That’s an insult to turnips.
March 28, 2025 at 1:29 AM
That’s an insult to turnips.
my biggest 2024 breakthrough: discovering that scarecrows aren't real. crops are just SO much easier to steal now. i used to pull up one or two turnips and run off, but i'm not scared anymore. the only challenge ahead of me in 2025 is to keep from eating so many turnips i give myself a stomach ache
January 2, 2025 at 9:57 PM
my biggest 2024 breakthrough: discovering that scarecrows aren't real. crops are just SO much easier to steal now. i used to pull up one or two turnips and run off, but i'm not scared anymore. the only challenge ahead of me in 2025 is to keep from eating so many turnips i give myself a stomach ache
"If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.
If turnips were swords, I'd have one at my side.
If "ifs" and "ands" were pots and pans,
There'd be no work for tinkers' hands."
—Scottish Proverb, 1628
If turnips were swords, I'd have one at my side.
If "ifs" and "ands" were pots and pans,
There'd be no work for tinkers' hands."
—Scottish Proverb, 1628
September 27, 2026 at 2:26 AM
"If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.
If turnips were swords, I'd have one at my side.
If "ifs" and "ands" were pots and pans,
There'd be no work for tinkers' hands."
—Scottish Proverb, 1628
If turnips were swords, I'd have one at my side.
If "ifs" and "ands" were pots and pans,
There'd be no work for tinkers' hands."
—Scottish Proverb, 1628
Trump’s Tariffs By The Numbers
theonion.com/trumps-...
theonion.com/trumps-...
April 12, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Trump’s Tariffs By The Numbers
theonion.com/trumps-...
theonion.com/trumps-...
i am not abiding these “how dare you crack a joke” turnips
January 24, 2025 at 5:29 AM
i am not abiding these “how dare you crack a joke” turnips
Senator: (after spending 8 hours crafting the perfect tweet) Instead of acting illegally, the president should consider the price of turnips at the grocery
February 2, 2025 at 3:52 AM
Senator: (after spending 8 hours crafting the perfect tweet) Instead of acting illegally, the president should consider the price of turnips at the grocery
finished turnips birthday sweater ♥️
January 10, 2025 at 12:31 AM
finished turnips birthday sweater ♥️
Checking the price of turnips
January 28, 2026 at 11:25 AM
Checking the price of turnips
None of the folks who stopped by the farm stand wanted any turnips or turnip jack o’lanterns
bet they’re really going to regret that when their house is unprotected this week
bet they’re really going to regret that when their house is unprotected this week
October 29, 2024 at 8:29 PM
None of the folks who stopped by the farm stand wanted any turnips or turnip jack o’lanterns
bet they’re really going to regret that when their house is unprotected this week
bet they’re really going to regret that when their house is unprotected this week
I’ve got lettuce and turnips for ya! Which ya want? 🥰
May 16, 2026 at 6:19 PM
I’ve got lettuce and turnips for ya! Which ya want? 🥰
November 25, 2024 at 4:46 PM
you know things are going well when they break out the turnip photos
April 7, 2025 at 4:19 PM
you know things are going well when they break out the turnip photos
Roasting beets + turnips
June 19, 2025 at 9:06 PM
Roasting beets + turnips
Remember in Meet Molly where the housekeeper makes the kids eat turnips because it's WWII and they're doing the Victory Garden thing, and Molly is like "absolutely the fuck not," and then Mom comes home from the Factory and warms up the turnips with butter and cinnamon? No cinnamon now, pals.
April 7, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Remember in Meet Molly where the housekeeper makes the kids eat turnips because it's WWII and they're doing the Victory Garden thing, and Molly is like "absolutely the fuck not," and then Mom comes home from the Factory and warms up the turnips with butter and cinnamon? No cinnamon now, pals.
Citizens, not “homegrowns.” WTF are we, turnips?
April 15, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Citizens, not “homegrowns.” WTF are we, turnips?
If you love turnips, you should smell the person behind me on this bus
July 5, 2026 at 2:23 PM
If you love turnips, you should smell the person behind me on this bus
Rutabagas > turnips.
There. I said it. *drops gloves*
There. I said it. *drops gloves*
April 7, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Rutabagas > turnips.
There. I said it. *drops gloves*
There. I said it. *drops gloves*
Who wants to see my turnips
June 7, 2025 at 5:48 PM
Who wants to see my turnips
Please have some... *squints*
Turnips.
Turnips.
February 4, 2025 at 3:44 PM
Please have some... *squints*
Turnips.
Turnips.