BEEJ
@beeeej91.bsky.social
ncfc. music. media. history. exploring this planet.
Reposted by BEEJ
absolute height of comedy is when they cut to the goal and you see how many kid keepers they've got
June 27, 2026 at 9:26 AM
absolute height of comedy is when they cut to the goal and you see how many kid keepers they've got
Reposted by BEEJ
Reposted by BEEJ
Judge: you are being charged with the theft of an entire truckload of thesauruses. How do you plead?
Me: not culpable
Me: not culpable
June 1, 2026 at 4:55 PM
Judge: you are being charged with the theft of an entire truckload of thesauruses. How do you plead?
Me: not culpable
Me: not culpable
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I GET LOGGED OUT. BUT I LOG IN AGAIN
May 19, 2026 at 12:55 AM
I GET LOGGED OUT. BUT I LOG IN AGAIN
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JESUS: *turns water into wine*
JUDAS: *from the shower* okay that DOES IT
JUDAS: *from the shower* okay that DOES IT
April 4, 2026 at 3:59 AM
JESUS: *turns water into wine*
JUDAS: *from the shower* okay that DOES IT
JUDAS: *from the shower* okay that DOES IT
Reposted by BEEJ
i saw this last night and cannot stop laughing at it
March 20, 2026 at 4:10 PM
i saw this last night and cannot stop laughing at it
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When did domestic pets first come in, can you imagine the first person who had a pet dog? Imagine going to your mate’s house (made of mud and sticks btw) and there’s just a dog there and you go to kill it for sustenance and your mate is like “no that’s Rocky”
March 17, 2026 at 12:21 PM
When did domestic pets first come in, can you imagine the first person who had a pet dog? Imagine going to your mate’s house (made of mud and sticks btw) and there’s just a dog there and you go to kill it for sustenance and your mate is like “no that’s Rocky”
Reposted by BEEJ
Oh, the grand old duke of york
He ██████████████████
He ██████████████████
And he ██████████████████
He ██████████████████
He ██████████████████
And he ██████████████████
February 19, 2026 at 11:06 AM
Oh, the grand old duke of york
He ██████████████████
He ██████████████████
And he ██████████████████
He ██████████████████
He ██████████████████
And he ██████████████████
So on the day we let them loose on booze we also let them loose behind the wheel of a train?????
Government on track to lower train driver minimum age to 18 in Great Britain
Government on track to lower train driver minimum age to 18 in Great Britain
Labour will introduce legislation this week for reduction from current age of 20 in effort to prevent big shortage
Labour will introduce legislation to lower the minimum age for train drivers to 18 in the House of Commons this week, as figures show fewer than 3% of drivers on Great Britain’s railways are under 30.
The government is pressing ahead with its proposals for teenage recruits, lowering the minimum age from the current 20 years old, in a move that ministers hope will stave off a potential shortage of thousands of drivers. Continue reading...
www.theguardian.com
February 8, 2026 at 5:51 PM
So on the day we let them loose on booze we also let them loose behind the wheel of a train?????
Reposted by BEEJ
“One duck, please.”
“Plain or fancy?”
“Fancy, please.”
“Coming right up.”
“Plain or fancy?”
“Fancy, please.”
“Coming right up.”
February 2, 2026 at 7:30 PM
“One duck, please.”
“Plain or fancy?”
“Fancy, please.”
“Coming right up.”
“Plain or fancy?”
“Fancy, please.”
“Coming right up.”
Reposted by BEEJ
If Bilbo had Chat GPT
January 27, 2026 at 4:24 PM
If Bilbo had Chat GPT
Reposted by BEEJ
ME: (doing standup) what's the deal with airplane food
AUDIENCE: *crickets*
[later]
GRASSHOPPER: how was the show
CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious
AUDIENCE: *crickets*
[later]
GRASSHOPPER: how was the show
CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious
January 5, 2026 at 4:46 PM
ME: (doing standup) what's the deal with airplane food
AUDIENCE: *crickets*
[later]
GRASSHOPPER: how was the show
CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious
AUDIENCE: *crickets*
[later]
GRASSHOPPER: how was the show
CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious
Reposted by BEEJ
Yes, I know, o.
But that's not the joke here.
But that's not the joke here.
November 12, 2025 at 10:10 AM
Yes, I know, o.
But that's not the joke here.
But that's not the joke here.
Reposted by BEEJ
The chicken and egg scenario but it's shits and giggles
October 25, 2025 at 12:01 PM
The chicken and egg scenario but it's shits and giggles
Reposted by BEEJ
The whole essay genre of "I had an interesting conversation with a chatbot" should be consigned to the dustbin of people's trying to tell you about their acid trips
September 27, 2025 at 5:26 PM
The whole essay genre of "I had an interesting conversation with a chatbot" should be consigned to the dustbin of people's trying to tell you about their acid trips
Reposted by BEEJ
the knowledge that scott mctominay’s name scans perfectly to the duel of the fates is a terrible curse
July 2, 2025 at 6:26 PM
the knowledge that scott mctominay’s name scans perfectly to the duel of the fates is a terrible curse
Reposted by BEEJ
guys! I have huge news!
as of this week I now have a monthly sports column (!) in the new Observer
first piece will be in the paper on Sunday but it's already online: observer.co.uk/news/columni... [free to read!]
as of this week I now have a monthly sports column (!) in the new Observer
first piece will be in the paper on Sunday but it's already online: observer.co.uk/news/columni... [free to read!]
May 2, 2025 at 9:15 AM
guys! I have huge news!
as of this week I now have a monthly sports column (!) in the new Observer
first piece will be in the paper on Sunday but it's already online: observer.co.uk/news/columni... [free to read!]
as of this week I now have a monthly sports column (!) in the new Observer
first piece will be in the paper on Sunday but it's already online: observer.co.uk/news/columni... [free to read!]
Reposted by BEEJ
democrats won’t admit it, but my family’s economic outlook has gotten a LOT better since Trump took office. but what do i know? i don’t have a fancy economics degree, i’m just a regular guy who runs an airplane scrapyard
February 18, 2025 at 12:23 AM
democrats won’t admit it, but my family’s economic outlook has gotten a LOT better since Trump took office. but what do i know? i don’t have a fancy economics degree, i’m just a regular guy who runs an airplane scrapyard
Reposted by BEEJ
911: what is your emergency
TREE: help i’ve fallen and i can’t get up
911: hello?
TREE: hello yes help i’ve-
911: is anyone there
TREE: YES HELP I’VE FALLEN AND-
911: sorry but i don’t hear anything
TREE: help i’ve fallen and i can’t get up
911: hello?
TREE: hello yes help i’ve-
911: is anyone there
TREE: YES HELP I’VE FALLEN AND-
911: sorry but i don’t hear anything
February 12, 2025 at 4:17 AM
911: what is your emergency
TREE: help i’ve fallen and i can’t get up
911: hello?
TREE: hello yes help i’ve-
911: is anyone there
TREE: YES HELP I’VE FALLEN AND-
911: sorry but i don’t hear anything
TREE: help i’ve fallen and i can’t get up
911: hello?
TREE: hello yes help i’ve-
911: is anyone there
TREE: YES HELP I’VE FALLEN AND-
911: sorry but i don’t hear anything
Reposted by BEEJ
THEM: Let me take you down to Paradise City. I heard the girls are hot.
ME: What's the grass situation?
ME: What's the grass situation?
January 29, 2025 at 3:47 PM
THEM: Let me take you down to Paradise City. I heard the girls are hot.
ME: What's the grass situation?
ME: What's the grass situation?
Reposted by BEEJ
SEAN EVANS: so tell us about this exciting new project of yours
KARL MARX, SWEATING: well sean i have to say im just really stoked to share this essay that i think makes a strong case for my claims about historical materialism and—WHEW that’s spicy oh man how do you guys EAT this stuff haha—
KARL MARX, SWEATING: well sean i have to say im just really stoked to share this essay that i think makes a strong case for my claims about historical materialism and—WHEW that’s spicy oh man how do you guys EAT this stuff haha—
January 27, 2025 at 8:09 PM
SEAN EVANS: so tell us about this exciting new project of yours
KARL MARX, SWEATING: well sean i have to say im just really stoked to share this essay that i think makes a strong case for my claims about historical materialism and—WHEW that’s spicy oh man how do you guys EAT this stuff haha—
KARL MARX, SWEATING: well sean i have to say im just really stoked to share this essay that i think makes a strong case for my claims about historical materialism and—WHEW that’s spicy oh man how do you guys EAT this stuff haha—
Reposted by BEEJ
ANCIENT ROMAN: *looking at shirts labeled M L and XL* excuse me these sizes are backwards
January 18, 2025 at 7:24 PM
ANCIENT ROMAN: *looking at shirts labeled M L and XL* excuse me these sizes are backwards
Reposted by BEEJ
January 10, 2025 at 9:08 PM