Doctor stocked me up on vaccines, ColoGuard, lorazepam, bumped me up to 10 mg Mounjaro, and sent me on my way.
Old age is a very long series of healthcare maintenance trips.
Old age is a very long series of healthcare maintenance trips.
November 12, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Doctor stocked me up on vaccines, ColoGuard, lorazepam, bumped me up to 10 mg Mounjaro, and sent me on my way.
Old age is a very long series of healthcare maintenance trips.
Old age is a very long series of healthcare maintenance trips.
Cologuard is stalking me
July 28, 2026 at 4:33 PM
Cologuard is stalking me
Just got a text from ColoGuard that said, “u up girl?”
May 24, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Just got a text from ColoGuard that said, “u up girl?”
I let my cat shit in my ColoGuard box and now I have feline leukemia.
August 10, 2026 at 4:28 PM
I let my cat shit in my ColoGuard box and now I have feline leukemia.
Ball's in your court, Cologuard
I think one more commercial telling us to come together will do the trick.
February 10, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Ball's in your court, Cologuard
omg ... this is soooo much better than cologuard.
wait. where exactly am I getting sniffed?
wait. where exactly am I getting sniffed?
January 29, 2026 at 11:46 PM
omg ... this is soooo much better than cologuard.
wait. where exactly am I getting sniffed?
wait. where exactly am I getting sniffed?
-What a time to be alive. You can just poop in a box and send it away to strangers.
-Good on you. Lots of people are using Cologuard.
-Colo what now?
-Good on you. Lots of people are using Cologuard.
-Colo what now?
June 1, 2026 at 12:49 PM
-What a time to be alive. You can just poop in a box and send it away to strangers.
-Good on you. Lots of people are using Cologuard.
-Colo what now?
-Good on you. Lots of people are using Cologuard.
-Colo what now?
Cologuard can get more people to shit in a box if they put a picture of Donald Trump in it.
Follow me for more life hacks.
Follow me for more life hacks.
July 4, 2026 at 4:07 PM
Cologuard can get more people to shit in a box if they put a picture of Donald Trump in it.
Follow me for more life hacks.
Follow me for more life hacks.
Sending Cologuard a sample every day until they're sick of my shit.
April 22, 2026 at 4:42 PM
Sending Cologuard a sample every day until they're sick of my shit.
Dropping off my Cologuard sample at a UPS so the sorcerers can scry my humours and prophesy about whether a Great Evil hath indeed possessed my entrails.
September 23, 2026 at 4:28 PM
Dropping off my Cologuard sample at a UPS so the sorcerers can scry my humours and prophesy about whether a Great Evil hath indeed possessed my entrails.
sometimes I get really annoyed with my job but then remember I’m not the person who has to open all the packages over at Cologuard
September 18, 2026 at 9:55 AM
sometimes I get really annoyed with my job but then remember I’m not the person who has to open all the packages over at Cologuard
The funniest thing would be for Biden to outlive Trump, and send his Cologuard sample to represent himself at the state funeral.
Trump's splotchy hand and swollen ankles raise new questions about Joe Biden's health.
August 24, 2025 at 2:01 AM
The funniest thing would be for Biden to outlive Trump, and send his Cologuard sample to represent himself at the state funeral.
Thanking the sweet merciful Lord that I was offered to use ColoGuard for the time being.
October 6, 2026 at 11:36 PM
Thanking the sweet merciful Lord that I was offered to use ColoGuard for the time being.
8. If you have a family history of cancer, get a baseline screening for it: mammogram for breast cancer, colonoscopy or Cologuard for colon cancer, dermatologist visit with full-body exam and documentation of all skin abnormalities for skin cancer, etc.
November 6, 2024 at 2:41 PM
8. If you have a family history of cancer, get a baseline screening for it: mammogram for breast cancer, colonoscopy or Cologuard for colon cancer, dermatologist visit with full-body exam and documentation of all skin abnormalities for skin cancer, etc.
For fun, I put dog poop in the Cologuard box.
January 3, 2026 at 8:35 PM
For fun, I put dog poop in the Cologuard box.
"I'm still punk," I say as I sign for my Cologuard delivery.
November 4, 2024 at 8:23 PM
"I'm still punk," I say as I sign for my Cologuard delivery.
Did … cologuard just run a commercial in which a fake medieval king knights a box holding his own poop?
January 12, 2025 at 7:55 PM
Did … cologuard just run a commercial in which a fake medieval king knights a box holding his own poop?
The lineup of esteemed panelists at this year’s San Diego Ideas Festival (Sponsored by Cologuard and Lockheed Martin)
March 5, 2026 at 5:42 PM
The lineup of esteemed panelists at this year’s San Diego Ideas Festival (Sponsored by Cologuard and Lockheed Martin)
CBS SHOWED THE COLOGUARD MEDIEVALISM AD in which the king knights the box holding his poop.
January 20, 2025 at 2:16 AM
CBS SHOWED THE COLOGUARD MEDIEVALISM AD in which the king knights the box holding his poop.
I am so thankful that I still qualify for Cologuard.
October 6, 2026 at 12:48 PM
I am so thankful that I still qualify for Cologuard.
Cologuard keeps texting me: when ya gonna shit in a box DANIEL how come u no shit in our box yet PLEASE RESPOND
November 30, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Cologuard keeps texting me: when ya gonna shit in a box DANIEL how come u no shit in our box yet PLEASE RESPOND
I am cologuard-automatically sent-by-my-insurance-company-on-my-birthday old.
August 23, 2025 at 11:51 AM
I am cologuard-automatically sent-by-my-insurance-company-on-my-birthday old.
Me: “I had to poop in a cardboard box today and send it off in the mail.” 📦
Friend: “Yeah, I did Cologuard, too.” 💩
Me (puzzled): “Cologuard?” 🤔
Friend: “Yeah, I did Cologuard, too.” 💩
Me (puzzled): “Cologuard?” 🤔
January 10, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Me: “I had to poop in a cardboard box today and send it off in the mail.” 📦
Friend: “Yeah, I did Cologuard, too.” 💩
Me (puzzled): “Cologuard?” 🤔
Friend: “Yeah, I did Cologuard, too.” 💩
Me (puzzled): “Cologuard?” 🤔