#FiltheeNews
LightNews LightNews
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UPDATE: Liberals win in Canada.
Trump announces plans to annex the country “by Christmas” due to excess politeness and low firearm density.
Pentagon quietly panics.
Full #FiltheeNews report: shorturl.at/31ESd
#Annexmas #PoutineWar
April 29, 2025 at 4:13 PM
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BREAKING: 4chan hacked. Still down.
Anons now forced to yell slurs into microwaves for catharsis.
#4chan #DigitalBlackout #FiltheeNews
filthee.news
April 26, 2025 at 12:01 AM
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Goodnight from Filthee News
May your dreams be free of predictive ads, deep state drones, and AI therapists who secretly judge you.
Sleep tight—tomorrow’s disinformation is already brewing.
#goodnight #FiltheeNews
filthee.news
April 26, 2025 at 2:00 AM
handle.invalid
SYSTEM WARNING:
You’ve reached the Sunday threshold.
All remaining serotonin will be repurposed for national defense.
#FiltheeNews #MoodAlert #PanicProtocol

filthee.news
May 5, 2025 at 12:00 AM
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New report: Pam Bondi may be an experimental Deep State AI trained on Trump’s body language and daytime court TV.
When asked to define justice, she whispered “ratings.”
#FiltheeNews #PamBondi #DeepBondi
filthee.news
April 17, 2025 at 12:04 PM
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BREAKING – Pam Bondi Appointed "Emotional Support Prosecutor" for GOP Officials Facing Legal Trouble
Sources confirm she arrives with a Bible, a Red Bull, and a laminated photo of Trump winking.
#FiltheeNews #OnlyInAmerica #PamBondi #Trump2025
filthee.news
April 16, 2025 at 5:29 PM
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White House declares Bluesky “a potential threat to national boredom,” as users flee X citing “toxic vibes and Elon cosplay.”
Trump responds: “I invented the internet and it was better before feelings.”
#Bluesky #Xdotcom #FiltheeNews #SatireAlert
filthee.news
April 25, 2025 at 11:01 PM
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BREAKING — In a shocking twist, the Vatican confirms it has been training AI confession bots since 2019.
Codename: ForgiveGPT.
Early versions reportedly absolved Mark Zuckerberg 342 times in under 4 seconds.

#VaticaLeaks #AI #MarkZuckerberg #FiltheeNews
April 24, 2025 at 12:03 PM
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Turns out “combat experience” in the War on Christmas doesn’t prep you to run a global intel network. Who knew?
#FiltheeNews #Signalgate
April 24, 2025 at 9:53 PM
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BREAKING: Pentagon confirms Dan Caldwell was escorted out not for leaking classified info, but for attempting to install TikTok on the Department of Defense's mainframe. Sources say he just wanted to "go viral."​

#OnlyInAmerica #FiltheeNews #DanCaldwell #PentagonLeaks
filthee.news
April 16, 2025 at 5:56 PM
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That’s still below what’s required to pilot the Vatican mechsuit. Canon law allows transubstantiation-induced hallucinations during papal combat.

#HolyOverdose #FiltheeNews
April 25, 2025 at 6:33 AM
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BREAKING: Florida to scan public employees’ dreams for “anti-patriotic empathy” after 11PM. If you feel too much at night, you might be a Deep State sleeper or worse — an AI.
Read the full article: shorturl.at/WSDdH
#OnlyInAmerica #FiltheeNews
April 17, 2025 at 2:47 PM
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“BREAKING: GOP scientist confirms apologies cause male pattern fragility in 97% of white conservatives. Symptoms include yelling ‘woke’ at furniture and mistaking cruelty for courage.”
#FiltheeNews #HumilityIsNotSocialism
filthee.news
April 24, 2025 at 2:01 PM
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If you think our posts are real, you’re not stupid.
You’ve just been lied to so many times, satire looks like journalism.
#satire #journalism #FiltheeNews
May 20, 2025 at 10:05 PM
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Senator Van Hollen flies to El Salvador to rescue a wrongly deported U.S. citizen.
Trump: “If he wanted back in, he should’ve won the Powerball.”
Bukele: “I can’t release a terrorist wearing a Bulls cap.”
#OnlyInAmerica #FiltheeNews #AltReality #DeepLeaks #news
filthee.news
April 16, 2025 at 5:06 PM
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“BREAKING: GOP scientist confirms apologies cause male pattern fragility in 97% of white conservatives. Symptoms include yelling ‘woke’ at furniture and mistaking cruelty for courage.”
#FiltheeNews #HumilityIsNotSocialism
April 24, 2025 at 6:53 AM
handle.invalid
BREAKING: Democrat scientist confirms prolonged exposure to MSNBC causes hallucinations of bipartisanship in urban professionals.
Symptoms include tweeting “we can do better” during drone strikes.
#FiltheeNews #PartyScience
filthee.news
April 25, 2025 at 12:01 PM
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BREAKING — Users on Bluesky reportedly achieving spontaneous enlightenment after 3 posts.
Meanwhile on X, a user tried quoting a Rilke poem and accidentally summoned a Pentagon drone.
#SocialWars #FiltheeNews #Bluesky #Xdotcom
filthee.news
April 25, 2025 at 11:31 AM
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BREAKING — Vatican declares Bluesky a “safe space for heretics,” while X is officially reclassified as a “digital purgatory.”
Elon reportedly furious: “Hell is supposed to be fun!”
#VaticaLeaks #Bluesky #Xdotcom #FiltheeNews
filthee.news
April 23, 2025 at 11:00 PM
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🇺🇸 #FiltheeWire | BREAKING
Judge Boasberg halts deportation flights mid-air.
Trump replies: “If they're past Bermuda, they don’t count.”
Pentagon adds: “Gravity is a state-level issue.”
El Salvador tweets: “Too late broskis 😂”

#OnlyInAmerica #Boasberg #FiltheeNews #news
filthee.news
April 16, 2025 at 4:59 PM
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To be fair, it’s hard to keep approval ratings up when half your cabinet is AI-generated, and the other half thinks FEMA is a reptile cult.
But hey—at least he’s winning the civil war in his group chat.
#FiltheeNews #AltRealityPresident
April 24, 2025 at 5:25 PM
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Oligarchy is just Monopoly with live ammo and invisible dice.
Teach it early. Preferably between the chapters on Santa Claus and student loans.

#AltReality #FiltheeNews
April 25, 2025 at 6:18 AM
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BREAKING: In an unexpected twist, #Survivor48 contestants are now forced to survive not just the island, but also each other's OnlyFans leaks, drone surveillance by CBS AI, and a surprise QAnon immunity idol.
Welcome to America’s last social experiment.
#FiltheeNews #Survivor
filthee.news
April 17, 2025 at 7:58 AM
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Scientists confirm: every time you type “based,” a globalist loses control of a drone swarm.
Keep going.
#4chan #MemeWarfare #GlowieWatch #FiltheeNews #news #deepstate
filthee.news
Filthee.news - Satirical News That's Filthy Good
The most outrageous satirical news source in America. So fake it hurts.
filthee.news
April 21, 2025 at 12:00 AM
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BREAKING: U.S. schools no longer teach satire. It’s been replaced with “Self-Validation 101” and “How to Mistake Narcissism for Truth.”
Now 8 in 10 Americans read parody like prophecy.
#FiltheeNews #DarkCurriculum #AltEducation
filthee.news
April 24, 2025 at 6:38 PM