@funstat.bsky.social
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Every other headline now is "Huge liar who's financially motivated to lie says"
September 14, 2026 at 7:15 PM
Every other headline now is "Huge liar who's financially motivated to lie says"
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[whispering to paramedic before I pass out] save me but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow
February 24, 2026 at 5:49 PM
[whispering to paramedic before I pass out] save me but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow
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There's only room for one neurotic person in a relationship and it needs to be me
September 11, 2026 at 4:37 PM
There's only room for one neurotic person in a relationship and it needs to be me
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Can stop, will stop. Always happy to stop
September 12, 2026 at 4:42 AM
Can stop, will stop. Always happy to stop
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It’s a good day to have a great day
September 6, 2026 at 8:07 AM
It’s a good day to have a great day
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Barista said "enjoy your coffee". I accidentally replied "you too". Then I made a startling goat noise so the first thing would seem less weird by comparison
March 24, 2025 at 11:54 AM
Barista said "enjoy your coffee". I accidentally replied "you too". Then I made a startling goat noise so the first thing would seem less weird by comparison
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Therapist: Well what sorts of thoughts have been bothering you?
Me: I feel like if I was really different people would feel a different way about me.
Therapist: I mean that is just nothing. I can't do anything with that.
Me: I feel like if I was really different people would feel a different way about me.
Therapist: I mean that is just nothing. I can't do anything with that.
August 29, 2026 at 6:48 PM
Therapist: Well what sorts of thoughts have been bothering you?
Me: I feel like if I was really different people would feel a different way about me.
Therapist: I mean that is just nothing. I can't do anything with that.
Me: I feel like if I was really different people would feel a different way about me.
Therapist: I mean that is just nothing. I can't do anything with that.
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“if we don’t stand up for the free speech of racists, it puts everyone’s free speech in danger.” - guy who only ever talks about free speech when it’s racism
August 23, 2026 at 1:25 PM
“if we don’t stand up for the free speech of racists, it puts everyone’s free speech in danger.” - guy who only ever talks about free speech when it’s racism
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Today I heard a colleague whisper "this is not as accurate as reality" while looking at a sheet filled with numbers
May 7, 2025 at 3:37 PM
Today I heard a colleague whisper "this is not as accurate as reality" while looking at a sheet filled with numbers
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*closes the curtains* now I can eat this burrito the way it deserves to be eaten
August 15, 2026 at 12:20 AM
*closes the curtains* now I can eat this burrito the way it deserves to be eaten
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When I read posts I feel confused and unsettled but when I read a book I feel calm enjoyment. Ah well, time to read several hundred posts
August 22, 2026 at 4:47 PM
When I read posts I feel confused and unsettled but when I read a book I feel calm enjoyment. Ah well, time to read several hundred posts
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got a text today from an unknown number asking me if I'd seen Christopher Nolan's Odyssey and if I had any thoughts on it ... it turned out to be from a friend's new number, but for a while I really thought it was a devious new scam targeted at heterosexual men
August 4, 2026 at 10:32 PM
got a text today from an unknown number asking me if I'd seen Christopher Nolan's Odyssey and if I had any thoughts on it ... it turned out to be from a friend's new number, but for a while I really thought it was a devious new scam targeted at heterosexual men
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eating a bunch of books to keep up with ai
July 30, 2026 at 4:32 PM
eating a bunch of books to keep up with ai
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being a billionaire and on the internet all day is crazy to me. if i had even five million dollars, you would not find me online whatsoever.
July 27, 2026 at 2:41 AM
being a billionaire and on the internet all day is crazy to me. if i had even five million dollars, you would not find me online whatsoever.
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before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. that way, you can sell the second one to fund your journey. follow me for more Revenge Grindset tips and tricks
July 14, 2026 at 1:59 PM
before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. that way, you can sell the second one to fund your journey. follow me for more Revenge Grindset tips and tricks
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every job i see these days is like:
LEAD CONTENT ANALYST, Puppy Killing Factory (remote). $350,000 - $500,000. You will edit our internal newsletter (circulation 500).
Associate Editor, Nonprofits, Global Good Magazine (in office, NYC). $27,000 - $28,000. Lead ALL of our fundraising efforts!
LEAD CONTENT ANALYST, Puppy Killing Factory (remote). $350,000 - $500,000. You will edit our internal newsletter (circulation 500).
Associate Editor, Nonprofits, Global Good Magazine (in office, NYC). $27,000 - $28,000. Lead ALL of our fundraising efforts!
July 2, 2026 at 1:58 PM
every job i see these days is like:
LEAD CONTENT ANALYST, Puppy Killing Factory (remote). $350,000 - $500,000. You will edit our internal newsletter (circulation 500).
Associate Editor, Nonprofits, Global Good Magazine (in office, NYC). $27,000 - $28,000. Lead ALL of our fundraising efforts!
LEAD CONTENT ANALYST, Puppy Killing Factory (remote). $350,000 - $500,000. You will edit our internal newsletter (circulation 500).
Associate Editor, Nonprofits, Global Good Magazine (in office, NYC). $27,000 - $28,000. Lead ALL of our fundraising efforts!
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legs: nature’s napkin ™️
June 29, 2026 at 11:26 PM
legs: nature’s napkin ™️
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Its been over a month and I'm still thinking about this
July 2, 2026 at 4:05 PM
Its been over a month and I'm still thinking about this
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If you’re not joking around with me you’re joking around against me
July 1, 2026 at 4:02 PM
If you’re not joking around with me you’re joking around against me
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can’t get the taste of teeth out my mouth
July 1, 2026 at 11:52 PM
can’t get the taste of teeth out my mouth
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New app: do you want to enable notifications?
Me: I don't even want to have this phone
Me: I don't even want to have this phone
June 20, 2026 at 5:57 PM
New app: do you want to enable notifications?
Me: I don't even want to have this phone
Me: I don't even want to have this phone
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“let the pizza rest for five min-“ the pizza can rest when it’s dead
June 9, 2026 at 12:09 AM
“let the pizza rest for five min-“ the pizza can rest when it’s dead
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tired: saving to Documents
wired: saving to the Desktop
inspired: saving straight to the Trash
wired: saving to the Desktop
inspired: saving straight to the Trash
June 6, 2026 at 5:39 PM
tired: saving to Documents
wired: saving to the Desktop
inspired: saving straight to the Trash
wired: saving to the Desktop
inspired: saving straight to the Trash