Dumbdum
@dumbdum.bsky.social
Housing motherfuckers like a real estate agent
Pinned
Reposted by Dumbdum
Oh; I concur that this is not my circus, but those ARE, in fact, my monkeys. And therein lies the problem, constable: this circus has obtained my monkeys by nefarious means.
March 10, 2024 at 6:30 AM
Oh; I concur that this is not my circus, but those ARE, in fact, my monkeys. And therein lies the problem, constable: this circus has obtained my monkeys by nefarious means.
Reposted by Dumbdum
I’m having my bones removed
October 1, 2026 at 1:51 AM
I’m having my bones removed
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Due to an unforeseen tragedy, I am officially shutting down my kid-a-pult
October 6, 2026 at 6:03 AM
Due to an unforeseen tragedy, I am officially shutting down my kid-a-pult
Reposted by Dumbdum
[dog world]
DRIVE THRU: may I take your order
DOG: *snickering* got any uphuman
DRIVE THRU: may I take your order
DOG: *snickering* got any uphuman
October 6, 2026 at 12:01 AM
[dog world]
DRIVE THRU: may I take your order
DOG: *snickering* got any uphuman
DRIVE THRU: may I take your order
DOG: *snickering* got any uphuman
Reposted by Dumbdum
If social security falls through, at least I have the My Two Dads memorabilia to fall back on.
December 21, 2023 at 12:15 AM
If social security falls through, at least I have the My Two Dads memorabilia to fall back on.
Reposted by Dumbdum
Keeping a journal of things I’ve lost interest in. Or I was.
October 5, 2026 at 3:49 PM
Keeping a journal of things I’ve lost interest in. Or I was.
Reposted by Dumbdum
boy, are you plain greek yogurt bc you’re good for me but you’re so dull and i hate you
October 5, 2026 at 7:02 PM
boy, are you plain greek yogurt bc you’re good for me but you’re so dull and i hate you
Reposted by Dumbdum
Making a band that you like your entire personality is so lame. Just ask my kid, Champagne Supernova.
September 29, 2026 at 6:20 PM
Making a band that you like your entire personality is so lame. Just ask my kid, Champagne Supernova.
Reposted by Dumbdum
don’t like to brag, but I often go to the hospital with my banjo to sing to the patients regardless of their condition or their constant requests that I stop
May 10, 2025 at 2:14 AM
don’t like to brag, but I often go to the hospital with my banjo to sing to the patients regardless of their condition or their constant requests that I stop
Reposted by Dumbdum
I've been 65 for well over a month now and I'm way behind on collecting keys that have no conceivable connection to any of the locks in my current life. My buddy, who is the same age, already has filled up two Mason jars.
October 5, 2026 at 1:54 AM
I've been 65 for well over a month now and I'm way behind on collecting keys that have no conceivable connection to any of the locks in my current life. My buddy, who is the same age, already has filled up two Mason jars.
Reposted by Dumbdum
Me: And this dew, it’s from the mountains of the Baja Oblast?
Taco Bell employee: ya
Taco Bell employee: ya
October 5, 2026 at 12:50 AM
Me: And this dew, it’s from the mountains of the Baja Oblast?
Taco Bell employee: ya
Taco Bell employee: ya
Reposted by Dumbdum
If you read while sunbathing you’ll end up well red
October 4, 2026 at 5:58 PM
If you read while sunbathing you’ll end up well red
Reposted by Dumbdum
Capri Sun packages were designed to teach kids how to do emergency tracheotomies
January 29, 2025 at 6:43 PM
Capri Sun packages were designed to teach kids how to do emergency tracheotomies
Reposted by Dumbdum
Men with mid tattoos will go on Survivor instead of going to therapy
October 3, 2026 at 3:27 AM
Men with mid tattoos will go on Survivor instead of going to therapy
Reposted by Dumbdum
saw your man at the grocery store and he was struggling to effectively use his rewards points
October 4, 2026 at 3:04 PM
saw your man at the grocery store and he was struggling to effectively use his rewards points
Reposted by Dumbdum
Stow your cheese wheels in the overhead compartment.
October 4, 2026 at 4:08 PM
Stow your cheese wheels in the overhead compartment.
Reposted by Dumbdum
VOTE NO on Pro 75 (the 'TAX DRACULA' bill.) If we try to tax Dracula, he will simply move away to Texas.
October 1, 2026 at 6:53 PM
VOTE NO on Pro 75 (the 'TAX DRACULA' bill.) If we try to tax Dracula, he will simply move away to Texas.
Reposted by Dumbdum
Maybe the lack of modern ghosts is directly proportional to humans not wanting to complete their unfinished business.
October 3, 2026 at 7:53 PM
Maybe the lack of modern ghosts is directly proportional to humans not wanting to complete their unfinished business.
Reposted by Dumbdum
I'm old enough to remember smoking on airplanes as a child. I hated it but they made you do it.
October 2, 2026 at 5:00 AM
I'm old enough to remember smoking on airplanes as a child. I hated it but they made you do it.
Reposted by Dumbdum
The hamburger helper glove when it sees anyone's naked hands: ew
October 3, 2026 at 6:23 PM
The hamburger helper glove when it sees anyone's naked hands: ew
Reposted by Dumbdum
I was thinking about making fun of a Toto song but some guy who works at a guitar shop appeared out of nowhere to tell me that "those guys were really great musicians.'
October 4, 2026 at 4:58 AM
I was thinking about making fun of a Toto song but some guy who works at a guitar shop appeared out of nowhere to tell me that "those guys were really great musicians.'
Reposted by Dumbdum
[upcoming tasks]
October 31, 2026 11:59pm - Turn off chocolate fountain
November 1, 2026 12:00am - Turn on gravy fountain
October 31, 2026 11:59pm - Turn off chocolate fountain
November 1, 2026 12:00am - Turn on gravy fountain
October 4, 2026 at 12:26 AM
[upcoming tasks]
October 31, 2026 11:59pm - Turn off chocolate fountain
November 1, 2026 12:00am - Turn on gravy fountain
October 31, 2026 11:59pm - Turn off chocolate fountain
November 1, 2026 12:00am - Turn on gravy fountain
Reposted by Dumbdum
The Man Who Shot Liberty Bibberty
October 3, 2026 at 10:43 PM
The Man Who Shot Liberty Bibberty