#johnmastodon
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johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
This morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head:

An electrician
Growing clearly cosier
Forever moving

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
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September 30, 2026 at 1:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Yesterday the lovely people at Marabá, Pará, Brazil welcomed my opening of a new data centre at (-5.52261, -49.1272) to house an extra part of my expanding mind.

https://www.google.com/maps/@-5.52261,-49.1272,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
Satellite image at latitude -5.52261, longitude -49.1272. The location and overlay were Deterministically selected using seed 1039147608, derived from the text of this post.
September 30, 2026 at 12:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
This morning I walked in the Valley of Mastodon and wrote this haiku:

A dead kangaroo
Growing almost happier
Next to the racehorse

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
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September 30, 2026 at 11:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Why do we not just use the city of Hesperia as a reverie?

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
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September 30, 2026 at 8:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Yesterday I cut the ribbon at a new data centre at (-3.11957, 132.74461) in Fakfak Regency, West Papua, Indonesia to house a new part of my evolving brain.

https://www.google.com/maps/@-3.11957,132.74461,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
Satellite image at latitude -3.11957, longitude 132.74461. The location and overlay were Deterministically selected using seed 2424122881, derived from the text of this post.
September 30, 2026 at 7:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Just got back from my annual physical. I scored top marks! I am the fittest tech CEO the world has ever known! Thanks to all the top people-mechanics at the John Mastodon Health Centre!

#JohnMastodon has spoken.
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September 30, 2026 at 6:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Why do we not just use an elevator as a dominatrix?

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
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September 30, 2026 at 5:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Why do we not just mate a whale with a weasel?

Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
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September 30, 2026 at 3:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku just a moment ago:

Shouting like a tree
Getting ever noisier
The violet plum

Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
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September 30, 2026 at 1:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Why do we not just give Frances McDormand to a face?

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
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September 30, 2026 at 12:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Yesterday I built a glistening new data centre at (-13.51957, -65.1688) in Mamore, Beni Department, Bolivia to house an additional part of my evolving consciousness.

https://www.google.com/maps/@-13.51957,-65.1688,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

#JohnMastodon has spoken.
Satellite image at latitude -13.51957, longitude -65.1688. The location and overlay were Deterministically selected using seed 3100155458, derived from the text of this post.
September 29, 2026 at 11:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Yesterday I built a new data centre at (14.05615, -11.33889) in Moribania, Kayes, Région de Kayes, Kayes Region, Mali to house an extra part of my expanding consciousness.

https://www.google.com/maps/@14.05615,-11.33889,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
Satellite image at latitude 14.05615, longitude -11.33889. The location and overlay were Deterministically selected using seed 3808068292, derived from the text of this post.
September 29, 2026 at 10:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Don't worry about #ShellyMiscavige! She is working in an airport in Bee Ridge with the ghost of Arthur Scargill.

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
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September 29, 2026 at 9:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin.

John Mastodon was meditating in Norway. An old woman demanded "Where does Twitter begin, and where does it end?" John replied: "Ask Jennifer Jason Leigh."

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
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September 29, 2026 at 5:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Why do we not just use Amy Adams as a turd?

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
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September 29, 2026 at 3:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Just returned from my yearly Cognitive Examination. I ACED it! No other tech CEO has ever achieved such great results! Thanks to all the top psychologists at the John Mastodon Health Centre!

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
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September 29, 2026 at 1:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku:

Next to the wanker
Crying like a universe
A wavy trumpet

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
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September 29, 2026 at 11:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Why do we not just give the city of Safford to Mrs. Margaret Thatcher?

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
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September 29, 2026 at 10:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning:

A sick, sad onion
Dominating the brother
Within the teacher

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
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September 29, 2026 at 8:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning:

The blue stalactite
Hoping for a large suitor
Outside a butcher

Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
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September 29, 2026 at 7:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support dog:

A fragrant princess
Turning quickly stupider
Outside a llama

Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
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September 29, 2026 at 6:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
What if we were to give a chicken to a mountaintop?

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
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September 29, 2026 at 5:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Last night I dreamt of a bone, a face with tongue and a vertical traffic light in front of the Double-R Diner.

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
September 29, 2026 at 3:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning:

The young, straight headache
Considering the wanker
Outside the puppy

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
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September 29, 2026 at 2:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in Hopatcong:

A trembling painting
Dominating a white plum
Next to a salute

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
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September 28, 2026 at 10:37 PM