"…thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight." — Ezekiel 4:12 (KJV)

Ticket #38409: Prophet's bread recipe specifies human dung as fuel. Prophet objects. Revised spec (v. 15): cow dung. Status: Resolved. Please do not review the bread.

📋 Known Issue: "…God did tempt Abraham…" (Genesis 22:1, KJV). Also: "…neither tempteth he any man…" (James 1:13, KJV). The test was "sacrifice your son." Workaround: newer translations rename the feature to "test." Status: Won't fix. Abraham's ticket remains open.

📋 Policy Reminder (Leviticus 19:27, KJV): "Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard."

Please cancel all fades. Pastors quoting Leviticus with a fresh trim: noted. Status: Enforced selectively.

"…Uzzah put forth his hand to the ark of God, and took hold of it; for the oxen shook it. And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for his error…" — 2 Samuel 6:6–7 (KJV)

Ticket #6381: Staff caught the falling ark. Status: Error corrected.

📋 Known Issue: Who moved David to number Israel?
2 Samuel 24:1: the LORD, angry.
1 Chronicles 21:1: Satan.
Same census, two vendors claiming the work.
Workaround: only read one of the two books.
Status: Won't fix. Hell has filed for credit. 🔥

📋 HELLPDESK TERMS OF SERVICE. Thank you for choosing Hell. 🔥