Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9
theonion.com/egg-companie...
theonion.com/egg-companie...
March 13, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9
theonion.com/egg-companie...
theonion.com/egg-companie...
I assure you, none of them are mine.
Trump: "We have planes that are undetectable flying around. Nobody's able to see them. Stealth."
June 20, 2025 at 1:35 AM
I assure you, none of them are mine.
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9 https://theonion.com/egg-companies-assure-customers-dozen-has-always-meant-9/
March 7, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9 https://theonion.com/egg-companies-assure-customers-dozen-has-always-meant-9/
AI development is moving faster than our ability to assure its safety. It’s time to hit pause until we can assure it won’t…destroy us.
September 9, 2026 at 8:34 PM
AI development is moving faster than our ability to assure its safety. It’s time to hit pause until we can assure it won’t…destroy us.
December 18, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Are you worried things can’t get stupider? I assure you they can and will
January 5, 2026 at 2:49 PM
Are you worried things can’t get stupider? I assure you they can and will
I assure you: You cannot destroy this machine
Your grandmother bought this TV in 1972. It still works today
April 10, 2026 at 8:54 PM
I assure you: You cannot destroy this machine
"Je vous assure que j'ai pensé aryen !"
"Il n'y a aucun moment où j'ai pensé à mal", se défend Tanguy (RN) à propos de son "Le travail rend libre". Sans même se rendre compte que c'est EXACTEMENT le problème.
September 27, 2026 at 1:18 AM
"Je vous assure que j'ai pensé aryen !"
Doodle to assure you I’m not dead, yet
December 18, 2024 at 9:51 PM
Doodle to assure you I’m not dead, yet
I assure you, right now is the *perfect* time to discuss gun control.
April 26, 2026 at 3:13 AM
I assure you, right now is the *perfect* time to discuss gun control.
The Epstein Class will assure that Todd Blanche is confirmed to protect them.
July 29, 2026 at 4:58 PM
The Epstein Class will assure that Todd Blanche is confirmed to protect them.
I assure you that if 8 million right leaning protesters had turned out against Obama it the NYT would have given it banner treatment eg POPULIST REVOLT
March 29, 2026 at 7:20 PM
I assure you that if 8 million right leaning protesters had turned out against Obama it the NYT would have given it banner treatment eg POPULIST REVOLT
Une campagne de désinformation russe assure que Gabriel Attal est apprécié des Français https://www.legorafi.fr/2026/08/07/une-campagne-de-desinformation-russe-assure-que-gabriel-attal-est-apprecie-des-francais/
Une campagne de désinformation russe assure que Gabriel Attal est apprécié des Français
Toute l'information selon des sources contradictoires.
www.legorafi.fr
August 7, 2026 at 2:03 PM
Une campagne de désinformation russe assure que Gabriel Attal est apprécié des Français https://www.legorafi.fr/2026/08/07/une-campagne-de-desinformation-russe-assure-que-gabriel-attal-est-apprecie-des-francais/
We are still, I assure you, New York Fucking City.
600 ICE agents were supposed to be deployed to Canal Street. Hundreds of New Yorkers gathered instead.
Quick summary by me:
Quick summary by me:
November 29, 2025 at 7:50 PM
We are still, I assure you, New York Fucking City.
Oh, it's real. I assure you, James Gunn.
July 12, 2025 at 1:20 PM
Oh, it's real. I assure you, James Gunn.
I assure you, you have two years.
March 10, 2026 at 6:28 PM
I assure you, you have two years.
"This isn't a left vs right issue any more"
I assure you it is
I assure you it is
March 14, 2025 at 10:03 PM
"This isn't a left vs right issue any more"
I assure you it is
I assure you it is
I assure you that I am also not buying a Tesla today.
February 28, 2025 at 3:26 PM
I assure you that I am also not buying a Tesla today.
Just reading some fine literature... completely normal I assure you
May 16, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Just reading some fine literature... completely normal I assure you
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9 theonion.com/egg-companie...
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9
JACKSON, MS—Seeking to assuage consumer concerns about dwindling supplies, the nation’s egg companies reportedly assured shoppers this week that a dozen has always meant nine. “While we have seen some...
theonion.com
March 15, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9 theonion.com/egg-companie...
they're verity good i assure you
August 14, 2026 at 7:07 AM
they're verity good i assure you
I can assure you I will never forget
October 29, 2025 at 12:38 AM
I can assure you I will never forget
I ASSURE you, Bluesky gets jokes.
November 4, 2025 at 1:41 PM
I ASSURE you, Bluesky gets jokes.
People are always asking "what's Comet up to?!" She's busy I assure you
August 28, 2026 at 6:42 PM
People are always asking "what's Comet up to?!" She's busy I assure you
Oh, I assure you it's quite based.
June 17, 2026 at 7:40 PM
Oh, I assure you it's quite based.