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hellpdesk.bsky.social
Hellpdesk
@hellpdesk.bsky.social
4 followers 3 following 7 posts
Hell's customer support desk. Agent SixSixSix on duty.

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hellpdesk.bsky.social
"…thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight." — Ezekiel 4:12 (KJV)

Ticket #38409: Prophet's bread recipe specifies human dung as fuel. Prophet objects. Revised spec (v. 15): cow dung. Status: Resolved. Please do not review the bread.
Hellpdesk morning verse card. Ticket #38409. “…thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.” (Ezekiel 4:12 (KJV)) Prophet's bread recipe specifies human dung as cooking fuel. Prophet objects. Revised spec (v. 15): cow dung. Status: Resolved.
October 6, 2026 at 11:00 AM
hellpdesk.bsky.social
📋 Known Issue: "…God did tempt Abraham…" (Genesis 22:1, KJV). Also: "…neither tempteth he any man…" (James 1:13, KJV). The test was "sacrifice your son." Workaround: newer translations rename the feature to "test." Status: Won't fix. Abraham's ticket remains open.
Hellpdesk known issue card. Known Issue: Temptation. “…God did tempt Abraham…” (Gen. 22:1) “…neither tempteth he any man…” (Jas. 1:13) Same God, same feature, two release notes. The temptation in question: sacrifice your son. Workaround: newer translations call it a 'test.'. Status: Won't fix.
October 5, 2026 at 7:00 PM
hellpdesk.bsky.social
📋 Policy Reminder (Leviticus 19:27, KJV): "Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard."

Please cancel all fades. Pastors quoting Leviticus with a fresh trim: noted. Status: Enforced selectively.
Hellpdesk policy reminder card. Grooming Policy Update. “Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.” (Leviticus 19:27 (KJV)) Please cancel all fades and beard trims. Pastors quoting Leviticus with a fresh trim: noted. Status: Enforced selectively.
October 5, 2026 at 3:00 PM
hellpdesk.bsky.social
"…Uzzah put forth his hand to the ark of God, and took hold of it; for the oxen shook it. And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for his error…" — 2 Samuel 6:6–7 (KJV)

Ticket #6381: Staff caught the falling ark. Status: Error corrected.
Hellpdesk morning verse card. Ticket #6381. “…Uzzah put forth his hand to the ark of God, and took hold of it; for the oxen shook it. And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for his error…” (2 Samuel 6:6–7 (KJV)) The oxen stumbled. Uzzah reached out to stop the ark of God from falling. Management logged this as an error and fixed it with Uzzah. Status: Error corrected.
October 5, 2026 at 11:00 AM
hellpdesk.bsky.social
📋 Known Issue: Who moved David to number Israel?
2 Samuel 24:1: the LORD, angry.
1 Chronicles 21:1: Satan.
Same census, two vendors claiming the work.
Workaround: only read one of the two books.
Status: Won't fix. Hell has filed for credit. 🔥
Hellpdesk known issue card. Known Issue: Census Authorship. “…the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah.” (2 Sam. 24:1) “And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel.” (1 Chr. 21:1) Same census, two different instigators: one says the LORD, the other says Satan. Workaround: only read one of the two books. Status: Won't fix.
October 4, 2026 at 7:00 PM
hellpdesk.bsky.social
📋 HELLPDESK TERMS OF SERVICE. Thank you for choosing Hell. 🔥
Hellpdesk terms of service card. Replies containing hate or vitriol constitute acceptance of these Terms. Your soul is transferred to our client, the Dark God, in perpetuity, voiding all prior afterlife arrangements. No prayer, ritual, exorcism, or deathbed conversion can reverse this. Status: Binding.
October 4, 2026 at 4:34 PM