I think Nissans might just grow them

me, tomorrow, probably: why are my arms sore

doing a lot of resets on Decimillipede. bet you wish you had Dagger Spray now eh

getting smoked by Hunter-Killer (who among us)

did not take Dagger Spray 👎

uncle: I think it's going to be an indoor wedding, even though the rain is light
me: yeah you do not want to ruin everyone's makeup and hair
uncle: I do not have these problems-
me: bc you do not wear makeup and you do not have hair
uncle:

me: did they get two field goals or did they miss a kick?
uncle: I don't know. it was before my time.

uncle: [cousin], you think [late dog]'s Eagles jersey would fit [nephew]?
cousin: I think he's configured differently

grandma: who's more important, the Eagles game or me?
uncle: Well, it is Eagles / Rams.

cousin: [nephew], can you say yes? [nods dramatically]
nephew: no no no no no [shakes head dramatically]

cousin: what do you think, grandma? was it easier to go from zero to one [kid] or from one to two?
grandma: WELL, [gestures conspicuously at father and uncle]

everyone: fuck this, fuck that
father: we have got to stop swearing around [nephew]
grandma: we've been doing pretty well. except for [me]. she's been going fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

uncle to father: don't stab anyone

semi relatedly an acquaintance of mine once referred to his puppy's upcoming neuter as 'on Thursday [puppy] is going to get disemballed'