 PM
Baseball Analysts Call For New Stat Called B.L.E.P.H. theonion.com/baseball-ana...
This “genius” genuinely believes that healthcare budget analysts can simply be reassigned to making toasters.
April 12, 2025 at 6:02 PM
This “genius” genuinely believes that healthcare budget analysts can simply be reassigned to making toasters.
Analysts Warn U.S. Economy Becoming Overly Dependent On Anne Hathaway https://theonion.com/analysts-warn-u-s-economy-becoming-overly-dependent-on-anne-hathaway/
August 19, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Analysts Warn U.S. Economy Becoming Overly Dependent On Anne Hathaway https://theonion.com/analysts-warn-u-s-economy-becoming-overly-dependent-on-anne-hathaway/
The national average for diesel is currently $6.40 a gallon, and analysts expect it to get worse.
This is not sustainable.
This is not sustainable.
September 17, 2026 at 12:56 PM
The national average for diesel is currently $6.40 a gallon, and analysts expect it to get worse.
This is not sustainable.
This is not sustainable.
Leopard: I will eat your face
Bank analysts: Our baseline assumes no face-eating
Leopard: Chomp chomp chomp
Bank analysts: Our baseline assumes no face-eating
Leopard: Chomp chomp chomp
J.P. Morgan econs on Trump’s latest are “increasingly concerned that the policy mix may tilt into an unintentionally far less business-friendly stance. The sustained 25% tariff on Canada and Mexico set to start this weekend is materially different than the tariff increases built into our baseline.”
February 1, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Leopard: I will eat your face
Bank analysts: Our baseline assumes no face-eating
Leopard: Chomp chomp chomp
Bank analysts: Our baseline assumes no face-eating
Leopard: Chomp chomp chomp
MS NOW: Two Atlanta-based FBI intelligence analysts were fired last week after refusing to participate in the Trump admin's investigation of Georgia's 2020 election.
The analysts told colleagues they did not believe the investigation was justified under FBI and DOJ policies.
The analysts told colleagues they did not believe the investigation was justified under FBI and DOJ policies.
FBI analysts fired after refusing to join Georgia 2020 election probe
The analysts, a husband and wife, told colleagues they did not believe the Trump administration’s investigation was justified, sources told MS NOW.
www.ms.now
July 12, 2026 at 6:25 PM
MS NOW: Two Atlanta-based FBI intelligence analysts were fired last week after refusing to participate in the Trump admin's investigation of Georgia's 2020 election.
The analysts told colleagues they did not believe the investigation was justified under FBI and DOJ policies.
The analysts told colleagues they did not believe the investigation was justified under FBI and DOJ policies.
Analysts Warn U.S. Economy Becoming Overly Dependent On Anne Hathaway
Analysts Warn U.S. Economy Becoming Overly Dependent On Anne Hathaway
NEW YORK—Calling the current rate of theatrical releases starring the actress “unsustainable,” top analysts warned Wednesday that the U.S. economy was becoming overly dependent on Anne Hathaway. “Betw...
theonion.com
August 23, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Analysts Warn U.S. Economy Becoming Overly Dependent On Anne Hathaway
If this was happening in any other country you'd have journalists and analysts discussing risks of state failure
October 11, 2025 at 5:08 PM
If this was happening in any other country you'd have journalists and analysts discussing risks of state failure
The U.S. national debt approached $39 trillion as analysts warned about long-term inflation
Treasury Yields Hit Highest Level Since 2007—Here’s Why Analysts Worry About U.S. Debt
The U.S. national debt approached $39 trillion as analysts warned about long-term inflation
www.forbes.com
May 19, 2026 at 3:35 PM
The U.S. national debt approached $39 trillion as analysts warned about long-term inflation
Data Analysts Recommend Investigation Into Trump's Pennsylvania Win: Data analysts are recommending an investigation into the ballot counting system in Pennsylvania after Trump's comments raised concerns.
Data Analysts Recommend Investigation Into Trump's Pennsylvania Win
Data analysts are recommending an investigation into the ballot counting system in Pennsylvania after Trump's comments raised concerns.
www.politicususa.com
February 13, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Data Analysts Recommend Investigation Into Trump's Pennsylvania Win: Data analysts are recommending an investigation into the ballot counting system in Pennsylvania after Trump's comments raised concerns.
Analysts Warn U.S. Economy Becoming Overly Dependent On Anne Hathaway
August 20, 2026 at 5:00 PM
Analysts Warn U.S. Economy Becoming Overly Dependent On Anne Hathaway
European defense analysts these days.
February 17, 2025 at 8:08 PM
European defense analysts these days.
Covers all the bases. Analysts are crap.
MORGAN STANLEY on $TSLA:
“.. with the stock down 50% our investor conversations are focused on management distraction, brand degradation and lost auto sales.
“Given the upcoming catalysts .. we see scope for the shares to test our $200 bear case and our $800 bull case within the next 12 months.”
“.. with the stock down 50% our investor conversations are focused on management distraction, brand degradation and lost auto sales.
“Given the upcoming catalysts .. we see scope for the shares to test our $200 bear case and our $800 bull case within the next 12 months.”
March 11, 2025 at 10:47 AM
Covers all the bases. Analysts are crap.
Analysts Say Paramount-Warner Bros. Merger Offers Best Shot At ‘Sex And The City’ Reboot Starring Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles https://theonion.com/analysts-say-paramount-warner-bros-merger-offers-best-shot-at-sex-and-the-city-reboot-starring-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/
April 2, 2026 at 3:35 PM
Analysts Say Paramount-Warner Bros. Merger Offers Best Shot At ‘Sex And The City’ Reboot Starring Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles https://theonion.com/analysts-say-paramount-warner-bros-merger-offers-best-shot-at-sex-and-the-city-reboot-starring-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/
Karoline Leavitt: "I’ve already seen many forensic analysts of signatures coming out. I believe it was The Daily Signal that published a piece with 3 separate signature analysts who said this absolutely was not the president’s authentic signature."
I cannot find any such Daily Signal piece on this.
I cannot find any such Daily Signal piece on this.
September 9, 2025 at 7:13 PM
Karoline Leavitt: "I’ve already seen many forensic analysts of signatures coming out. I believe it was The Daily Signal that published a piece with 3 separate signature analysts who said this absolutely was not the president’s authentic signature."
I cannot find any such Daily Signal piece on this.
I cannot find any such Daily Signal piece on this.
It seems to me that this administration will keep firing intelligence analysts until they can find one who will lie to justify the regime disappearing perceived enemies to foreign torture dungeons.
May 18, 2025 at 5:23 PM
It seems to me that this administration will keep firing intelligence analysts until they can find one who will lie to justify the regime disappearing perceived enemies to foreign torture dungeons.
a lot of analysts, full stop. it's cope.
A lot of Russian and Russia analysts are projecting a level of strategic coherence and discipline on the Trump administration for which there is currently little evidence
August 8, 2025 at 1:54 PM
a lot of analysts, full stop. it's cope.
Reporter: Wall Street analysts have a new term called the TACO trade.. Saying Trump always chickens out on tariffs…
Trump: I kick out?
Reporter: Chicken out.
Trump: I kick out?
Reporter: Chicken out.
May 28, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Reporter: Wall Street analysts have a new term called the TACO trade.. Saying Trump always chickens out on tariffs…
Trump: I kick out?
Reporter: Chicken out.
Trump: I kick out?
Reporter: Chicken out.
“.. Analysts expect Beijing to leverage its dominance .. as a bargaining chip ..”
@wsj.com
www.wsj.com/economy/trad...
@wsj.com
www.wsj.com/economy/trad...
May 9, 2025 at 11:27 AM
“.. Analysts expect Beijing to leverage its dominance .. as a bargaining chip ..”
@wsj.com
www.wsj.com/economy/trad...
@wsj.com
www.wsj.com/economy/trad...
🔥🚀 Ukrainian military and analysts write that we struck the Russian S-400 in Crimea!
November 29, 2024 at 10:00 AM
🔥🚀 Ukrainian military and analysts write that we struck the Russian S-400 in Crimea!
This is terrible clickbait. He actually made a very good point: all the WNBA analysts (like McNutt) also cover the NBA, so why don't the male NBA analysts cover the WNBA??
August 17, 2026 at 1:46 PM
This is terrible clickbait. He actually made a very good point: all the WNBA analysts (like McNutt) also cover the NBA, so why don't the male NBA analysts cover the WNBA??
extremely funny to me that analysts whose entire job is to think about these possibilities are only now catching up to Bluesky Consensus
RAPIDAN: We “no longer assume a near-term return to freedom of navigation through the Strait of Hormuz. Instead, we expect ongoing military risks to constrain vessel transits .. well into next year ..” 👀
July 21, 2026 at 6:51 PM
extremely funny to me that analysts whose entire job is to think about these possibilities are only now catching up to Bluesky Consensus
There’s a major shift in U.S. cybersecurity policy. A recent CISA memo removed Russia from its list of priorities, focusing instead on China and local systems. Analysts were told not to track Russian cyber threats.
March 3, 2025 at 2:58 PM
There’s a major shift in U.S. cybersecurity policy. A recent CISA memo removed Russia from its list of priorities, focusing instead on China and local systems. Analysts were told not to track Russian cyber threats.