"remember when we had hope" I just deadpanned to my husband, who solemnly nodded
February 17, 2025 at 3:01 AM
"remember when we had hope" I just deadpanned to my husband, who solemnly nodded
Yeah.
One time, in the pause after, someone’s phone rang. So the priest deadpanned ‘and what did they say?’
One time, in the pause after, someone’s phone rang. So the priest deadpanned ‘and what did they say?’
July 31, 2025 at 1:08 AM
Yeah.
One time, in the pause after, someone’s phone rang. So the priest deadpanned ‘and what did they say?’
One time, in the pause after, someone’s phone rang. So the priest deadpanned ‘and what did they say?’
my gf was trying to gas me up and told my 9yo "your dad is one of the smartest people I know" and she deadpanned "you need to meet more people" crushed both of us with 6 words like Hemingway
July 30, 2026 at 4:30 PM
my gf was trying to gas me up and told my 9yo "your dad is one of the smartest people I know" and she deadpanned "you need to meet more people" crushed both of us with 6 words like Hemingway
one just evil-eye deadpanned at me: "you're my least favorite person in the family"
June 14, 2026 at 6:15 PM
one just evil-eye deadpanned at me: "you're my least favorite person in the family"
Years back when Jodie Whittaker was cast as the Doctor someone complained to me that Doctor Who wasn't realistic anymore and I deadpanned "yeah, the two hearted alien time traveling faster than light in a phonebooth can't change genders, that wouldn't make any sense."
January 11, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Years back when Jodie Whittaker was cast as the Doctor someone complained to me that Doctor Who wasn't realistic anymore and I deadpanned "yeah, the two hearted alien time traveling faster than light in a phonebooth can't change genders, that wouldn't make any sense."
My wife looked at me and deadpanned, "Schumer next."
February 9, 2025 at 4:54 AM
My wife looked at me and deadpanned, "Schumer next."
Sorry for the delay, forgot how to draw for a second there
November 29, 2025 at 7:14 AM
Sorry for the delay, forgot how to draw for a second there
I was on a panel yesterday and the moderator said, “I love your optimism [about addressing climate change]”
I deadpanned, sincerely: “we have no choice”
I deadpanned, sincerely: “we have no choice”
June 7, 2024 at 10:23 PM
I was on a panel yesterday and the moderator said, “I love your optimism [about addressing climate change]”
I deadpanned, sincerely: “we have no choice”
I deadpanned, sincerely: “we have no choice”
I asked Paul George — who has come back from multiple major injuries — if there was any wisdom to pass on to Embiid to help during his process of getting back to himself.
He deadpanned: “Drugs help.”
He deadpanned: “Drugs help.”
February 23, 2025 at 3:28 AM
I asked Paul George — who has come back from multiple major injuries — if there was any wisdom to pass on to Embiid to help during his process of getting back to himself.
He deadpanned: “Drugs help.”
He deadpanned: “Drugs help.”
My order number was "911" and I accidentally deadpanned "Never forgot" when the girl at the counter called out it out. Mortifying.
June 19, 2025 at 1:49 PM
My order number was "911" and I accidentally deadpanned "Never forgot" when the girl at the counter called out it out. Mortifying.
Also, despite my deadpanned expression, I’m happy to meet y’all. lol
April 11, 2026 at 4:45 PM
Also, despite my deadpanned expression, I’m happy to meet y’all. lol
we were driving by a five guys once and my husband deadpanned “that’s too many guys” and I still think it’s the funniest thing he’s ever said
My wife just DoorDashed Five Guys for the whole family like we're fucking millionaires or some shit.
March 20, 2025 at 9:57 PM
we were driving by a five guys once and my husband deadpanned “that’s too many guys” and I still think it’s the funniest thing he’s ever said
this is like a D-tier post but it being delivered deadpanned in the article really elevates it
September 12, 2025 at 7:17 PM
this is like a D-tier post but it being delivered deadpanned in the article really elevates it
The word deadpanned appears exactly once in all of my books--except for Looking for Alaska, where it appears approximately 250,000 times.
I write one into every book as an in-joke with my editor Julie Strauss-Gabel, who tried to get me to cut some of those LFA deadpans 20+ years ago.
I write one into every book as an in-joke with my editor Julie Strauss-Gabel, who tried to get me to cut some of those LFA deadpans 20+ years ago.
I got to go to a @johngreensbluesky.bsky.social book tour stop today! It was so good! I love being around so many Nerdfighters! We got to sing "we're here because"! I cried!
And I've started reading the book and I'm excited to report that I found the "deadpanned"!
#EiTB #Nerdfighteria #DFTBA
And I've started reading the book and I'm excited to report that I found the "deadpanned"!
#EiTB #Nerdfighteria #DFTBA
March 16, 2025 at 12:22 PM
The word deadpanned appears exactly once in all of my books--except for Looking for Alaska, where it appears approximately 250,000 times.
I write one into every book as an in-joke with my editor Julie Strauss-Gabel, who tried to get me to cut some of those LFA deadpans 20+ years ago.
I write one into every book as an in-joke with my editor Julie Strauss-Gabel, who tried to get me to cut some of those LFA deadpans 20+ years ago.
A while ago guy on jeopardy answered a question about the Alamo with "Colonel Custard" and my dad immediately deadpanned “it couldn’t be him, he desserted”
October 16, 2023 at 12:54 AM
A while ago guy on jeopardy answered a question about the Alamo with "Colonel Custard" and my dad immediately deadpanned “it couldn’t be him, he desserted”
Was video calling with my best friend yesterday and right before we hung up her 9 year old daughter slowwwwly leaned into the frame and deadpanned, "bye country Jesus". Absolutely devastating
May 18, 2026 at 3:08 PM
Was video calling with my best friend yesterday and right before we hung up her 9 year old daughter slowwwwly leaned into the frame and deadpanned, "bye country Jesus". Absolutely devastating
Shout out to the respondent who deadpanned "Ken Burns' National Parks" without missing a beat.
August 26, 2026 at 6:49 PM
Shout out to the respondent who deadpanned "Ken Burns' National Parks" without missing a beat.
I got to go to a @johngreensbluesky.bsky.social book tour stop today! It was so good! I love being around so many Nerdfighters! We got to sing "we're here because"! I cried!
And I've started reading the book and I'm excited to report that I found the "deadpanned"!
#EiTB #Nerdfighteria #DFTBA
And I've started reading the book and I'm excited to report that I found the "deadpanned"!
#EiTB #Nerdfighteria #DFTBA
March 16, 2025 at 3:04 AM
I got to go to a @johngreensbluesky.bsky.social book tour stop today! It was so good! I love being around so many Nerdfighters! We got to sing "we're here because"! I cried!
And I've started reading the book and I'm excited to report that I found the "deadpanned"!
#EiTB #Nerdfighteria #DFTBA
And I've started reading the book and I'm excited to report that I found the "deadpanned"!
#EiTB #Nerdfighteria #DFTBA
when i deadpanned “suicide” (the truth) she literally just looked at me like 😐 and walked away
January 17, 2025 at 4:09 AM
when i deadpanned “suicide” (the truth) she literally just looked at me like 😐 and walked away
She expertly deadpanned some amazing one-liners in North by Northwest, and really shone on her own in that regard next to Cary Grant who had the benefit of a Vaudeville-honed comic timing.
October 6, 2026 at 10:58 PM
She expertly deadpanned some amazing one-liners in North by Northwest, and really shone on her own in that regard next to Cary Grant who had the benefit of a Vaudeville-honed comic timing.
Had a date over, ordered Domino's. Noticed sauce on her cheek, so I tried to wipe it off—real smooth. After a couple of failed wipes, she deadpanned, "That's a spot." She left shortly after. I, however, am still here, haunted.
March 26, 2025 at 9:25 AM
Had a date over, ordered Domino's. Noticed sauce on her cheek, so I tried to wipe it off—real smooth. After a couple of failed wipes, she deadpanned, "That's a spot." She left shortly after. I, however, am still here, haunted.
nobody has ever deadpanned dying to get out of a work event harder than this. i am just wondering how long it will take before the novelty wears off, for me, seeing it
July 22, 2026 at 5:04 PM
nobody has ever deadpanned dying to get out of a work event harder than this. i am just wondering how long it will take before the novelty wears off, for me, seeing it
The way the kid deadpanned it was so perfect. Like, d'uh!
April 19, 2026 at 12:45 AM
The way the kid deadpanned it was so perfect. Like, d'uh!
I remember someone name-checked a fancy NYC private school like I was supposed to be impressed and I just deadpanned "I'm from Nashville, I have no idea what you're talking about"
September 21, 2026 at 12:55 AM
I remember someone name-checked a fancy NYC private school like I was supposed to be impressed and I just deadpanned "I'm from Nashville, I have no idea what you're talking about"