JonBenét Lambsy
@lambelly.com
Living and eating burritos
Computer science
Detroit / Ann Arbor
Computer science
Detroit / Ann Arbor
Pinned
JonBenét Lambsy
@lambelly.com
· Dec 4
The problem is that you can try to suck every ape's dick, but eventually you run in to one who is unable to cum and encounter a halting problem sort of situation.
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
Mike Rogers is a corporate sellout who moves back to Michigan every few years to run for office to take another swing at the revolving door of corporate politics.
September 28, 2026 at 2:28 PM
Mike Rogers is a corporate sellout who moves back to Michigan every few years to run for office to take another swing at the revolving door of corporate politics.
When I was like 10 or 11 my family went to a flea market and I bought a comb that looked like a switchblade. It had an alligator hilt.
September 28, 2026 at 2:27 AM
When I was like 10 or 11 my family went to a flea market and I bought a comb that looked like a switchblade. It had an alligator hilt.
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
we really need to start calling out these conservative christians for just straight up not believing in christianity. if you don’t believe christian teaching, nobody is forcing you to call yourself a christian! free yourself!
September 27, 2026 at 8:47 PM
we really need to start calling out these conservative christians for just straight up not believing in christianity. if you don’t believe christian teaching, nobody is forcing you to call yourself a christian! free yourself!
It's annoying that on Voyager they can't decide whether the doctor can have multiple instances.
September 28, 2026 at 2:13 AM
It's annoying that on Voyager they can't decide whether the doctor can have multiple instances.
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
Today I saw the new 4 hour documentary Musk, directed by Alex Gibney. There were too many times to count that a sold out theater burst out laughing at Elon Musk, something he said or did, even sometimes just how he looked. I believe that is his worst nightmare come to life.
September 26, 2026 at 11:11 PM
Today I saw the new 4 hour documentary Musk, directed by Alex Gibney. There were too many times to count that a sold out theater burst out laughing at Elon Musk, something he said or did, even sometimes just how he looked. I believe that is his worst nightmare come to life.
I'm watching the green Knight and idk how gawain found that motherfuckr without gps or any shit
September 28, 2026 at 1:16 AM
I'm watching the green Knight and idk how gawain found that motherfuckr without gps or any shit
Rolling 1d20 to determine if I successfully use the communal latrine
September 27, 2026 at 10:05 PM
Rolling 1d20 to determine if I successfully use the communal latrine
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
Guy that keeps using the word “thug” in a way that suggests he read way too much Ayn Rand.
September 27, 2026 at 2:04 AM
Guy that keeps using the word “thug” in a way that suggests he read way too much Ayn Rand.
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
These results are indeed historic. Promise made, promise kept.
September 26, 2026 at 8:34 PM
These results are indeed historic. Promise made, promise kept.
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
i take an iced coffee to the job interview. while the interviewer is talking, i take a long sip from the straw, pulling the microfilm into my mouth. i lock eyes with the interviewer. we kiss deeply. the microfilm is no longer in my mouth. i return home through the checkpoint. it is berlin, 1970.
September 26, 2026 at 8:11 PM
i take an iced coffee to the job interview. while the interviewer is talking, i take a long sip from the straw, pulling the microfilm into my mouth. i lock eyes with the interviewer. we kiss deeply. the microfilm is no longer in my mouth. i return home through the checkpoint. it is berlin, 1970.
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
After a long day at the aquarium, the otters help tidy their toys away. Payment is made promptly and entirely in ice cubes.
September 26, 2026 at 8:13 PM
Went to a large market a month ago where they had a pickle vendor. They had various pickled offerings including pickled eggs. I did not get the pickled eggs, and I’ve regretted it ever since.
September 25, 2026 at 8:10 PM
Went to a large market a month ago where they had a pickle vendor. They had various pickled offerings including pickled eggs. I did not get the pickled eggs, and I’ve regretted it ever since.
Brought a full Indian meal to an interview
September 25, 2026 at 8:06 PM
Brought a full Indian meal to an interview
Cleaning cat shit off the floor
September 25, 2026 at 7:51 PM
Cleaning cat shit off the floor
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
Most riveting thing I've seen all week
September 25, 2026 at 2:51 PM
Most riveting thing I've seen all week
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
Well! I survived a day of the first @beckbook.com excerpt being out in the wild! Maybe I'll survive the book release, too!!
beckbook.com
beckbook.com
Ladies and gentlethings, I present to you the first excerpt from @beckbook.com
Many thanks to @nymag.com for putting it in print and to @vulture.com for presenting it so beautifully online
Please read, if you are so inclined
CW: Uh… intense emotional distress? I don't want to give anything away…
Many thanks to @nymag.com for putting it in print and to @vulture.com for presenting it so beautifully online
Please read, if you are so inclined
CW: Uh… intense emotional distress? I don't want to give anything away…
Losing Beck
His acclaimed album, Sea Change, was inspired by a breakup. For his ex-partner, it was the story of how the Church of Scientology took over his life.
www.vulture.com
September 25, 2026 at 5:09 AM
Well! I survived a day of the first @beckbook.com excerpt being out in the wild! Maybe I'll survive the book release, too!!
beckbook.com
beckbook.com
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
The Why Cheap Art? Manifesto, Bread & Puppet Theater, 1984
September 24, 2026 at 3:49 PM
The Why Cheap Art? Manifesto, Bread & Puppet Theater, 1984
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
"Tout Cela Ressemble à Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's Lenten supper table and turn the fruits de mer into fruits de Merde
September 23, 2026 at 3:00 AM
"Tout Cela Ressemble à Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's Lenten supper table and turn the fruits de mer into fruits de Merde
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
huh, I didn't realize Red Delicious apples were still such a large portion of US apple production
via commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:US...
via commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:US...
September 23, 2026 at 3:00 AM
huh, I didn't realize Red Delicious apples were still such a large portion of US apple production
via commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:US...
via commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:US...
I am watching party down and the blonde guy from Veronica Mars is on there and the dad from Veronica Mars is on there and if Veronica Mars shows up I am going to have a panic attack
September 23, 2026 at 2:55 AM
I am watching party down and the blonde guy from Veronica Mars is on there and the dad from Veronica Mars is on there and if Veronica Mars shows up I am going to have a panic attack
Reposted by JonBenét Lambsy
NYT has now independently corroborated all the major allegations against Susan Collins in the ProPublica report, including that investigators were prepared to move against her and then Trump intervened to shut it down. This put Trump in a position of exceptional and extortionate leverage over her.
F.B.I. Shut Down Inquiry Into Top Ally of Senator Susan Collins
The inquiry was closed last year because senior bureau officials questioned the veracity of a campaign donor’s account, according to current and former officials.
www.nytimes.com
September 22, 2026 at 8:06 PM
NYT has now independently corroborated all the major allegations against Susan Collins in the ProPublica report, including that investigators were prepared to move against her and then Trump intervened to shut it down. This put Trump in a position of exceptional and extortionate leverage over her.