Rural Nebraskan Not Sure He Could Handle Frantic Pace Of Omaha
theonion.com/rural-n...
theonion.com/rural-n...
June 5, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Rural Nebraskan Not Sure He Could Handle Frantic Pace Of Omaha
theonion.com/rural-n...
theonion.com/rural-n...
Frantic, Last-Second Study Finds Old-Fashioned Donut Better For You Than Bavarian Cream https://theonion.com/frantic-last-second-study-finds-old-fashioned-donut-be-1819811037/
October 8, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Frantic, Last-Second Study Finds Old-Fashioned Donut Better For You Than Bavarian Cream https://theonion.com/frantic-last-second-study-finds-old-fashioned-donut-be-1819811037/
There’s currently a frantic search taking place for two US pilots who were shot down in Iran, and this idiot is talking about taking the oil.
April 3, 2026 at 1:09 PM
There’s currently a frantic search taking place for two US pilots who were shot down in Iran, and this idiot is talking about taking the oil.
There's a squirrel on the deck and Clover is frantic!
June 15, 2026 at 11:39 PM
There's a squirrel on the deck and Clover is frantic!
Meaning that TACO Trump received frantic phone calls from some of his rich friends who employ migrants.
June 12, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Meaning that TACO Trump received frantic phone calls from some of his rich friends who employ migrants.
This story sounds familiar. www.nytimes.com/2025/07/24/u...
How a Frantic Scouring of the Epstein Files Consumed the Justice Dept.
www.nytimes.com
July 24, 2025 at 10:31 PM
This story sounds familiar. www.nytimes.com/2025/07/24/u...
Frantic rolling and leggy licking
March 13, 2025 at 9:33 AM
Frantic rolling and leggy licking
Me editing Pantheon right now.
Happy Cartoon Character Frantic Running
Alt: Frantic Running puppet
static.klipy.com
August 8, 2026 at 4:08 PM
Me editing Pantheon right now.
the brand emails are becoming increasingly frantic
November 30, 2024 at 7:35 PM
the brand emails are becoming increasingly frantic
Breaking | Trump orders airstrikes to aid Nigerian Christians despite Stephen Miller's frantic cries that Nigerian Christians are Black.
December 26, 2025 at 1:14 AM
Breaking | Trump orders airstrikes to aid Nigerian Christians despite Stephen Miller's frantic cries that Nigerian Christians are Black.
Somehow I expected this to be a bit more frantic.
October 18, 2024 at 4:28 PM
Somehow I expected this to be a bit more frantic.
Word of the day (of course) is ‘scurryfunging’, from US dialect: the frantic attempt to tidy the house just before guests arrive.
December 23, 2024 at 12:54 PM
Word of the day (of course) is ‘scurryfunging’, from US dialect: the frantic attempt to tidy the house just before guests arrive.
Frantic nurse: We're losing him!
Doctor who thinks irritating pessimism is savvy: You're a fool to think we ever had him
Doctor who thinks irritating pessimism is savvy: You're a fool to think we ever had him
April 4, 2026 at 3:34 PM
Frantic nurse: We're losing him!
Doctor who thinks irritating pessimism is savvy: You're a fool to think we ever had him
Doctor who thinks irritating pessimism is savvy: You're a fool to think we ever had him
Are you ready for that frantic commute on Monday morning?
July 19, 2026 at 5:52 AM
Are you ready for that frantic commute on Monday morning?
I hate when my frantic attempts to change my fate ironically lead to the same outcome prophesied by the soothsayer
October 30, 2023 at 6:48 PM
I hate when my frantic attempts to change my fate ironically lead to the same outcome prophesied by the soothsayer
yeah it’s FCF
Frantic Commit Friday
Frantic Commit Friday
September 6, 2024 at 8:46 PM
yeah it’s FCF
Frantic Commit Friday
Frantic Commit Friday
saw a video of someone giving their bunny a really long dandelion. *frantic*
December 5, 2024 at 11:59 AM
saw a video of someone giving their bunny a really long dandelion. *frantic*
*frantic shushing motions*
February 27, 2025 at 5:19 PM
*frantic shushing motions*
Road-Kill Squirrel Remembered As Frantic, Indecisive
What is the quintessential Onion headline? The strong contender that just randomly popped in my mind is "Hank Williams Jr. Honored by Institute For Football Preparedness"
May 19, 2024 at 4:47 PM
Road-Kill Squirrel Remembered As Frantic, Indecisive
Frantic Republicans, looking down catastrophic losses, a month from now: “Look, what if *we* impeach him? If we impeach him, can we keep our jobs?”
"Unless you’re at a crypto convention, it’s hard to find people who feel their lives have been improved by Trump’s policies. So some candidates have decided the risk of opposing him — which could mean incurring his wrath and losing some supporters — is smaller than the risk of *not* opposing him."
The trickle of Republicans opposing Trump will become a flood
The risk of bucking him is now outweighed by the risk of NOT opposing him.
www.publicnotice.co
September 23, 2026 at 3:15 PM
Frantic Republicans, looking down catastrophic losses, a month from now: “Look, what if *we* impeach him? If we impeach him, can we keep our jobs?”
Time for some frantic Eurosport posting from the NYT’s chief presidential age correspondent
March 24, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Time for some frantic Eurosport posting from the NYT’s chief presidential age correspondent