I am doing many businesses today. Today I am Business Scalzi. Business Scalzi sometimes confuses people who are only used to Writer Scalzi or Goofball Scalzi. Business Scalzi is not a goofball. Business Scalzi is very serious. Business Scalzi wants to know where his money is, motherfucker.
August 12, 2026 at 5:14 PM
I am doing many businesses today. Today I am Business Scalzi. Business Scalzi sometimes confuses people who are only used to Writer Scalzi or Goofball Scalzi. Business Scalzi is not a goofball. Business Scalzi is very serious. Business Scalzi wants to know where his money is, motherfucker.
John Scalzi: [carrying tray of burritos] who wants delicious burritos?!
Scalzi: you've got your choice
Scalzi: peanut butter and mayo
Scalzi: apple sauce and vodka sauce
Scalzi: chicken adobo and asbestos
Scalzi: beef stroganoff and gravel
Scalzi: you've got your choice
Scalzi: peanut butter and mayo
Scalzi: apple sauce and vodka sauce
Scalzi: chicken adobo and asbestos
Scalzi: beef stroganoff and gravel
July 13, 2026 at 5:17 PM
John Scalzi: [carrying tray of burritos] who wants delicious burritos?!
Scalzi: you've got your choice
Scalzi: peanut butter and mayo
Scalzi: apple sauce and vodka sauce
Scalzi: chicken adobo and asbestos
Scalzi: beef stroganoff and gravel
Scalzi: you've got your choice
Scalzi: peanut butter and mayo
Scalzi: apple sauce and vodka sauce
Scalzi: chicken adobo and asbestos
Scalzi: beef stroganoff and gravel
no problems ever in cornffield because good Shape and Support for Scalzi neck weak of big Scalzi head. Acornfield yes a place for Scalzi put Scalzi in cornfield can trust corn for giveing good love to Scalzi. friend corn
August 4, 2026 at 5:21 PM
no problems ever in cornffield because good Shape and Support for Scalzi neck weak of big Scalzi head. Acornfield yes a place for Scalzi put Scalzi in cornfield can trust corn for giveing good love to Scalzi. friend corn
King: ha ha! these joke flavors are hilarious!
King: leave it to acclaimed humorist john scalzi to come up with a funny new twist on an old favorite!
Scalzi: joke flavors?!?
Scalzi: i mean
Scalzi: yeah... joke flavors...
Scalzi: yeah that's the ticket
Scalzi: i am quite the humorist aren't i?
King: leave it to acclaimed humorist john scalzi to come up with a funny new twist on an old favorite!
Scalzi: joke flavors?!?
Scalzi: i mean
Scalzi: yeah... joke flavors...
Scalzi: yeah that's the ticket
Scalzi: i am quite the humorist aren't i?
July 13, 2026 at 5:18 PM
King: ha ha! these joke flavors are hilarious!
King: leave it to acclaimed humorist john scalzi to come up with a funny new twist on an old favorite!
Scalzi: joke flavors?!?
Scalzi: i mean
Scalzi: yeah... joke flavors...
Scalzi: yeah that's the ticket
Scalzi: i am quite the humorist aren't i?
King: leave it to acclaimed humorist john scalzi to come up with a funny new twist on an old favorite!
Scalzi: joke flavors?!?
Scalzi: i mean
Scalzi: yeah... joke flavors...
Scalzi: yeah that's the ticket
Scalzi: i am quite the humorist aren't i?
cornfeld perfec t size for put @scalzi.com in to n\ap! inside very Soft and Comfort Scalzi sleep soundly put Scalzi in Cornfield. Put Scalzi In Cornfield.
August 4, 2026 at 5:21 PM
cornfeld perfec t size for put @scalzi.com in to n\ap! inside very Soft and Comfort Scalzi sleep soundly put Scalzi in Cornfield. Put Scalzi In Cornfield.
Scalzi: well, terry Pratchett is technically fantasy
Koontz: what about douglas adams?
Scalzi: ok sure, yeah there's douglas adams
Scalzi: that's fair
Scalzi: i can't compete with that
Koontz: what about douglas adams?
Scalzi: ok sure, yeah there's douglas adams
Scalzi: that's fair
Scalzi: i can't compete with that
July 13, 2026 at 5:23 PM
Scalzi: well, terry Pratchett is technically fantasy
Koontz: what about douglas adams?
Scalzi: ok sure, yeah there's douglas adams
Scalzi: that's fair
Scalzi: i can't compete with that
Koontz: what about douglas adams?
Scalzi: ok sure, yeah there's douglas adams
Scalzi: that's fair
Scalzi: i can't compete with that
Interestingly enough, there is a beloved local weatherman named John Scalzi (no relation)
www.mysuncoast.com/authors/John...
www.mysuncoast.com/authors/John...
February 15, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Interestingly enough, there is a beloved local weatherman named John Scalzi (no relation)
www.mysuncoast.com/authors/John...
www.mysuncoast.com/authors/John...
Scalzi: but i meant besides douglas adams
Koontz: what about Robert asprin?
Scalzi: oh COME ONE NOW
Scalzi: you can't be serious!
Scalzi: I'm twice as funny as that guy!
Koontz: what about Robert asprin?
Scalzi: oh COME ONE NOW
Scalzi: you can't be serious!
Scalzi: I'm twice as funny as that guy!
July 13, 2026 at 5:23 PM
Scalzi: but i meant besides douglas adams
Koontz: what about Robert asprin?
Scalzi: oh COME ONE NOW
Scalzi: you can't be serious!
Scalzi: I'm twice as funny as that guy!
Koontz: what about Robert asprin?
Scalzi: oh COME ONE NOW
Scalzi: you can't be serious!
Scalzi: I'm twice as funny as that guy!
Dream Scalzi will survive the end of civilization whilst Real Scalzi will sit in a park crying over the last ever box of Honeycomb cereal
Last night I dreamt that @scalzi.com taught me how to fish. Who wants to interpret that for me? And by the way, thank you, John. You're very good at filleting. It's all in the knife, or so you say.
April 13, 2026 at 3:32 PM
Dream Scalzi will survive the end of civilization whilst Real Scalzi will sit in a park crying over the last ever box of Honeycomb cereal
Official Scalzi stamp of approval
When you're out camping in the Swedish outback, and the day gives you 12°C and rain, you get yourselves some fresh swedish nöd and some tunbröd, and make the best of it. The best, of course, being burritos. I think even @scalzi.com would approve.
June 1, 2025 at 6:33 PM
Official Scalzi stamp of approval
Scalzi: in fact, i actually am a humorist
Scalzi: i used to write for a little thing called uncle john's bathroom reader
Dean Koontz: OMG are you uncle john?
Scalzi: oh no no i was just one of many writers
Scalzi: then again
Scalzi: [muttering to self] why SHOULDN'T i be uncle john?
Scalzi: i used to write for a little thing called uncle john's bathroom reader
Dean Koontz: OMG are you uncle john?
Scalzi: oh no no i was just one of many writers
Scalzi: then again
Scalzi: [muttering to self] why SHOULDN'T i be uncle john?
July 13, 2026 at 5:20 PM
Scalzi: in fact, i actually am a humorist
Scalzi: i used to write for a little thing called uncle john's bathroom reader
Dean Koontz: OMG are you uncle john?
Scalzi: oh no no i was just one of many writers
Scalzi: then again
Scalzi: [muttering to self] why SHOULDN'T i be uncle john?
Scalzi: i used to write for a little thing called uncle john's bathroom reader
Dean Koontz: OMG are you uncle john?
Scalzi: oh no no i was just one of many writers
Scalzi: then again
Scalzi: [muttering to self] why SHOULDN'T i be uncle john?
Scalzi: you might not have noticed this, but there's actually quite a bit of humor in my writing
Barker: you don't say
Poe: clive
Scalzi: no really!
Scalzi: take redshirts
Barker: explain
Scalzi: i mean, the title alone... ho ho ho!
Barker:
Barker: i'm waiting
Barker: you don't say
Poe: clive
Scalzi: no really!
Scalzi: take redshirts
Barker: explain
Scalzi: i mean, the title alone... ho ho ho!
Barker:
Barker: i'm waiting
July 13, 2026 at 5:21 PM
Scalzi: you might not have noticed this, but there's actually quite a bit of humor in my writing
Barker: you don't say
Poe: clive
Scalzi: no really!
Scalzi: take redshirts
Barker: explain
Scalzi: i mean, the title alone... ho ho ho!
Barker:
Barker: i'm waiting
Barker: you don't say
Poe: clive
Scalzi: no really!
Scalzi: take redshirts
Barker: explain
Scalzi: i mean, the title alone... ho ho ho!
Barker:
Barker: i'm waiting
My new business cards have arrived
April 9, 2024 at 7:57 PM
My new business cards have arrived
HELL YEAH SCALZI SKATE JAM Y'ALL
AND ON MY BIRTHDAY TOO
SKATE TO LIVE
LIVE TO SKATE
AND ON MY BIRTHDAY TOO
SKATE TO LIVE
LIVE TO SKATE
May 2, 2025 at 3:59 PM
HELL YEAH SCALZI SKATE JAM Y'ALL
AND ON MY BIRTHDAY TOO
SKATE TO LIVE
LIVE TO SKATE
AND ON MY BIRTHDAY TOO
SKATE TO LIVE
LIVE TO SKATE
FYI, the Church of the Scalzi in Venice is slightly more ornate than the one in Bradford, Ohio
June 23, 2025 at 6:36 PM
FYI, the Church of the Scalzi in Venice is slightly more ornate than the one in Bradford, Ohio
King: i don't know, john, Robert asprin is pretty funny
Scalzi: i'm about a million times funnier!!
Scalzi: here i'll prove it
Scalzi: pull my finger!!
Scalzi: i'm about a million times funnier!!
Scalzi: here i'll prove it
Scalzi: pull my finger!!
July 13, 2026 at 5:23 PM
King: i don't know, john, Robert asprin is pretty funny
Scalzi: i'm about a million times funnier!!
Scalzi: here i'll prove it
Scalzi: pull my finger!!
Scalzi: i'm about a million times funnier!!
Scalzi: here i'll prove it
Scalzi: pull my finger!!
A trio of miscreants annoyed my wife
October 20, 2025 at 8:39 PM
A trio of miscreants annoyed my wife
The Scalzi Fursona: So wrong, and yet, so very right
January 16, 2026 at 7:31 PM
The Scalzi Fursona: So wrong, and yet, so very right
Also I was given this "Scalzi in Brazil" friendship bracelet, how cool is that, my Brazilian fans are awesome
September 16, 2024 at 2:21 PM
Also I was given this "Scalzi in Brazil" friendship bracelet, how cool is that, my Brazilian fans are awesome
SCALZI IS THE COOK NOT THE BURRITO
I feel like there’s an alternate universe where Scalzi’s Dr Frankenstein creates a living indefensible burrito and is hunted down by the angry villagers
December 26, 2024 at 4:27 PM
SCALZI IS THE COOK NOT THE BURRITO
"PROMPT: What if John Scalzi were a smug thumb?"
February 3, 2026 at 3:46 PM
"PROMPT: What if John Scalzi were a smug thumb?"
From all of us here at the Scalzi Household, wishing you and yours a joyous Bi Day of Visibility
September 24, 2026 at 12:54 AM
From all of us here at the Scalzi Household, wishing you and yours a joyous Bi Day of Visibility
The Scalzi Burrito Scale is the name of my next band
Breakfast burrito of leftover meatloaf, green beans and carrots with added egg and cheese. Tame by @scalzi.com standards (2 out of 5 on the Scalzi Burrito Scale), but tasty nonetheless.
January 29, 2026 at 1:56 PM
The Scalzi Burrito Scale is the name of my next band