instantly assumed this was a kaiju situation
February 24, 2026 at 10:00 AM
instantly assumed this was a kaiju situation
The founders assumed a guy like Trump would come along. They never assumed a congress would so willingly give up their power
This arch thing is bat shit loonery
This arch thing is bat shit loonery
October 17, 2025 at 2:29 AM
The founders assumed a guy like Trump would come along. They never assumed a congress would so willingly give up their power
This arch thing is bat shit loonery
This arch thing is bat shit loonery
June 27, 2026 at 9:52 PM
The Epstein files are clearly more damning than we assumed, which is saying something.
November 12, 2025 at 7:57 PM
The Epstein files are clearly more damning than we assumed, which is saying something.
Assumed this was the onion, but, no.
The Trump administration's new FBI director, Kash Patel, told officials he wants to bring in Ultimate Fighting Championship trainers to teach agents martial arts.
www.reuters.com/world/us/fbi...
www.reuters.com/world/us/fbi...
February 27, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Assumed this was the onion, but, no.
It’s always the ones you just assumed
December 18, 2025 at 7:41 PM
It’s always the ones you just assumed
MAGA Voter Assumed Trump Would Only Deport People On List She Mailed To White House
MAGA Voter Assumed Trump Would Only Deport People On List She Mailed To White House
SAN DIEGO—Shocked by the Immigration and Customs Enforcement raids affecting her very own community, local 43-year-old Jillian Beamer told reporters Monday she had assumed President Donald Trump would...
theonion.com
June 2, 2025 at 8:02 PM
MAGA Voter Assumed Trump Would Only Deport People On List She Mailed To White House
Witnesses Assumed Charlie Kirk Shooter Was Just Ordinary Gunman On School Campus https://theonion.com/witnesses-assumed-charlie-kirk-shooter-was-just-ordinary-gunman-on-school-campus/
December 30, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Witnesses Assumed Charlie Kirk Shooter Was Just Ordinary Gunman On School Campus https://theonion.com/witnesses-assumed-charlie-kirk-shooter-was-just-ordinary-gunman-on-school-campus/
Witnesses Assumed Charlie Kirk Shooter Was Just Ordinary Gunman On School Campus
Witnesses Assumed Charlie Kirk Shooter Was Just Ordinary Gunman On School Campus
OREM, UT—As law enforcement officials search for a person of interest in the assassination of 31-year-old Turning Point USA co-founder Charlie Kirk, witnesses on the scene at Utah Valley University ad...
theonion.com
September 11, 2025 at 7:41 PM
Witnesses Assumed Charlie Kirk Shooter Was Just Ordinary Gunman On School Campus
MAGA Voter Assumed Trump Would Only Deport People On List She Mailed To White House https://theonion.com/maga-voter-assumed-trump-would-only-deport-people-on-list-she-mailed-to-white-house/
December 29, 2025 at 12:00 AM
MAGA Voter Assumed Trump Would Only Deport People On List She Mailed To White House https://theonion.com/maga-voter-assumed-trump-would-only-deport-people-on-list-she-mailed-to-white-house/
Pet Iguana Assumed He’d Move Out Of Starter Tank By Now https://theonion.com/pet-iguana-assumed-hed-move-out-of-starter-tank-by-now/
February 4, 2026 at 10:20 PM
Pet Iguana Assumed He’d Move Out Of Starter Tank By Now https://theonion.com/pet-iguana-assumed-hed-move-out-of-starter-tank-by-now/
As we all rightly assumed ages ago, Mel Gibson is C-R-A-Z-Y.
August 8, 2026 at 12:19 AM
As we all rightly assumed ages ago, Mel Gibson is C-R-A-Z-Y.
Adam Kinzinger “The founders assumed a guy like #Trump would come along — They never assumed a Congress would so willingly give up their power—“
And by extension, a Supreme Court
And by extension, a Supreme Court
December 8, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Adam Kinzinger “The founders assumed a guy like #Trump would come along — They never assumed a Congress would so willingly give up their power—“
And by extension, a Supreme Court
And by extension, a Supreme Court
I wonder if Mitch McConnell assumed Americans who lost their healthcare would "get over it" because they will be dead.
June 25, 2025 at 6:50 PM
I wonder if Mitch McConnell assumed Americans who lost their healthcare would "get over it" because they will be dead.
I think the Trump admin assumed no one would try to find out who the people on the boats they blew up really were
September 29, 2025 at 3:42 PM
I think the Trump admin assumed no one would try to find out who the people on the boats they blew up really were
Man Who Bought 'Odyssey’ Ticket Year Ahead Correctly Assumed He Wouldn’t Have Anything Going On
July 17, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Man Who Bought 'Odyssey’ Ticket Year Ahead Correctly Assumed He Wouldn’t Have Anything Going On
I guess it says something that a Tesla caught fire and blew up and most assumed it was a battery issue.
January 3, 2025 at 12:08 AM
I guess it says something that a Tesla caught fire and blew up and most assumed it was a battery issue.
Wait. It's real? I assumed it was satire. I ASSUMED IT WAS SATIRE! Is life... satire now?
Today, Trump declared that the nation will host the first-ever “Patriot Games,” an “unprecedented four-day athletic event” featuring high school athletes, one boy and one girl, from each state and territory.
If you think this sounds like The Hunger Games, you're not alone.
If you think this sounds like The Hunger Games, you're not alone.
Trump just announced his own Hunger Games
In case you needed a reminder that we're living in a fascist hellscape.
www.motherjones.com
December 18, 2025 at 9:08 PM
Wait. It's real? I assumed it was satire. I ASSUMED IT WAS SATIRE! Is life... satire now?
it fucking rules that new york city politics have become what outsiders assumed they already were
June 24, 2026 at 4:23 AM
it fucking rules that new york city politics have become what outsiders assumed they already were
I particularly love that they just assumed honeybees get dizzy
September 23, 2026 at 12:36 AM
I particularly love that they just assumed honeybees get dizzy
I assumed this would be clear but — posting new calls for violence in this thread will get you blocked
September 28, 2026 at 12:16 AM
I assumed this would be clear but — posting new calls for violence in this thread will get you blocked
Never seen a picture of him before, I always assumed he wore glasses
May 5, 2026 at 1:31 PM
Never seen a picture of him before, I always assumed he wore glasses
had honestly just assumed everyone was in agreement here
July 24, 2026 at 11:36 PM
had honestly just assumed everyone was in agreement here