Trump Claims He Was Falling Man https://theonion.com/trump-claims-he-was-falling-man/
September 10, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Trump Claims He Was Falling Man https://theonion.com/trump-claims-he-was-falling-man/
This man is a monster. He seeks out women survivors because he hates them. And he hates them because he hates himself. He has harassed me and other women survivors many times over the years. It must end. He should never have a job anywhere.
Michael Tracey is actively attempting to dox Jane Doe in the Cornell 7 rape case
September 29, 2026 at 10:42 AM
This man is a monster. He seeks out women survivors because he hates them. And he hates them because he hates himself. He has harassed me and other women survivors many times over the years. It must end. He should never have a job anywhere.
Man Who Threw Molotov Cocktail At Sam Altman’s Home Claims He Was Following ChatGPT Recipe For Risotto https://theonion.com/man-who-threw-molotov-cocktail-at-sam-altmans-home-claims-he-was-following-chatgpt-recipe-for-risotto/
April 13, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Man Who Threw Molotov Cocktail At Sam Altman’s Home Claims He Was Following ChatGPT Recipe For Risotto https://theonion.com/man-who-threw-molotov-cocktail-at-sam-altmans-home-claims-he-was-following-chatgpt-recipe-for-risotto/
Fuck man he even addressed the top shortage
September 18, 2026 at 3:14 PM
Fuck man he even addressed the top shortage
“Poor man wanna be rich. Rich man wanna be king. The king ain’t satisfied ‘til he rules everything.”—Springsteen, Badlands
May 16, 2025 at 3:38 PM
“Poor man wanna be rich. Rich man wanna be king. The king ain’t satisfied ‘til he rules everything.”—Springsteen, Badlands
Man Can’t Believe He Has To Download Stupid App Just To Bribe President
theonion.com/man-can...
theonion.com/man-can...
May 12, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Man Can’t Believe He Has To Download Stupid App Just To Bribe President
theonion.com/man-can...
theonion.com/man-can...
Friend shared this video of a man unveiling the library he hid when he fled Damascus in 2011. It’s incredible
September 17, 2026 at 9:41 AM
Friend shared this video of a man unveiling the library he hid when he fled Damascus in 2011. It’s incredible
SCAM ALERT!! if this man tells you he did not get breakfast he is lying!!! he scammed us out of two breakfasts!!
September 5, 2024 at 11:47 AM
SCAM ALERT!! if this man tells you he did not get breakfast he is lying!!! he scammed us out of two breakfasts!!
Working Man Proud Of Job He Hates https://theonion.com/working-man-proud-of-job-he-hates-1819567149/
September 7, 2026 at 2:00 PM
Working Man Proud Of Job He Hates https://theonion.com/working-man-proud-of-job-he-hates-1819567149/
I miss President Obama so much. I will love that man forever.
Was he perfect? No.
But he was a man filled with decency, with an aura that moved your soul. He never punched down on people or dehumanized groups for a laugh. He understood the solemnity of the office, and he remains such a good man.
Was he perfect? No.
But he was a man filled with decency, with an aura that moved your soul. He never punched down on people or dehumanized groups for a laugh. He understood the solemnity of the office, and he remains such a good man.
April 17, 2026 at 1:45 AM
I miss President Obama so much. I will love that man forever.
Was he perfect? No.
But he was a man filled with decency, with an aura that moved your soul. He never punched down on people or dehumanized groups for a laugh. He understood the solemnity of the office, and he remains such a good man.
Was he perfect? No.
But he was a man filled with decency, with an aura that moved your soul. He never punched down on people or dehumanized groups for a laugh. He understood the solemnity of the office, and he remains such a good man.
September 12, 2026 at 3:43 PM
"Poor, sad, stupid orange white man. He would sell his soul—and country—for a few hollow words of praise."
September 25, 2026 at 3:34 PM
"Poor, sad, stupid orange white man. He would sell his soul—and country—for a few hollow words of praise."
Man he really hates being called a taco, doesn’t he? Might even say he’s got a thin shell.
June 3, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Man he really hates being called a taco, doesn’t he? Might even say he’s got a thin shell.
Everywhere this man goes he should be treated as if he murdered millions of children, because he did.
The Project 2025 architect who promised to put federal employees “in trauma” is spending $15 million of former USAID funding—money that would have gone toward fighting HIV, polio, malaria, and other diseases—to bankroll his security detail. trib.al/TSV3cmb
February 16, 2026 at 11:47 AM
Everywhere this man goes he should be treated as if he murdered millions of children, because he did.
Man Wouldn't Have Worn Costume To Work If He'd Known He Was Getting Laid Off
October 31, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Man Wouldn't Have Worn Costume To Work If He'd Known He Was Getting Laid Off
Man Doesn’t Like Who He Becomes When He’s Around Salsa https://theonion.com/man-doesnt-like-who-he-becomes-when-hes-around-salsa/
August 18, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Man Doesn’t Like Who He Becomes When He’s Around Salsa https://theonion.com/man-doesnt-like-who-he-becomes-when-hes-around-salsa/
Regretful Man Realizes He Would Be Rich By Now If He Had Invested In Rice 7,000 Years Ago https://theonion.com/regretful-man-realizes-he-would-be-rich-by-now-if-he-had-invested-in-rice-7000-years-ago/
September 23, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Regretful Man Realizes He Would Be Rich By Now If He Had Invested In Rice 7,000 Years Ago https://theonion.com/regretful-man-realizes-he-would-be-rich-by-now-if-he-had-invested-in-rice-7000-years-ago/
Give a man a fish. He feeds for a day.
Teach a man to fish. He feeds for a lifetime.
Teach a billionaire to fish. He buys all the lakes and rivers and then charges you to fish them.
Teach a man to fish. He feeds for a lifetime.
Teach a billionaire to fish. He buys all the lakes and rivers and then charges you to fish them.
November 29, 2024 at 10:18 PM
Give a man a fish. He feeds for a day.
Teach a man to fish. He feeds for a lifetime.
Teach a billionaire to fish. He buys all the lakes and rivers and then charges you to fish them.
Teach a man to fish. He feeds for a lifetime.
Teach a billionaire to fish. He buys all the lakes and rivers and then charges you to fish them.
Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn't Even Know He Still Had theonion.com/man-who...
August 8, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn't Even Know He Still Had theonion.com/man-who...
"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else." - John Burroughs
April 21, 2025 at 9:33 PM
"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else." - John Burroughs
Man Likes Woman So Much He Marries Her https://theonion.com/man-likes-woman-so-much-he-marries-her-1819569538/
December 15, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Man Likes Woman So Much He Marries Her https://theonion.com/man-likes-woman-so-much-he-marries-her-1819569538/
this man should get combat pay bc he was FIGHTING here
August 5, 2026 at 12:12 AM
this man should get combat pay bc he was FIGHTING here
There’s been a lot of talk in this race about what makes a "real man."
A man does what’s right when no one is watching. He upholds his commitments to his family and neighbors. He doesn’t lie, cheat, & steal his way through life.
Real men serve others. Weak men serve themselves.
A man does what’s right when no one is watching. He upholds his commitments to his family and neighbors. He doesn’t lie, cheat, & steal his way through life.
Real men serve others. Weak men serve themselves.
June 4, 2026 at 8:10 PM
There’s been a lot of talk in this race about what makes a "real man."
A man does what’s right when no one is watching. He upholds his commitments to his family and neighbors. He doesn’t lie, cheat, & steal his way through life.
Real men serve others. Weak men serve themselves.
A man does what’s right when no one is watching. He upholds his commitments to his family and neighbors. He doesn’t lie, cheat, & steal his way through life.
Real men serve others. Weak men serve themselves.