Commit the sin of empathy.
January 25, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Commit the sin of empathy.
We'll commit to a slice 🥧
Happy Pi Day!
Happy Pi Day!
March 14, 2025 at 5:27 PM
We'll commit to a slice 🥧
Happy Pi Day!
Happy Pi Day!
What kind of crimes do cats commit?
Felineys!
Felineys!
December 4, 2024 at 7:41 PM
What kind of crimes do cats commit?
Felineys!
Felineys!
Pardoned insurrectionists commit crimes at a higher rate than immigrants.
ALERT: Jan 6 riot defendant Chris Moynihan has pleaded GUILTY to charge of Aggravated Harassment in the 2nd Degree in New York for sending a text message in which he threatened Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) in 2025
Moynihan is latest pardoned rioter to plead guilty to new crime
Moynihan is latest pardoned rioter to plead guilty to new crime
February 9, 2026 at 8:42 PM
Pardoned insurrectionists commit crimes at a higher rate than immigrants.
We need to stop fining corporations for the crimes they commit and start jailing the execs who make the decision to commit crimes
If corporations are people because people run corporations, then people ought to go to jail for the crimes the people running those corporations commit
If corporations are people because people run corporations, then people ought to go to jail for the crimes the people running those corporations commit
August 11, 2026 at 12:30 PM
We need to stop fining corporations for the crimes they commit and start jailing the execs who make the decision to commit crimes
If corporations are people because people run corporations, then people ought to go to jail for the crimes the people running those corporations commit
If corporations are people because people run corporations, then people ought to go to jail for the crimes the people running those corporations commit
“A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again.” -Trump
Article III
The following acts shall be punishable:
(a) Genocide;
(b) Conspiracy to commit genocide;
(c) Direct and public incitement to commit genocide;
(d) Attempt to commit genocide;
(e) Complicity in genocide.
Article III
The following acts shall be punishable:
(a) Genocide;
(b) Conspiracy to commit genocide;
(c) Direct and public incitement to commit genocide;
(d) Attempt to commit genocide;
(e) Complicity in genocide.
April 7, 2026 at 2:11 PM
“A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again.” -Trump
Article III
The following acts shall be punishable:
(a) Genocide;
(b) Conspiracy to commit genocide;
(c) Direct and public incitement to commit genocide;
(d) Attempt to commit genocide;
(e) Complicity in genocide.
Article III
The following acts shall be punishable:
(a) Genocide;
(b) Conspiracy to commit genocide;
(c) Direct and public incitement to commit genocide;
(d) Attempt to commit genocide;
(e) Complicity in genocide.
Thou shalt not commit blasphemy against Samuel L. Jackson’s monologue in Pulp Fiction, motherfucker.
April 17, 2026 at 1:40 AM
Thou shalt not commit blasphemy against Samuel L. Jackson’s monologue in Pulp Fiction, motherfucker.
Always commit to the bit
December 10, 2024 at 12:11 AM
Always commit to the bit
We need to stop fining corporations for the crimes they commit and start jailing the execs who make the decision to commit crimes
If corporations are people because people run corporations, then people ought to go to jail for the crimes the people running those corporations commit
If corporations are people because people run corporations, then people ought to go to jail for the crimes the people running those corporations commit
August 10, 2026 at 6:50 PM
We need to stop fining corporations for the crimes they commit and start jailing the execs who make the decision to commit crimes
If corporations are people because people run corporations, then people ought to go to jail for the crimes the people running those corporations commit
If corporations are people because people run corporations, then people ought to go to jail for the crimes the people running those corporations commit
Garcia to Noem: "Can you commit to just letting his mother know mother to mother if Andry is alive? He was given an asylum appointment by the United States government."
(Noem wouldn't commit to it.)
(Noem wouldn't commit to it.)
May 14, 2025 at 5:27 PM
Garcia to Noem: "Can you commit to just letting his mother know mother to mother if Andry is alive? He was given an asylum appointment by the United States government."
(Noem wouldn't commit to it.)
(Noem wouldn't commit to it.)
Oh, look! Two countries that commit war crimes don't like being held accountable. Who'd have guessed?
July 14, 2026 at 3:02 PM
Oh, look! Two countries that commit war crimes don't like being held accountable. Who'd have guessed?
if you replaced these guys' inboxes with a woman sportswriter's, they'd commit suicide by lunchtime
“Frightened for the safety of their families.”
America, 2025.
America, 2025.
March 8, 2025 at 4:14 PM
if you replaced these guys' inboxes with a woman sportswriter's, they'd commit suicide by lunchtime
Royals that commit crimes straight to jail.
Politicians that commit crimes straight to jail.
Oligarchs that commit crimes straight to jail.
Corpos that commit crimes straight to jail.
Commit a crime, straight to jail.
#3E #EndImpunity
Politicians that commit crimes straight to jail.
Oligarchs that commit crimes straight to jail.
Corpos that commit crimes straight to jail.
Commit a crime, straight to jail.
#3E #EndImpunity
October 21, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Royals that commit crimes straight to jail.
Politicians that commit crimes straight to jail.
Oligarchs that commit crimes straight to jail.
Corpos that commit crimes straight to jail.
Commit a crime, straight to jail.
#3E #EndImpunity
Politicians that commit crimes straight to jail.
Oligarchs that commit crimes straight to jail.
Corpos that commit crimes straight to jail.
Commit a crime, straight to jail.
#3E #EndImpunity
Commit to the fit
May 28, 2026 at 10:35 PM
Commit to the fit
Dems should commit to impeach Bondi and refer to bar for disbarment.
September 25, 2025 at 11:21 PM
Dems should commit to impeach Bondi and refer to bar for disbarment.
Democratic House Rep. Ted Lieu tells the Joint Staff to ignore illegal orders to commit war crimes from Donald Trump:
“If you commit war crimes, the next Administration will prosecute you.”
🔥
“If you commit war crimes, the next Administration will prosecute you.”
🔥
April 6, 2026 at 10:17 PM
Democratic House Rep. Ted Lieu tells the Joint Staff to ignore illegal orders to commit war crimes from Donald Trump:
“If you commit war crimes, the next Administration will prosecute you.”
🔥
“If you commit war crimes, the next Administration will prosecute you.”
🔥
I refuse to commit this as my karma.
May 30, 2025 at 10:06 AM
I refuse to commit this as my karma.
guys what if a boy was actually a girl. lets commit civilizational suicide
September 18, 2026 at 8:25 PM
guys what if a boy was actually a girl. lets commit civilizational suicide
Abolish ICE and prosecute everyone who stays in it from this day forward as members of a criminal conspiracy to commit murder.
January 24, 2026 at 6:49 PM
Abolish ICE and prosecute everyone who stays in it from this day forward as members of a criminal conspiracy to commit murder.
Commit to the fit
July 16, 2025 at 9:39 PM
Commit to the fit
Not since Prohibition have so many Americans wanted to commit the same crime at once
February 28, 2025 at 7:27 PM
Not since Prohibition have so many Americans wanted to commit the same crime at once
Elon Musk Touts Project To Teach Neuralink Monkeys To Commit Sexual Harassment
theonion.com/elon-mu...
theonion.com/elon-mu...
May 1, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Elon Musk Touts Project To Teach Neuralink Monkeys To Commit Sexual Harassment
theonion.com/elon-mu...
theonion.com/elon-mu...
The wealthy commit fraud WAY MORE than the rest of us do. They also serve WAY LESS time in prison.
February 27, 2025 at 7:12 PM
The wealthy commit fraud WAY MORE than the rest of us do. They also serve WAY LESS time in prison.
It shouldn't be difficult to commit to preserving the evidence from the Special Counsel’s January 6th investigation.
And yet...
And yet...
January 15, 2025 at 9:14 PM
It shouldn't be difficult to commit to preserving the evidence from the Special Counsel’s January 6th investigation.
And yet...
And yet...
the FEMA director refuses to commit to the future existence of FEMA
July 23, 2025 at 3:43 PM
the FEMA director refuses to commit to the future existence of FEMA