Uninformed Citizen Scrambling To Research Last 2,500 Years Of Democracy Before Voting https://theonion.com/uninformed-citizen-scrambling-to-research-last-2500-years-of-democracy-before-voting/
November 3, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Uninformed Citizen Scrambling To Research Last 2,500 Years Of Democracy Before Voting https://theonion.com/uninformed-citizen-scrambling-to-research-last-2500-years-of-democracy-before-voting/
congratulations to every american citizen for becoming gay and muslim
November 4, 2026 at 3:43 AM
congratulations to every american citizen for becoming gay and muslim
Ummm, he is an American citizen…
November 1, 2026 at 4:02 PM
Ummm, he is an American citizen…
You are not a Customer. You are a Citizen, with Sacred Duties.
November 1, 2026 at 11:59 AM
You are not a Customer. You are a Citizen, with Sacred Duties.
If you're a U.S. Citizen and you haven't voted yet, GO VOTE
November 3, 2026 at 1:02 PM
If you're a U.S. Citizen and you haven't voted yet, GO VOTE
I'm just a civically engaged citizen sir
November 3, 2026 at 8:07 PM
I'm just a civically engaged citizen sir
Hello, Bluesky!
Order of operations today:
1. Vote (if you're a US citizen and have not yet)!
2. Reward yourself for voting with a copy of Monsters of Ohio, which is OUT TODAY
3. Enjoy!
(Not a US citizen? Skip to step 2; reward yourself for being alive in the world)
Order of operations today:
1. Vote (if you're a US citizen and have not yet)!
2. Reward yourself for voting with a copy of Monsters of Ohio, which is OUT TODAY
3. Enjoy!
(Not a US citizen? Skip to step 2; reward yourself for being alive in the world)
November 3, 2026 at 12:27 PM
Hello, Bluesky!
Order of operations today:
1. Vote (if you're a US citizen and have not yet)!
2. Reward yourself for voting with a copy of Monsters of Ohio, which is OUT TODAY
3. Enjoy!
(Not a US citizen? Skip to step 2; reward yourself for being alive in the world)
Order of operations today:
1. Vote (if you're a US citizen and have not yet)!
2. Reward yourself for voting with a copy of Monsters of Ohio, which is OUT TODAY
3. Enjoy!
(Not a US citizen? Skip to step 2; reward yourself for being alive in the world)
Honoring my duty as an American citizen.
November 3, 2026 at 2:06 PM
Honoring my duty as an American citizen.
I celebrate this fact as both a US citizen and a PA resident...
November 4, 2026 at 5:12 AM
I celebrate this fact as both a US citizen and a PA resident...
Be a good U.S. citizen and vote today.
November 3, 2026 at 2:41 PM
Be a good U.S. citizen and vote today.
Dear Nintendo,
Can I play my fucking game at midnight?
Concerned citizen.
Can I play my fucking game at midnight?
Concerned citizen.
November 4, 2026 at 4:37 PM
Dear Nintendo,
Can I play my fucking game at midnight?
Concerned citizen.
Can I play my fucking game at midnight?
Concerned citizen.
I don't think we should have birthright citizenship. I think you should only become an American citizen if you defeat a current citizen in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. This is what almost every other country in the world does.
November 4, 2026 at 10:30 PM
I don't think we should have birthright citizenship. I think you should only become an American citizen if you defeat a current citizen in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. This is what almost every other country in the world does.
Neoliberalism turns the citizen into the customer and many socialists are too afraid of what happens when you tell the customer they're actually a citizen
Great retort to the natural endpoint of treating voters like consumers not citizens, Polanski's "Tax Wealth, Not Work"
October 31, 2026 at 10:26 AM
Neoliberalism turns the citizen into the customer and many socialists are too afraid of what happens when you tell the customer they're actually a citizen
Does this mean I'm a dual citizen now?
November 2, 2026 at 4:23 PM
Does this mean I'm a dual citizen now?
Me, watching election results flow in in a country I'm not even a citizen of:
November 4, 2026 at 3:23 AM
Me, watching election results flow in in a country I'm not even a citizen of:
Dear consultants,
Republicans are worshipping Darth Vader and beating off to gender swapped Malfoy, can we call them weird yet or nah?
-A concerned citizen
Republicans are worshipping Darth Vader and beating off to gender swapped Malfoy, can we call them weird yet or nah?
-A concerned citizen
November 3, 2026 at 12:00 PM
Dear consultants,
Republicans are worshipping Darth Vader and beating off to gender swapped Malfoy, can we call them weird yet or nah?
-A concerned citizen
Republicans are worshipping Darth Vader and beating off to gender swapped Malfoy, can we call them weird yet or nah?
-A concerned citizen
If you're a US citizen you can skip step two I GUESS but absolutely do not skip step one. Get out there and vote, y'all.
November 3, 2026 at 12:31 PM
If you're a US citizen you can skip step two I GUESS but absolutely do not skip step one. Get out there and vote, y'all.
No the hell he did not this nigga is NOT a US citizen [ @0lightsource.bsky.social ]
November 3, 2026 at 10:19 PM
No the hell he did not this nigga is NOT a US citizen [ @0lightsource.bsky.social ]
*krch* acknowledge that land citizen
November 4, 2026 at 4:54 AM
*krch* acknowledge that land citizen
I voted twice today, and I'm not even a US citizen
November 3, 2026 at 5:22 PM
I voted twice today, and I'm not even a US citizen
Citizen Kane (which has all three).
November 4, 2026 at 3:46 AM
Citizen Kane (which has all three).