Yesterday, a man on the bus asked me if I had any pets.
I said "Yes, a goldfish".
He said "Any hobbies?"
I replied "Well, he seems to like swimming." #oneliners
I said "Yes, a goldfish".
He said "Any hobbies?"
I replied "Well, he seems to like swimming." #oneliners
July 23, 2026 at 8:04 PM
Yesterday, a man on the bus asked me if I had any pets.
I said "Yes, a goldfish".
He said "Any hobbies?"
I replied "Well, he seems to like swimming." #oneliners
I said "Yes, a goldfish".
He said "Any hobbies?"
I replied "Well, he seems to like swimming." #oneliners
My wife says I don't give her enough privacy.
At least, that's what she wrote in her diary.
#oneliners
At least, that's what she wrote in her diary.
#oneliners
April 23, 2026 at 9:41 AM
My wife says I don't give her enough privacy.
At least, that's what she wrote in her diary.
#oneliners
At least, that's what she wrote in her diary.
#oneliners
Rapid 🔥 Mitch Hedberg & Steven Wright style 1 liner jokes I wrote. 🫳🖊️ #standupcomedy #Specials #oneliners #touringHeadliner #jennifergable
August 18, 2026 at 10:29 PM
Rapid 🔥 Mitch Hedberg & Steven Wright style 1 liner jokes I wrote. 🫳🖊️ #standupcomedy #Specials #oneliners #touringHeadliner #jennifergable
My publishers said I can pick a ghost writer. I've decided on Shakespeare.
#standup
#comedy
#oneliners #jokes
#🦗
#standup
#comedy
#oneliners #jokes
#🦗
November 23, 2024 at 1:32 PM
My publishers said I can pick a ghost writer. I've decided on Shakespeare.
#standup
#comedy
#oneliners #jokes
#🦗
#standup
#comedy
#oneliners #jokes
#🦗
November 22, 2024 at 2:12 PM
Her: I wonder why my wellies have 'L' and 'R' on them?
Him (patiently): That's because one is for your left foot and the other for your right.
Her: Oh I see. Well that explains something. I always wondered why my knickers had "C & A" in them! #oneliners
Him (patiently): That's because one is for your left foot and the other for your right.
Her: Oh I see. Well that explains something. I always wondered why my knickers had "C & A" in them! #oneliners
July 25, 2026 at 6:36 PM
Her: I wonder why my wellies have 'L' and 'R' on them?
Him (patiently): That's because one is for your left foot and the other for your right.
Her: Oh I see. Well that explains something. I always wondered why my knickers had "C & A" in them! #oneliners
Him (patiently): That's because one is for your left foot and the other for your right.
Her: Oh I see. Well that explains something. I always wondered why my knickers had "C & A" in them! #oneliners
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
If our country believes in free speech, why do we have phone bills ?
Your artistic license has been revoked !
Every morning is the dawn of a new error .
I can see clearly now - the brain is gone !
#OneLiners
If our country believes in free speech, why do we have phone bills ?
Your artistic license has been revoked !
Every morning is the dawn of a new error .
I can see clearly now - the brain is gone !
#OneLiners
March 30, 2026 at 3:35 PM
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
If our country believes in free speech, why do we have phone bills ?
Your artistic license has been revoked !
Every morning is the dawn of a new error .
I can see clearly now - the brain is gone !
#OneLiners
If our country believes in free speech, why do we have phone bills ?
Your artistic license has been revoked !
Every morning is the dawn of a new error .
I can see clearly now - the brain is gone !
#OneLiners
An agreeable academic adventure into fairyland, with a side of romance and neurodivergence.
#bookreviews #read #emilywilde’sencyclopaediaoffaeries #booksky #oneliners
#bookreviews #read #emilywilde’sencyclopaediaoffaeries #booksky #oneliners
March 16, 2025 at 1:33 PM
An agreeable academic adventure into fairyland, with a side of romance and neurodivergence.
#bookreviews #read #emilywilde’sencyclopaediaoffaeries #booksky #oneliners
#bookreviews #read #emilywilde’sencyclopaediaoffaeries #booksky #oneliners
April 18, 2025 at 7:16 PM
Je zult maar fan zijn van een man die veroordeeld is voor fraude en verdacht wordt van mensenhandel en verkrachting. Tate schijnt letterlijk vrouwen uit hun verband gerukt te hebben. #oneliners. Maar verkrachten is kennelijk de behoefte van de vrouw. #bijzonder
Zijn oneliners worden vaak uit verband gerukt. Als je zijn hele verhaal hoort ziet hij de man als iemand die voorziet in de behoeften van de vrouw en het gezin, en de vrouw die niks hoéft qua werk… maar het wel mag. Maar zijn visie is dat familiewaarden aangevallen worden in de huidige maatschappij.
February 16, 2025 at 9:35 AM
Je zult maar fan zijn van een man die veroordeeld is voor fraude en verdacht wordt van mensenhandel en verkrachting. Tate schijnt letterlijk vrouwen uit hun verband gerukt te hebben. #oneliners. Maar verkrachten is kennelijk de behoefte van de vrouw. #bijzonder
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
-American comedian Phyllis Diller, born on this day in 1917
She was among the first women to become a household name as stand-up comics.
#Wit #Funny #OneLiners #Guinness #Record
She told 12 jokes in one minute = laugh every five seconds
-American comedian Phyllis Diller, born on this day in 1917
She was among the first women to become a household name as stand-up comics.
#Wit #Funny #OneLiners #Guinness #Record
She told 12 jokes in one minute = laugh every five seconds
July 17, 2026 at 4:41 PM
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
-American comedian Phyllis Diller, born on this day in 1917
She was among the first women to become a household name as stand-up comics.
#Wit #Funny #OneLiners #Guinness #Record
She told 12 jokes in one minute = laugh every five seconds
-American comedian Phyllis Diller, born on this day in 1917
She was among the first women to become a household name as stand-up comics.
#Wit #Funny #OneLiners #Guinness #Record
She told 12 jokes in one minute = laugh every five seconds
#PolitiPod #politicalhumor #funny #sketches #oneliners #elections
Enjoy a laugh at Politics with the latest release Four More Years of Winter from PolitiPod at
SoundCloud.com/PolitiPod/Romneylooksbettereveryday
Enjoy a laugh at Politics with the latest release Four More Years of Winter from PolitiPod at
SoundCloud.com/PolitiPod/Romneylooksbettereveryday
Romneylooksbettereveryday
Welcome to PolitiPod where we join you for fun with politics, governance, and more. This is Episode Romney Looks Better Every Day; I’m your host, Matt Nisenoff.
You’ll hear oneliners on the Word From
SoundCloud.com
April 18, 2025 at 1:13 PM
#PolitiPod #politicalhumor #funny #sketches #oneliners #elections
Enjoy a laugh at Politics with the latest release Four More Years of Winter from PolitiPod at
SoundCloud.com/PolitiPod/Romneylooksbettereveryday
Enjoy a laugh at Politics with the latest release Four More Years of Winter from PolitiPod at
SoundCloud.com/PolitiPod/Romneylooksbettereveryday
Cereal
#brianregan #jerryseinfeld #stevenwright #comedy #pgcomedy #oneliners #oneliner #jokes #pgjokes #shortstories #pgshortstories
#brianregan #jerryseinfeld #stevenwright #comedy #pgcomedy #oneliners #oneliner #jokes #pgjokes #shortstories #pgshortstories
February 12, 2024 at 8:03 PM
Waaah, #DearDebbie is a treasure trove of #oneliners. 4th #sentenceoftheday #booksky #FreidaMcFadden #amreading
"You do well enough as a worker bee," he says thoughtfully.
"You do well enough as a worker bee," he says thoughtfully.
September 19, 2026 at 4:18 PM
Waaah, #DearDebbie is a treasure trove of #oneliners. 4th #sentenceoftheday #booksky #FreidaMcFadden #amreading
"You do well enough as a worker bee," he says thoughtfully.
"You do well enough as a worker bee," he says thoughtfully.
THE REFERENCES ARE TOP TIER #shorts #Bayonetta #oneliners #indianajones #twitchfunnyclips #youtubeshorts #twitchstreamer
September 24, 2026 at 8:53 PM
THE REFERENCES ARE TOP TIER #shorts #Bayonetta #oneliners #indianajones #twitchfunnyclips #youtubeshorts #twitchstreamer
😂😂😂 EVEN MORE Pokémon One-Liners! #pokemon #oneliners
January 27, 2026 at 4:49 PM
😂😂😂 EVEN MORE Pokémon One-Liners! #pokemon #oneliners
A gripping romantic dystopian, where Juliette, a girl who has the power to kill with one touch, must battle her inner and outer demons as she discovers she is not so alone after all. (Gave us X-Men vibes!)
#bookreviews #reading #oneliners #booksky #read #shatterme
#bookreviews #reading #oneliners #booksky #read #shatterme
March 16, 2025 at 1:31 PM
A gripping romantic dystopian, where Juliette, a girl who has the power to kill with one touch, must battle her inner and outer demons as she discovers she is not so alone after all. (Gave us X-Men vibes!)
#bookreviews #reading #oneliners #booksky #read #shatterme
#bookreviews #reading #oneliners #booksky #read #shatterme
When my dishwasher needs emptying it lets out this insistent whining noise.
And I always ask it "How long have we been married?"
#standup
#comedy
#oneliners #jokes
#🦗
And I always ask it "How long have we been married?"
#standup
#comedy
#oneliners #jokes
#🦗
November 24, 2024 at 6:26 PM
When my dishwasher needs emptying it lets out this insistent whining noise.
And I always ask it "How long have we been married?"
#standup
#comedy
#oneliners #jokes
#🦗
And I always ask it "How long have we been married?"
#standup
#comedy
#oneliners #jokes
#🦗
How is your writing week shaping up #WomenWritersNet? Are there words being wrangled? Are they flowing or stuck? Share your favourite sentence or killer phrase here...remember, every story starts with one line
#writing #w-i-p #oneliners
#writing #w-i-p #oneliners
July 15, 2026 at 7:32 AM
How is your writing week shaping up #WomenWritersNet? Are there words being wrangled? Are they flowing or stuck? Share your favourite sentence or killer phrase here...remember, every story starts with one line
#writing #w-i-p #oneliners
#writing #w-i-p #oneliners
March 25, 2025 at 3:20 PM
February 11, 2025 at 2:36 PM
I fuckin' curse so much that a Maloik accidentally bumped into me, stared at the ground, and profusely apologized.🤘
And sorry about the effing language. Eff.
#BadEvilSpiritJokes #OneLiners
And sorry about the effing language. Eff.
#BadEvilSpiritJokes #OneLiners
April 4, 2026 at 1:45 PM
I fuckin' curse so much that a Maloik accidentally bumped into me, stared at the ground, and profusely apologized.🤘
And sorry about the effing language. Eff.
#BadEvilSpiritJokes #OneLiners
And sorry about the effing language. Eff.
#BadEvilSpiritJokes #OneLiners
Enjoy a laugh at Politics from PolitiPod at SoundCloud.com/PolitiPod/ketaminestreets
#PolitiPod #wordfromthestreet #funny #humor #politicalhumor #sketches #oneliners #govote #politics #government #resist #vote #electioncentral #Sightline #RealNewz #MarchForOurLives #News #FatCats
#PolitiPod #wordfromthestreet #funny #humor #politicalhumor #sketches #oneliners #govote #politics #government #resist #vote #electioncentral #Sightline #RealNewz #MarchForOurLives #News #FatCats
KetamineStreets
Welcome to PolitiPod where we join you for fun with politics, governance, and more. This is Episode Ketamine Streets with your host, Matt Nisenoff.
You’ll hear oneliners on the Word From The Street a
SoundCloud.com
June 19, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Enjoy a laugh at Politics from PolitiPod at SoundCloud.com/PolitiPod/ketaminestreets
#PolitiPod #wordfromthestreet #funny #humor #politicalhumor #sketches #oneliners #govote #politics #government #resist #vote #electioncentral #Sightline #RealNewz #MarchForOurLives #News #FatCats
#PolitiPod #wordfromthestreet #funny #humor #politicalhumor #sketches #oneliners #govote #politics #government #resist #vote #electioncentral #Sightline #RealNewz #MarchForOurLives #News #FatCats