Flight Attendant Quietly Informs First Class Passengers Where Real Emergency Exits Are https://theonion.com/flight-attendant-quietly-informs-first-class-passengers-1819576296/
March 8, 2026 at 3:00 PM
Flight Attendant Quietly Informs First Class Passengers Where Real Emergency Exits Are https://theonion.com/flight-attendant-quietly-informs-first-class-passengers-1819576296/
Area Dad Informs Busboy He’s Ready To Order https://theonion.com/area-dad-informs-busboy-he-s-ready-to-order-1819578117/
August 29, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Area Dad Informs Busboy He’s Ready To Order https://theonion.com/area-dad-informs-busboy-he-s-ready-to-order-1819578117/
Mile High Club informs Corey Lewandowski he must now philander commercial.
March 5, 2026 at 7:28 PM
Mile High Club informs Corey Lewandowski he must now philander commercial.
Simple, direct, accurate framing that informs the public. NYT is incapable of this apparently.
Well done RollingStone for reporting it accurately.
December 24, 2024 at 4:48 AM
Simple, direct, accurate framing that informs the public. NYT is incapable of this apparently.
God Informs Humanity Choking People Meant To Die https://theonion.com/god-informs-humanity-choking-people-meant-to-die/
January 26, 2026 at 9:00 PM
God Informs Humanity Choking People Meant To Die https://theonion.com/god-informs-humanity-choking-people-meant-to-die/
Thanksgiving Guests Freeze In Disbelief After Teenager Informs Them Of Native American Genocide https://theonion.com/thanksgiving-guests-freeze-in-disbelief-after-teenager-1848076742/
November 27, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Thanksgiving Guests Freeze In Disbelief After Teenager Informs Them Of Native American Genocide https://theonion.com/thanksgiving-guests-freeze-in-disbelief-after-teenager-1848076742/
The Department of War regretfully informs you your husband has died lethalitymaxxing in Operation Epic Furry
March 2, 2026 at 8:40 AM
The Department of War regretfully informs you your husband has died lethalitymaxxing in Operation Epic Furry
Trump Informs Nation They Better Start Liking Those Little Canned Wieners
Trump Informs Nation They Better Start Liking Those Little Canned Wieners
WASHINGTON—Saying that Americans should anticipate certain lifestyle changes as a result of his newly announced tariffs, President Donald Trump informed the nation Thursday that they better start liki...
theonion.com
April 3, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Trump Informs Nation They Better Start Liking Those Little Canned Wieners
How long before SCOTUS crisply informs us that the current coup is an "official act" of the presidency?
February 4, 2025 at 4:41 PM
How long before SCOTUS crisply informs us that the current coup is an "official act" of the presidency?
SAUDI ARABIA INFORMS EUROPEAN OIL REFINERS THEY WILL NOT RECEIVE ANY CRUDE OIL NEXT MONTH.
September 18, 2026 at 11:08 AM
SAUDI ARABIA INFORMS EUROPEAN OIL REFINERS THEY WILL NOT RECEIVE ANY CRUDE OIL NEXT MONTH.
💰 WATCH: “How is that happening?” 🤷🏼♂️
@aoc.bsky.social informs a confused RFK Jr. that his own HHS is stuffing the pockets of insurance companies by doubling the rates taxpayers pay them even as they defraud us. 🤔
@aoc.bsky.social informs a confused RFK Jr. that his own HHS is stuffing the pockets of insurance companies by doubling the rates taxpayers pay them even as they defraud us. 🤔
June 24, 2025 at 6:13 PM
💰 WATCH: “How is that happening?” 🤷🏼♂️
@aoc.bsky.social informs a confused RFK Jr. that his own HHS is stuffing the pockets of insurance companies by doubling the rates taxpayers pay them even as they defraud us. 🤔
@aoc.bsky.social informs a confused RFK Jr. that his own HHS is stuffing the pockets of insurance companies by doubling the rates taxpayers pay them even as they defraud us. 🤔
My dad informs me that the great classical pianist Ruth Slenczynska has passed away at 101.
April 27, 2026 at 7:49 PM
My dad informs me that the great classical pianist Ruth Slenczynska has passed away at 101.
I mean, they're not even trying to be subtle about it
February 9, 2025 at 8:23 PM
I mean, they're not even trying to be subtle about it
My daughter informs me “everyone on Tik Tok” is gouling out too. So great time for the White House to start posting there.
August 30, 2025 at 4:25 AM
My daughter informs me “everyone on Tik Tok” is gouling out too. So great time for the White House to start posting there.
Masayoshi Son to “cross rubicon” and informs shareholders “coming back will be very easy”
SoftBank tests its own borrowing limits with $30bn bet on OpenAI ft.trib.al/UzamkQe
SoftBank tests its own borrowing limits with $30bn bet on OpenAI
ft.trib.al
March 24, 2026 at 3:12 AM
Masayoshi Son to “cross rubicon” and informs shareholders “coming back will be very easy”
Endless cycle of art informs sculpt informs art informs sculp
May 17, 2025 at 10:52 PM
Endless cycle of art informs sculpt informs art informs sculp
One of Robert Prevost's priorities has been the welfare of migrants.
How long before he crisply informs a certain cretin in the White House that what he is doing to them is evil?
How long before he crisply informs a certain cretin in the White House that what he is doing to them is evil?
May 8, 2025 at 5:57 PM
One of Robert Prevost's priorities has been the welfare of migrants.
How long before he crisply informs a certain cretin in the White House that what he is doing to them is evil?
How long before he crisply informs a certain cretin in the White House that what he is doing to them is evil?
Watch the Fox table freak out when Jessica Tarlov informs them the numbers show far right white supremacist terrorism has killed more people since 9/11
January 4, 2025 at 12:41 AM
Watch the Fox table freak out when Jessica Tarlov informs them the numbers show far right white supremacist terrorism has killed more people since 9/11
my wife informs me this is the more truthful set
January 31, 2025 at 7:46 PM
my wife informs me this is the more truthful set
Whenever someone informs me that they don't believe in using the Oxford comma, I feel surprised, saddened, and disappointed.
July 20, 2026 at 8:06 PM
Whenever someone informs me that they don't believe in using the Oxford comma, I feel surprised, saddened, and disappointed.
it's not a coincidence that terfs are attacking a non-white cis woman for punching "too hard" during an olympic boxing match. nor is it contradictory that terfs will casually discard the womanhood of a non-white cis woman. transphobia informs their racism, racism informs their transphobia.
August 1, 2024 at 11:26 PM
it's not a coincidence that terfs are attacking a non-white cis woman for punching "too hard" during an olympic boxing match. nor is it contradictory that terfs will casually discard the womanhood of a non-white cis woman. transphobia informs their racism, racism informs their transphobia.
In non- pipeline news: I'm at a diner and the kid at the next table informs me that "This is the best apple juice I've had IN MY LIFE."
Small joys
Small joys
November 28, 2025 at 5:43 PM
In non- pipeline news: I'm at a diner and the kid at the next table informs me that "This is the best apple juice I've had IN MY LIFE."
Small joys
Small joys
Number 598: a baseball cap that informs people whether or not you’re circumcised
October 11, 2025 at 9:25 PM
Number 598: a baseball cap that informs people whether or not you’re circumcised
the ministry of truth informs the public that the leak of national security info is good, actually
March 27, 2025 at 12:43 PM
the ministry of truth informs the public that the leak of national security info is good, actually