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SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 3 Picks
#nflpicks #week3 #nflweek3 #sortapicks #sortasports #sortapicksiii #sortapicks3
Picks: *Falcons-Packers (TNF): Packers (Okay, I'm like 40 minutes late, but I literally won't have even peeked at the score yet until I've already posted it.) *Panthers-Browns: Panthers *Chargers-Bills: Bills *Jets-Lions: Lions *Seahawks-Commanders: Seahawks *Chiefs-Dolphins: Chiefs *Titans-Giants: Giants *Patriots-Jaguars: Jaguars *Texans-Colts: Colts *Bengals-Steelers: Steelers (My mind says Bengals so much, but I don't know if I'm raising my hopes too high just yet.) *Cardinals-49ers: 49ers *Vikings-Buccaneers: Vikings *Ravens-Cowboys (Rio): Cowboys *Raiders-Saints: Saints *Rams-Broncos (SNF): Rams *Eagles-Bears (MNF ABC/ESPN): Eagles (though only in the most frustrating way possible for everyone involved) 2026 NFL Picks so far (Weeks 1-2): 19/32, or 59.4% 2025 NFL Week 3 Picks: 11/16, or 68.8% 2025 NFL Picks - Weeks 1-3: 37/48, or 77.1%
September 25, 2026 at 1:02 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025 NFL Week 18 Picks/Predictions (Regular Season Finale!) #nfl #nflweek17 #week17 #sortasports #sortapicks
*Panthers-Buccaneers (Saturday ABC/ESPN A): Panthers *Seahawks-49ers (Saturday ABC/ESPN B): Seahawks *Packers-Vikings: Vikings *Browns-Bengals: Bengals (Burrow will likely be Myles's 23rd sack and Taylor will keep his job another 3 years fml) *Colts-Texans: Texans *Cowboys-Giants: Cowboys *Saints-Falcons: Falcons *Titans-Jaguars: Jaguars *Chargers-Broncos: Broncos *Chiefs-Raiders: Chiefs *Jets-Bills: Bills *Commanders-Eagles: Eagles *Dolphins-Patriots: Patriots *Cardinals-Rams: Rams *Lions-Bears: Bears *Ravens-Steelers (SNF): Ravens On the doorstep to immunity (12/14 in already): Buccaneers, Panthers, Ravens, and Steelers On the chopping block (16/18 out already): Buccaneers, Panthers, Ravens, and Steelers 2025 Picks so far (Weeks 1-17): 170.5/256, or a fittingly cursed 66.6% 2024 Week 18 Picks: 10/16, or 62.5%
January 3, 2026 at 6:33 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 2 Recap
#nfl #nflpicks #nflrecap #nflweek2 #week2 #sortapicks #sortasports #sortapicksiii #sortapicks3
Recap: No more quotes because I can already tell that would be a nightmare to keep up every week 😭 *Lions-Bills (✅): The first clump of Bills Mafia to ever take in a game at New Highmark got to see a lot of touchdowns thanks to these two increasingly concerning secondaries, although at least Josh Allen did a good job distracting from Buffalo's concerns on that end. *Eagles-Titans (✅): It's official. The Eagles are the new Steelers of the NFC, at least in terms of getting wins off splash plays in spite of themselves. *Vikings-Bears (⛔): As brutal a Week 2 loss as I can remember on every conceivable level. The start to one of the worst weeks for QB injuries in recent memory. *Panthers-Falcons (✅): Even prime Matty Ice would have had a tough time pulling a game like this out with Bryce Young randomly owning the Falcons like Aaron Rodgers owning the Bears. But the dire duo of Cooper Rush and Jack Strand? Yeah, no shot. *Packers-Jets (✅): The Jets were so, so close to exposing the Packers even more in the Ex-Rodgers Bowl. But, you know, Aaron Glenn, so that just couldn't pan out. *Steelers-Patriots (✅): I'll give the Jets this though. At least Rodgers' other Celtics Shaq team ain't looking much better. *Saints-Ravens (⛔): Truly a crossover for the ages between the sophomore surge of The Shough Show and the potential surprise renewal of That's So Raven. *Bengals-Texans (⛔): Our defense can legit dominate? All while Chase makes some of the most jaw-dropping plays of the year? We're 2-0 and didn't look drunk off our asses doing so? Is this what hope feels like in terms of just being a good football team again instead of either a decade in limbo or a ugly rebuild waiting to happen? (Me be like Pearl: "Amethyst [or my Bengal fan friend], turn into a chair. I need to sit down.") *Browns-Buccaneers (⛔): Imagine sitting through a weather delay longer than the average video essay just to see your already floundering team blow the finish and let Deshaun Washedson have a game-winning touchdown pass to his name in 2026. At that point, I wouldn't blame them for having buyer's remorse on their season tickets. *Jaguars-Broncos (⛔): Jacksonville's first golden opportunity to position themselves as the class of the AFC slipped right through their fingers the moment Bo Nix's rubberband AI kicked in. By no means am I sounding any alarms on them, but this should be a lesson for the Jags. *Raiders-Chargers (⛔): Either the Raiders are secretly good or the Chargers are having the exact type of nightmare implosion I picked damn near every Wild Card loser besides them to have entering the season. *Commanders-Cowboys (✅): An already dire Washington showing turned much worse by yet another demoralizing QB injury. *Seahawks-Cardinals (✅): Arizona tried their best for a half to keep the dream start alive, but even a Darnold-less Seahawks title defense team is a much different beast than a spiraling Chargers team. *Dolphins-49ers (✅): Turns out even this hobbled pack of Niners didn't need much to scoot past these sinking Dolphins. *Colts-Chiefs (✅): The Colts were on the brink of reversing the Chiefs' golden horseshoe, right down to doing the unthinkable and being on the good end of a potentially game-ending highly-discussed call. But then Shane Steichen, apparently deciding his seat just wasn't hot enough, botched that entire set of downs and then settled for a tie that, considering how the QB on the other side of the ball has put together clutch drives in his sleep with a quarter of the time, didn't have a chance in Hell at holding up. A call that, given the circumstances, was both embarrassingly cowardly and bafflingly reckless at the same time. Brilliant. *Giants-Rams (✅): New York took a Dart to the heart almost immediately and never recovered, especially with Davante Adams abruptly choosing to turn back the clock to 2020. 2026 NFL Week 2 Picks: 10/16, or 62.5% (3 games/18.8 points worse than 2025)2026 NFL Picks so far (Weeks 1-2): 19/32, or 59.4% (5 games/15.6 points worse than 2025)
September 24, 2026 at 1:05 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
Honestly, a lot of these make sense to me (also lmao at the alt words above average inflated almost entirely through SortaPicks)
December 3, 2025 at 1:25 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks NFL Week 4 Picks/Predictions #nfl #week4 #sortasports #sortapicks #nflpicks #nflpredictions #picks #nflweek4
*Seahawks-Cardinals (TNF): Seahawks *Vikings-Steelers (Dublin, Ireland): Vikings *Commanders-Falcons: Commanders *Saints-Bills: Bills *Chargers-Giants: Chargers *Titans-Texans: Texans *Browns-Lions: Lions *Panthers-Patriots: Patriots *Eagles-Buccaneers: Eagles *Colts-Rams: Rams *Jaguars-49ers: Jaguars (BATTLE OF MID) *Ravens-Chiefs: Ravens *Bears-Raiders: Bears *Packers-Cowboys (SNF): Packers *Jets-Dolphins (MNF ESPN): Dolphins (inter-divisional primetime Tank Bowl in Week 4 lol) *Bengals-Broncos (MNF ABC): Broncos 2025 Picks so far (Weeks 1-3): 37/48, or 77.1% 2024 Week 4 Picks: 11/16, or 68.8% 2024 Picks up to this point (Weeks 1-4): 39/64, or 60.9%
September 24, 2025 at 8:30 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025 NFL Week 16 Picks #nfl #nflpicks #predictions #week16 #nflweek16 #sortapicks #sortasports
*Rams-Seahawks (TNF): Seahawks (Matt, I kindly ask that you throw the most brutal hospital pass of your storied career to that antisemitic douche Nacua first thing tonight.) *Eagles-Commanders (Saturday A): Eagles *Packers-Bears (Saturday B): Bears *Chargers-Cowboys: Chargers *Buccaneers-Panthers: Panthers *Vikings-Giants: Vikings *Bills-Browns: Bills *Chiefs-Titans: Chiefs (by default, which is really funky to say about the Chiefs lol) *Bengals-Dolphins: Dolphins *Jets-Saints: Saints *Jaguars-Broncos: Broncos (just barely) *Falcons-Cardinals: Falcons *Raiders-Texans: Texans *Steelers-Lions: Lions *Patriots-Ravens (SNF): Patriots *49ers-Colts (MNF ABC/ESPN/Disney+): 49ers On the doorstep to immunity (2/14 in already): 49ers, Bears, Bills, Chargers, Eagles, Jaguars, Packers, Patriots, and Seahawks On the chopping block (13/18 out already): Cowboys and Lions 2025 Picks so far (Weeks 1-15): 149.5/224, or 66.7% 2024 Week 16 Picks: 11/16, or 68.8%
December 19, 2025 at 1:02 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks (slightly late) 2025 NFL Week 6 Picks #nfl #nflpicks #picks #nflweek6 #week6 #sortapicks #sortasports #sports
*Eagles-Giants (TNF): Eagles *Broncos-Jets (London, U.K.): Broncos *Seahawks-Jaguars: Jaguars *Chargers-Dolphins: Chargers *Rams-Ravens: Rams *Cardinals-Colts: Colts *Cowboys-Panthers: Cowboys *Saints-Patriots: Patriots *Browns-Steelers: Steelers *Titans-Raiders: Raiders *49ers-Buccaneers: Buccaneers *Bengals-Packers: Packers *Lions-Chiefs (SNF): Lions *Bills-Falcons (MNF ESPN): Bills *Bears-Commanders (MNF ABC): Commanders 2025 Picks so far (Weeks 1-5): 55.5/78, or 71.2% 2024 Week 6 Picks: 14/14, or 100% (First and still only perfect score in SortaPicks' young history)
October 10, 2025 at 1:52 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 2 Picks
#nflpicks #nflweek1 #week1 #sortapicks #sortapicksiii #sortapicks3 #sortasports
Picks: *Lions-Bills (TNF): Bills *Eagles-Titans: Eagles *Vikings-Bears: Bears *Panthers-Falcons: Panthers *Packers-Jets: Packers *Steelers-Patriots: Patriots *Saints-Texans: Ravens *Bengals-Texans: Texans (We should at least play 'em tough though. Big chance to make a statement.) *Browns-Buccaneers: Buccaneers *Jaguars-Broncos: Jaguars *Raiders-Chargers: Chargers (I think?) *Commanders-Cowboys: Cowboys *Seahawks-Cardinals: Seahawks *Dolphins-49ers: 49ers *Colts-Chiefs (SNF): Chiefs *Giants-Rams (MNF ABC/ESPN): Rams 2026 NFL Picks so far (Week 1): 9/16, or 56.3% 2025 Week 2 Picks: 13/16, or 81.3%
September 18, 2026 at 12:23 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025 NFL Week 18 Recap (2nd Regular Season Finale!)
#nfl #picks #nflpicks #week18 #nflweek18 #sortasports #sortapicks
*Panthers-Buccaneers (❌): I've half-jokingly thought for a while that if Carolina made the dance, they'd be the type of team to either completely flame out in the Wild Card round or make an amazing Cinderella run to the NFC Championship only to lose in gut-wrenching fashion 2017 Jaguars-style. After these last two games, even I'm leaning a lot more on the latter. (Also good on the Buccs for at least sending the great Gene Deckerhoff out on a high note in spite of it being too little, too late.) *Seahawks-49ers (✅): Man, San Fran really could have used that bye week with how they locked down yet another Injury Bowl crown in this game. *Packers-Vikings (✅): I know it's a backup game, but wow, this team just looks all out of energy in every way. Minnesota certainly didn't mind slamming what little momentum they had even more into a brick wall, especially with a chance to somehow salvage a winning record out of such an exhausting season. *Browns-Bengals (❌): Yes, this franchise absolutely deserved to have Myles Garrett break the sack record against them. Yes, it is absolutely in-character to not change a damn thing and basically guarantee we'll have a new top 5 pick to ruin in 2027. *Colts-Texans (✅): Exactly as painful as the end to this Colts season was only ever going to be. *Cowboys-Giants (❌): One of the weirdest 4-win teams in recent memory for sure. *Saints-Falcons (✅): A historic indirect division title match like this was really the only way the NFC South was gonna end. And sure enough, perhaps as a long-delayed apology for killing Carolina's undefeated season hopes a decade ago, Atlanta decided to close out their own farce of a front office and coaching era by gifting the Cardiac Cats II their first division title since that 2015 season. The Meow Mix Sacrifice is complete. *Titans-Jaguars (✅): For the first time frankly all century, you can genuinely say that nobody wants to enter Duval in January. (And meanwhile Cam Ward is now in danger of getting ruined even more by Matt Nagy. Woof.) *Chargers-Broncos (✅): Yeah, I regret to admit that the Trey Lance Sympathizers have not had much to celebrate lately. *Chiefs-Raiders (❌): For the second time in 3 years, the Chiefs ended their season in Vegas. Unlike 2023, instead of an epic Super Bowl victory to confirm a dynasty, it's them ending a 6-win season by allowing the Tank Bowl champion Raiders to beat them with the same type of wacky drive they've won with a million times during a dynasty that could be crumbling beneath them. And meanwhile in what could be a kinda sad ending for two great head coaches, it's Pete Carroll who ends the season with a potentially chewed up Hall of Fame case and likely his career as many Tank Bowl crowns as Super Bowl crowns (would have been one less Tank title if he just, y'know, anray ethay allbay), but at least goes out with an ugly, UGLY win, I guess. *Jets-Bills (✅): The Jets ending their schedule against Mitch Trubisky and still not recording a single interception all year (and in fact getting sliced and diced by him) honestly sounds about right. *Commanders-Eagles (❌): Turning down the chance to host a checked-out Packers team in favor of benching everyone, getting embarrassed by Josh Johnson's potential last gasp, and having to face a team from a historically great NFC West is definitely a Nick Sirianni kind of decision. *Dolphins-Patriots (✅): To waste seasons, you have to waste the season. (EDIT: To earn pink slips, you have to earn the pink slip.) *Cardinals-Rams (✅): The Rams went from pre-Seattle to post-Seattle and right back to pre-Seattle in the 3rd quarter alone against this flaming trainwreck of a franchise, so really, who knows which side of them we'll see in the next few weeks? *Lions-Bears (❌): Funny how the NFC North is just the 2nd division in the last 90 years (or more specifically the last 3 years) to have everyone finish with winning records, and yet not only do all look at least a little fraudulent, but two of them still felt like the season was a disaster. (As a Bengals fan still kinda bitter about 2023, join the club. I've got jackets.) *Ravens-Steelers (❌): Damn, Baltimore literally repeated 2011 in two parts spread across two years. First Marc Andrews becomes the new Lee Evans, and now Tyler Loop becomes the new Billy Cundiff. Some serious soul-searching may be in store for Baltimore (EDIT: Huh, they actually did some soul-cleaning indeed), and meanwhile, the same old bullshit for the Steelers (now reaching literally biblical levels) because the football gods are just plain trolls sometimes. The 17th and 18th teams voted out and the final ones to miss the 2025 NFL Playoffs: Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Baltimore Ravens. The tribe has spoken. [the final 2 torch snuffings of the regular season, Survivor style] Meanwhile, the 13th and 14th teams to win immunity into and complete the 2025 NFL Playoffs: Carolina Panthers and [insert audible barfing] Pittsburgh Steelers! Come on over! [the final 2 immunity necklaces awarded] 2025 Week 18 Picks: 9/16, or 56.3% 2025 Regular Season Picks: 179.5/272, or 66.0% (4.6 percentage points worse than 2024) 2024 Regular Season Picks: 192/272, or 70.6%
January 8, 2026 at 10:28 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks NFL Week 4 Review #nfl #nflpicks #nflreview #nflweek4 #week4 #sortasports #sortapicks (Yes, I screenshotted on my phobe with a white background this time instead of on a black background on my laptop because my phone's 😐 emoji is that much better than my laptop's lol)
*Seahawks-Cardinals (✅): The Seahawks defense went from untouchable for 55 minutes to swiss cheese for the last 5, Kyler and the Cardinals look even more unsustainable, and I still don't know what to think of this shitshow(/pos?) division going into yet another TNF division showdown. *Vikings-Steelers (❌): Damn, the Vikings really just had to have no O-line and barely much more of a QB at the worst possible time. Even when they had full potential to expose how washed Tomlin is and how bailed out he is by T.J. Watt and Pals. *Commanders-Falcons (❌): Falcons really interested in being one of those gloriously inconsistent teams that ends with a point differential of like +150 and a record of like 8-9, huh? *Saints-Bills (✅): Saints looking to be one of the most entertaining and deceptively competitive Tank Bowl champions ever, I see. *Chargers-Giants (❌): Well that sure felt like a Dart in the back. *Titans-Texans (✅): They ass indeed. *Browns-Lions (✅): Elite teasing by Cleveland early on, at least until Flacco unleashed one last beautifully Elite arm punt before looking at the flowers. *Panthers-Patriots (✅): Drake Maye not be wasted after all! (No doubt about it though, Carolina is going down in flames. Maybe Bryce will pull a Darnold and look good on a real franchise 5 years from now or something.) *Eagles-Buccaneers (✅): Falcons fans must be seething seeing how good the Eagles are at teasing epic chokes just to hold on anyway. *Colts-Rams (✅): Well, Indy tried, but their flaws started showing badly against an actually pretty good Rams team. Now time to see if they learn not to drop the season at the 1 when trying to rebound. *Jaguars-49ers (✅): Jacksonville having a quietly solid start to the season while also toying with Purdy wasn't on my bingo card for the first month, but okay! *Ravens-Chiefs (❌): Goddamn it, they may be back. That or the Ravens are like actual trash even putting aside Lamar going down? *Bears-Raiders (✅): I really have no idea if the Bears are onto something or just coasting by on mid teams. Raiders certainly getting more antsy in their gum-chewing though. *Packers-Cowboys (😐): Welp, the Micah revenge tour quickly gave way to a beautiful mess of awful defense and blocked PAT pick-twos, and ultimately, despite the Packers' best efforts in being more indecisive than me not knowing what snack to have at 1 am, one of the best games of the year ended with a tie due to the NFL not thinking through its new OT rules with the time limit. (Hopefully the new tie emoji is good, although it honestly looks way lamer on my laptop than my phone.) *Jets-Dolphins (✅): When you make the Dolphins look so solid against you and waste Garrett Wilson like that, you really know you're cooked. (Also I really wouldn't recommend seeing that ugly Tyreek Hill injury unless you have a strong stomach. All I can say is that at least now Tyreek probably knows how he's made his exes and kids feel.) *Bengals-Broncos (✅): Well, guess it was about time the universe course-corrected and my spoiled ass got to know how a classic Bungles season felt. 2025 Week 4 Picks: 11.5/16, or 71.9% (+3.1% from Week 4 of 2024) 2025 Picks so far (Weeks 1-4): 50.5/64, or 78.9% (+18% from Weeks 1-4 of 2024)
October 1, 2025 at 3:54 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025 NFL Week 16 Recap #sortasports #sortapicks #week16 #nflweek16 #nfl #recap #picks #nflpicks #nflrecap
*Rams-Seahawks (✅): The second time on TNF this year that the Seahawks literally discover a brand new (rule change-induced) way to win an NFL game against a division rival. This time, the first ever walk-off 2-point conversion (I think). And wow, what a way to come from behind and go from looking like frauds to at least on the cusp of the top seed. (And hey, Nacua didn't go for any hospital passes that night, but at least he showed even more dumbassery after the game that thankfully didn't involve any more anti-Semitism!) *Eagles-Commanders (✅): Congrats, Philly. You've won the division basically by default against the underbelly of the league. Now prove that it wasn't just feasting off basement dwellers, or else you're gonna be in for a rude awakening in a couple of weeks. *Packers-Bears (✅): It's crazy how this is literally not too far from how Green Bay used to win against Chicago just a few years ago. But these aren't those Bears, and while we can't quite know if the Bears are for real, it sure feels easier to assume who's anything but now. (Also I think it's officially time for this country to stop sleeping on Kevin Burkhardt.) *Chargers-Cowboys (✅): Again, nice little run you had there, Dallas, but it wasn't gonna last against teams like the Chargers. *Buccaneers-Panthers (✅): Honestly, even if they cock up the momentum and miss the dance, I really hope this Panthers team is immortalized as one of the defining teams of this season in retrospect, if for no other reason than perfectly demonstrating how freaking drunk this year has been. *Vikings-Giants (✅): McCarthy and the Vikings eeking out a run to salvage a .500 record only after any playoff hopes were long set ablaze would be easily one of the funniest potential outcomes of almost any other season, but in this season, I don't know if it'd even hit the podium. *Bills-Browns (✅): I think Twitter probably would have (deservedly) torched itself to the ground if Shedeur happened to have the distinction of being Myles Garret's 23rd sack. *Chiefs-Titans (❌): Wyandotte World: Fallen Kingdom (or alternatively, insert your favorite CaptainSparklez jokes) *Bengals-Dolphins (❌): Yay, we finally had a good convincing win again that means absolutely nothing besides potentially being enough to bail Taylor and Tobin out of well-earned pink slips for yet another year. Yippee. *Jets-Saints (✅): The March to Mendoza continues! *Jaguars-Broncos (❌): I know I'm taking the L on this pick in the end, but frankly, was something like this really a shock for Denver? *Falcons-Cardinals (✅): I'm genuinely starting to wonder if the Cardinals have had more one-score bottlings this year than seasons since ditching Chicago back during the Eisenhower administration where they've provided the NFL much of anything besides mediocrity. *Raiders-Texans (✅): Well, that was certainly concerning for an already shaky Houston offense. *Steelers-Lions (❌): Steeler bullshit remains undefeated for another season, what can I say? Anyway, where's my barf bag? *Patriots-Ravens (✅): Guess Steelers bs is so powerful that even rivals in other games can choke at its will. Like seriously, it's so funny how the modern Ravens are basically just the Falcons in the alternate universe where they won Super Bowl LI by a score of 28-26 after a holding no-call screws the Patriots on the last 2-point try. *49ers-Colts (✅): Beef History: Philip Rivers vs. Philip Rivers's Defenses 14th team voted out: Dallas Cowboys. The tribe has spoken. [1 torch snuffed Survivor-style] Lions, your torch remains alight for at least one more week. 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th teams to win immunity into the 2025 NFL playoffs: Seattle Seahawks, Philadelphia Eagles, Chicago Bears, San Francisco 49ers, New England Patriots, Buffalo Bills, Los Angeles Chargers, and Jacksonville Jaguars! Come on over! (One at a time, though, please. I beg of you.) [8 immunity necklaces awarded] Packers, you'll have to wait at least one more week for immunity. 2025 Week 16 Picks: 12/16, or 75% 2025 Picks so far (Weeks 1-16): 161.5/240, or 67.3%
December 25, 2025 at 4:39 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
Here's my segment for the SortaPicks recap. It's literally just my stream-of-consciousness thoughts to a friend who's frankly endured this shit even longer than I have, but this utter meme of a franchise doesn't deserve an original segment anyway. #bengals #firezactaylor
Pardon the language turnaround, but this franchise is a fucking joke. I finally have enough trust in them to pick them to win a football game this year against one of the worst quarterbacks of the decade and the coach who ran out the clock right after a fake punt, and this is what happens. A defense that would make the worst offenses from 100 years ago running on pure bathtub booze look like the 2007 Patriots on steroids too powerful for Barry Bonds. Joe Burrow needs to wake up, smell the monster, and flee to a franchise that even remotely deserves him. He deserves to do what Stafford did against us and win a Super Bowl on a franchise that isn't a goddamn meme. And if we happen to somehow be good enough to play in that Super Bowl years later, we deserve to lose. We deserve to get fucking diced to pieces at a 1989 Broncos level by the QB we almost destroyed and Mike Brown deserves to get his incompetence rubbed in his face if it's the last game he ever watches from the owner's box too fancy to deserve his crusty, cheap ass. I hate loving this team so much.
October 26, 2025 at 8:45 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 1 Recap (trying out humorously relevant quotes for each intro and just slapped on the first super old quote about bad defense I could find lol)
#nflpicks #sortapicksiii #sortapicks #sortasports #nflrecap #week1 #nflweek1
Recap: "The worst thing that can happen to a good cause is, not to be skillfully attacked, but to be ineptly defended." - Frédéric Bastiat, 1850(?) *Patriots-Seahawks (✅): Drake Maye not know how to handle the Seahawks defense, especially when Drew Locks in (or at least doesn't fuck it up while McDarnold's is suspended due to health concerns). *49ers-Rams (⛔): Guess this wrong pick's on me for expecting a super-acclaimed Super Bowl-winning head coach to understand how jetlag works. Apparently, that's just too much to ask for. *Bears-Panthers (⛔): What looked like an epic shootout for one half became Caleb Williams and company flexing their might on a faulty Panthers defense in the second half. *Buccaneers-Bengals (✅): Don't know whether to feel reluctant hope for Cincy or far more likely alarm bells for Tampa. Either way, certainly glad to just have a not ugly Week 1 win for once. *Saints-Lions (✅): The Dan Campbell Goodtime Hour really was just one 2-point disconnect away from blowing its ratings lead to The Shough Show. *Bills-Texans (⛔): There may be serious questions to ask about both defenses after this, but at least we got to see some slinging *Ravens-Colts (✅): Indiana Jones and the Lost Defense *Browns-Jaguars (✅): After how the late 2010s went, I'm sure Duval is just as glad to pummel Watson into the dirt now as they would have back then, just not for the reasons they would have expected. *Falcons-Steelers (✅): Leftover Steeler devil magic + Falcons Falconing their QB situation = A game I'm glad I didn't get to watch (I was out doing shit Sunday afternoon, so I barely saw any of the 1 pm slate live and am just winging it lol) *Jets-Titans (⛔): I knew Tennessee would still be raw even with a not-atrocious head coach at the helm, but not "getting trashed by Aaron Glenn and Geno Smith's Jets" raw. Woof. *Cardinals-Chargers (⛔): Isn't Other L.A. supposed to wait until at least December to Charger away any hope? Anyway, at least one of the LaFleur's doesn't look like a joke right now. *Dolphins-Vikings (✅): Looks like Cousins is having one more nice moment in the bag-securing Sun before Mendoza assumes control of the ship. *Packers-Vikings (✅): Gotta be the most embarrassing Packers game since the last time Matt LaFireable blew a multi-score lead to a rival that won't let them hear the end of it all year. (Also holy fuck, I hope Kyler's okay. One of the scariest hits I've seen in a while.) *Commanders-Eagles (✅): Yay, you barely beat a mediocre rival off one of the most laughably dumb 2-point conversion calls in a hot minute. I'm just so not-sarcastically convinced in your stability, Philly. *Cowboys-Giants (⛔): You know the Dallas D is in rough shape when they're letting John Harbaugh give the G-Men hope. *Broncos-Chiefs (⛔): Perhaps it's time to revive that running gag from Season 1 of Bo Nix throwing like Bo Peep throwing with her broken arm? Because good god, was that rough. Guess you can't keep a good hated dynasty down for long. 2026 Week 1 Picks: 9/16, or 56.3% (2 games, or 12.5 points, worse than 2025 Week 1)
September 15, 2026 at 7:43 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Last-Minute Playoff Seed Predictions/Rankings/Whatever

#sortapicks #sortapicksiii #sortapicks3 #nflpicks #picks
September 8, 2026 at 8:38 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 1 Picks

#nflpicks #predictions #sortapicks3 #sortspicksiii #sortapicks #week1 #nflweek1
Picks: *NE-SEA (Kickoff): Seahawks *SF-LAR (Melbourne): Rams *CHI-CAR: Panthers *TB-CIN: Bengals (very cautiously though) *NO-DET: Lions *BUF-HOU: Texans *BAL-IND: Ravens *CLE-JAX: Jaguars *ATL-PIT: Steelers (nearly leaned towards Atlanta, but nah, I'm already being overly optimistic just trusting Cincy for one week) *NYJ-TEN: Titans *AZ-LAC: Chargers *MIA-LV: Raiders *GB-MIN: Vikings *WAS-PHI: Eagles *DAL-NYG (SNF): Cowboys *DEN-KC (MNF ABC/ESPN): Broncos 2025 Regular Season Picks: 179.5/272, or 66.0% (4.4 points, or 12.5 games, worse than 2024) 2025 Regular Season + Playoff Picks: 187.5/285 or 65.8% (4.6 points, or 12.5 games, worse than 2024) 2025 Week 1 Picks: 11/16, or 68.8%
September 8, 2026 at 8:50 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
I really, really, really hope ID restriction bs doesn't boot me off Bsky, but if it does, then here's my Tumblr for the 5 people who care. It'll still have SortaPicks and my geeking out on Kirby (plus whatever secondary fandom I'm into at the moment) and all that jazz
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SortaNonymous
18 (still don't like creeps); he/him (straight and cis as a line and white as a ghost); at least a...
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July 1, 2026 at 2:23 AM
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SortaSports: SortaPicks' (late) 2025/26 NFL Super Bowl LX Recap (SortaPicks II Finale)
#nfl #nflrecap #recap #superbowl #superbowllx #superbowl60 #nflplayoffs #playoffs #sblx #sb60 #seahawks #seattleseahawks #sortasports #sortapicks
The winner of Super Bowl LX... [Jeff Probst (pretend it's me with my Headcanon Taranza pfp) revealing the Seattle Seahawks as the newest pro football champs] (Cue the Patriots' torch getting snuffed like the 30 before it in the background. Also sorry I couldn't find a transparent wordmark PNG, but credit to SportsLogos.net for their logos.) *Seahawks-Patriots (✅): (First off, definitely the plan to wait until 12 days later to finish this for Seattle. I'm totally not just pure garbage at finishing these Super Bowl recaps in remotely timely fashion as I immediately shift into NASCAR mode! How could you possibly assume that?) Even as someone more tolerant of tense, defensive affairs than many, this was definitely one of the more forgettable Super Bowls in recent memory. But regardless, it was very clear who was ready for the moment and who wasn't. Darnold may not have been Warner on the big stage, but he was also fortunately far from Gannon. He made some nice plays in a few tough spots and overall did what he had to do to complete his redemption arc for the ages (and also in the process make Queens and Minneapolis both want to collectively vomit). Kenneth Walker also had a really solid night, although honestly, he kinda joins the Edelman and 2020 Brady category of guys who mostly won SB MVP because they can't just make it an 11-way tie, because holy hell, was that defense terrific. The Dark Side absolutely consumed New England's hopes all night long in ways that probably gave Foxborough some really rough flashbacks to 1985. That already pretty rough Pats O-line didn't just have absolutely no answers, they didn't even seem to be in the right class. And Drake Maye didn't exactly do much in this Mayeday situation to beat those soft-schedule allegations, although honestly, there's only so much you can blame him with how much he was getting pummeled. (Considering what ball security and distance he showed, maybe the Patriots should have rushed to sign Bad Bunny right before the second half. Fantastic show btw, and I don't even know Spanish.) Maye tried to make it interesting again in the 4th, but that defense wasn't letting off the gas, with Uchenna Nwosu joining the likes of Willie Brown, Derrick Brooks, and Tracy Porter in icing a Super Bowl with a pick-six (as all Super Bowls should end if they can't be close, in my humble opinion). 11 years after the Pats ripped the heart out of Seattle with their own pick that doomed the Legion of Boom, there was perhaps no better way for the Dark Side to officially confirm their revenge and exorcise over a decade of Emerald City demons. (Also big shoutout to stellar special teams nights from Michael Dickson and especially Jason Myers, who may have legitimately come closer than damn near any kicker ever to having a real case for Super Bowl MVP.) Mike Vrabel and company definitely have plenty to be proud of with this season and should have a lot to look forward to (although since it's the Patriots, I wish them luck in getting painted as the next great Cinderella run like it's 2001 again lol), but the Seattle Seahawks more than earned their 2nd championship in their 50th season. 12 years later, the 12s lit up the Emerald City night once again. Before I sign off for the next (roughly) 200/201 days (depending on how that whole Melbourne Week 1 game thing goes), I'd just like to say that even if I still barely get any views on these posts, I still just love making these so much and I really hope that those who have seen these have enjoyed my second season of SortaPicks (and first with a name). Of the four seasons I've watched the NFL, this one had to be my favorite with just how unpredictable and dramatic it was (even if it meant my actual picks weren't so good), not to mention one of the most all-around thrilling postseasons the league has seen in years (other than a pretty underwhelming finale, obviously). As much as I love NASCAR and all the other sports, I'm still gonna be missing the absurdity of the current NFL and especially making these picks the next 6 months. (Please don't blow it, UFL and rogue-less, soon-to-be-neutered CFL.) But until then, I'm Sorta and I'm sorry you had to read this. Take care of yourselves. Super Bowl LX Pick: 1/1, or 100% 2025/26 Final NFL Picks: 187.5/285 or 65.8% (4.4 points, or 12.5 games, worse than 2024/25) 2025 NFL Regular Season Picks: 179.5/272, or 66.0% (4.6 points, or 12.5 games, worse than 2024) 2025/26 NFL Playoffs Picks: 8/13, or 61.5% (exactly the same as 2024/25)
February 20, 2026 at 11:52 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025/26 NFL Super Bowl LX Pick
#nfl #nflplayoffs #playoffs #superbowllx #superbowl #superbowl60
*Super Bowl LX (N1 SEA v. A2 NE): For the 60th Super Bowl, we have a rematch of one of the all-time classics, although these two teams are very different from what they were 11 years ago. In one corner, the Seattle Seahawks, who after years of struggling to remain a true contender since the pick to end all picks, have finally found their groove again. Mike Macdonald has done a spectacular job coaching what was a decent, but unspectacular team a few years ago into something so much more, although their recent gains in talent definitely help. An explosive set of offensive weapons, an amazing defense with the "Dark Side" (it's no Legion of Boom name-wise, but they certainly play good enough to warrant the comparisons), and of course the remarkable story of Sam Darnold. From just another Jets bust seeing ghosts to making defenses see ghosts all year long (well, other than the Rams for a bit, but boy, did he figure things out against them once the time came). He's not the first QB to have a remarkable run from the bottom to the Super Bowl, but now it's a question of if he'll soar to the occasion like Kurt Warner or crumble under the brightest lights like Rich Gannon. To complete this rapid climb to the top, this new generation of Seahawks will have to avenge the loss that doomed the last great generation of Seahawks by stopping the New England Patriots. Drake Maye have needed some help in 2024, but there's no "Maye" about this: everything this team needed to turn around went right in 2025. Mike Vrabel, free from the shackles of the inept Adams family (no, not that one much to Nashville's chagrin), has returned home and brought this team every bit of spark they could have asked for and so much more. Drake Maye came just a stray (honestly kinda understandable) Herbert vote away from winning MVP in a spectacular season. That said, it was against a historically easy schedule, and against 3 outstanding defenses, while he's made the plays when he's had to, it's been a much bigger struggle in the playoffs. Yet that's only opened up the opportunity for this defense to turn everyone's heads, as they've played absolutely lights out through 3 games. In fact, I feel like that defense alone should be enough to make this potentially an interesting game, despite Seattle understandably being the favorite. (Not exactly unheard of for a rebuilt New England team with a gritty defense to give an NFC West team an unexpectedly hard time.) At the same time, though, this Seahawks offense is clearly the best they'll face all postseason, and it should definitely be their toughest test. Combined with the Dark Side being quite hungry against an offense that hasn't been very pretty even in victory lately, while I definitely see New England putting up a good fight, I think in the end, the 12s will return home with a 12-year drought snapped. I pick the Seattle Seahawks to exorcise over a decade of demons and end their first half-century with a bang by bringing the Emerald City its 2nd Lombardi Trophy. 2025/26 NFL Picks so far (up to Conference Championships): 186.5/284, or 65.7% (4.7 points worse than 2024/25) 2024/25 Super Bowl LIX Pick: 0/1, or 0% 2024/25 Final NFL Picks: 200/285, or 70.2%
February 8, 2026 at 11:08 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025/26 NFL Conference Championship Round Recap
#nfl #nflrecap #nflplayoffs #playoffs #conferencechampionship #superbowl #superbowllx #superbowl60 #patriots #seahawks #sortasports #sortapicks
*Patriots-Broncos (❌): Well, Stidham tried his best. For like a quarter. But while Denver has plenty of reason to wonder "what if" over Nix's injury (or for that matter Sean Payton's idiocy on 4th down in the 1st quarter), I don't know if even 2013 Peyton Manning (definitely not 2015 Peyton) could have gotten Denver very far downfield in the 2nd half with that absolute blizzard (god bless the domeless stadiums/gen), as well as the Patriots defense. Boy, have we all slept on that New England defense for too long and the carrying they've had to do. Drake Maye has gotten rocked all postseason (although he at least made some huge plays on his feet), but the Pats defense has still been terrific enough to allow New England to secure a record-extending 12th Super Bowl berth. (For any of my fellow pre-Super Bowl pedantics, this is their 13th championship appearance when counting that 1963 AFL Championship shitshow to San Diego of all teams that made their humiliating Super Bowl XX cameo almost look like a nail-biter. Almost.) And goddamn, do I feel lucky to have not given a shit about football yet in the 2010s or I would be all-in on joining the salt bath lol. (I may be miserable over my team right now, but to flex about how we peaked 4 years ago, I'm just saying, Who else Dey think gonna win the AFC since prime Pokémon Go besides New England and Kansas City?) *Rams-Seahawks (✅): Few rivalries have had years as great recently as Rams-Seahawks in 2025. After two thrillers in the regular season, their rubber match lived up to the hype. It looked like a huge start for Seattle, but once the Rams locked in, we were in for a thriller. Stafford did all he could to keep Los Angeles's title hopes alive, but not only did the Rams' special teams continue to implode, but Sam Darnold showed his comeback in Week 16 wasn't a fluke and finally figured the Rams up. After playing catch-up all night, Stafford almost put the Rams over the top, but just couldn't thread the needle, and the zombie finally went down. The Rams showed their gutsiness even more than usual this entire season, but ultimately, it's the NFC's most complete team this year winning the Lamar Hunt Trophy, and the 12s are now hoping to end a 12-year title drought. And meanwhile Vikings and Jets fans can yet again have plenty to talk about while drowning out their suburbs over Sam Darnold going from yet another Jets bust to worth dumping for Mr. 9 to being a Super Bowl QB. The football gods really are cruel bastards, huh. 29th and 30th teams voted out and the final 2 members of our jury: Denver Broncos and Los Angeles Rams. The tribe has spoken. [2 more playoff torches and final 2 jury seats taken, Survivor-style] Congratulations, Patriots and Seahawks. You've gone as far as you can in this game. The power now shifts not to the jury of 12 you partially contributed to voting out (they're just there to squirm lol), but to your own skills. Two weeks from now, one more torch will be snuffed and one of you will join immortality. See you in Santa Clara. [Patriots and Seahawks sitting ready to play in their own Final Tribal Council in Santa Clara] 2025/26 NFL Conference Championship Picks: 1/2, or 50% 2025/26 NFL Playoff Picks so far (up to Conference Championships): 7/12, or 58.3% 2025/26 NFL Picks so far (Regular Season + Playoffs): 186.5/284, or 65.7% (4.7 points worse than 2024/25)
February 2, 2026 at 7:32 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025/26 NFL Conference Championship Picks
#nfl #nflplayoffs #playoffs #conferencechampionship #nflconferencechampionship #sortasports #sortapicks
*AFC Championship Game - AFC2 Patriots @ AFC1 Broncos (Sunday at 3:00 pm Eastern on CBS and Paramount+): Bo Nix injuring his ankle literal moments before his first playoff win is an absolute shock, and Jarrett Stidham will have an uphill battle replacing him. But while this Denver defense had some struggles against Buffalo, they still got 4 picks off Josh Allen, and while Drake Maye's done enough to put the points on the board when needed to, this postseason has been far from a walk in the park for Drake Maye, who's now staring down his 3rd terrific defense in a row. As the last 2 weeks have proven though, this New England defense shouldn't be underestimated either. This feels like it will be an absolute defensive slugfest the likes of which we haven't seen this deep into a season in years, but in the end, I feel like the Broncos will do just enough to scrape out their 9th Lamar Hunt Trophy and return to the Super Bowl after a rough decade away for the Mile High Gang. NFC Championship Game - NFC5 Rams @ NFC1 Seahawks (Sunday at 6:30 pm Eastern on Fox): Just the 6th division rivalry conference championship game post-realignment (funnily enough, half of them different NFC West matchups - sorry, Arizona), these feel like two very different teams. The Rams have had to scrape and claw for two straight dramatic road wins where they needed big plays on both sides of the ball to escape alive. Then there's the Seahawks, who after, already being the closest thing to a great team all year, made good use of their bye week by demolishing the 49ers last week (which also has them with the chance to join rare company of defeating multiple division rivals in the same postseason). This looks like Seattle's game to lose on paper, but I really feel like this Rams team, as they often tend to do, won't give up without a fight, especially since they know how to give Sam Darnold a hard time. This very rivalry gave us two of the most dramatic games of the regular season, and it feels fitting that after splitting those games, they'll go blow-for-blow to decide who survives to Santa Clara (funnily enough where one of their other rivals plays) and who will be the final team to come up painfully short of the big dance. In the end, though, I think the Seahawks ultimately gut out their 4th George Halas Trophy and their first Super Bowl berth in 11 years. With that said, best of luck, Darnold. 2025/26 Picks so far (up to Divisional): 185.5/282, or 65.8% 2024 Conference Championship Picks: 1/2, or 50% 2024 Picks (up to Conference Championship): 200/284, or 70.4%
January 25, 2026 at 6:06 AM
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SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025/26 NFL Divisional Round Recap
#nfl #nflplayoffs #playoffs #divisional #nfldivisional #sortasports #sortapicks
*Bills-Broncos (❌): The McDermott era (although shockingly not the Beane era) ended on a very fitting whimper. A game plagued with a perfect storm of super avoidable blunders and depressingly brutal bad breaks that only Buffalo could fall victim to. And in the case of the ultimate Schrödinger's Interception, both of the above at the same time. Fingers can and have been pointed over it (both by fans fuming at the refball and that useless owner seemingly trying to run the Bills and Sabres through the Freaky Friday simulator this year), but this team, despite having a very good shot at moving on, just wasn't clicking enough to overcome the odds. And unfortunately, not even Denver can celebrate their first playoff win in a long decade because Bo Nix's ankle got nixed at literally the 11th hour. So that means we'll have the potential for a Super Bowl between Jarrett Stidham and Sam Darnold, because how the hell else could this season possibly end? *49ers-Seahawks (✅): Respectable effort for San Fran to even get this far, but uhhh yeah, they were never getting out of Seattle in one piece. Rasheed Shaheed channeled his inner Percy Harvin on the opening kickoff and other than a little flicker in the 2nd, that was basically the story of the night. One of the biggest playoff bloodbaths in recent memory as Seattle left practically no remaining doubt that they more than earned this top seed. If this is the Seahawks' standard this postseason, well, somebody better have some body bags ready. *Texans-Patriots (❌): Well, this was a depressing way to reveal that the 2000 Ravens would probably not win a Super Bowl in today's NFL. That defense played its heart out, but this offense is just in shambles, especially with Stroud. I wouldn't go as far as to say he's a lost cause, but between the crappy O-line, the dunce that is Nick Caley, and his stunted development as a whole, it genuinely feels like this organization is at a crossroads with C.J. Stroud, and DeMeco Ryans's increasingly apparent flaws as head coach (from keeping the beyond rattled Stroud in there to punting down by 2 scores with just minutes left in addition to the lackluster accountability for a couple years now) aren't helping. The Patriots didn't even need to do much here, and while the Texans now drop to 0-7 in Divisional history and remain the only team without so much as a cameo in the final 4, the Patriots are now back in the AFC Championship Game after a brutal 7-year drought. Long live the underdog. *Rams-Bears (❌): This looked for a moment like yet another Caleb Williams classic. A rollercoaster game culminating in McVay playing it too safe and a 4th-down play that went in seconds from brilliant D-line pressure to one of the greatest miracles in playoff history. But just when the Bears had a golden opportunity to go for the kill, the clock finally struck midnight on Caleb Williams and the Rams barely squeaked it out. It will definitely be interesting seeing how the Bears follow up on this unusual, yet thrilling season, but now the Rams will be returning to the House of Horrors for the ultimate rubber match. 25th, 26th, 27th, and 28th teams voted out and the next 4 members of our jury: Buffalo Bills, San Francisco 49ers, Houston Texans, and Chicago Bears. The tribe has spoken. [4 more playoff torches snuffed Survivor-style, making for 4 more jury seats taken] 2025/26 Divisional Picks: 1/4, or 25% 2025/26 NFL Picks so far (up to Divisional): 185.5/282, or 65.8%
January 25, 2026 at 5:26 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025/26 NFL Divisional Weekend Picks
#nfl #nflpicks #picks #playoffs #nflplayoffs #divisional #nfldivisional #divisionalweekend #divisionalround #sortasports #sortapicks
*AFC6 Bills @ AFC1 Broncos (Saturday at 4:30 pm Eastern on CBS and Paramount+): Weird as this sounds for a matchup between the reigning MVP and the conference's top seed with a top-tier defense, this just strikes me as a pair of teams that sure don't act like they want even a Hunt Trophy, let alone a Lombardi Trophy. Buffalo though at least showed a lot of resilience against the same Jags team that shredded Denver on their own mountain not too long ago, whereas Denver not only has some rust against them, but will have to put a LOT of trust into the arm of Bo Nix, which isn't great when Buffalo's pass defense happens to be a lot better than their rush defense. These are both somewhat cardiac teams in for potentially a rough time in the final four regardless of opponent, but I just get the feeling the Bills will out-clutch the Broncos and return to the AFC Championship Game. *NFC6 49ers @ NFC1 Seahawks (Saturday at 8:00 pm Eastern on Fox): Seattle is in the weird state of feeling like both the clear elite team and also like far from the best top seed in recent years. We obviously know how hot and cold Sam Darnold can be, but with San Fran's already decimated defense getting even more trashed even when they won last week (plus the injury to Kittle, which they definitely can't afford against a defense as good as Seattle's), I feel like despite the Niners' best efforts, the Seahawks will ensure that Super Bowl LX remains a neutral-site affair. *AFC5 Texans @ AFC2 Patriots (Sunday at 3:00 pm Eastern on ABC and ESPN): Two teams who snapped the streak of Wild Card barnburners by both killing it on defense and killing our wills to keep our eyeballs on offense. New England has had plenty to feel confident about this season, but they haven't faced a ton of great tests so far, and this Texans defense is one hell of a test. If anything, what's really complicating this pick for me is the Texans offense. Stroud was pretty sloppy in Pittsburgh last week (although I guess there's a chance that was just Tomlin using his final drops of devil magic), and with Patullo demoted, there's a damn good case to be made for Nick Caley as the worst OC in the league now. (Houston's sign in the offseason: "oc please steal we beg you") But while Houston isn't oozing with playoff experience to the degree of a Buffalo or San Francisco, they've been here two straight years and at least had a shot in both of those Divisional games for a bit, even if things fell apart down the stretch both times. It will be a tall task, but against this upstart Pats team, I think the Texans slug it out and finally make it to Conference Championship Weekend for the first time ever. NFC5 Rams @ NFC2 Bears (Sunday at 6:30 pm Eastern on NBC and Peacock): Had I been making this pick in November, I would have easily picked the high-powered Rams to make quick work of the wacky Bears. But in January, with the Bears hot off another shocking comeback and the Rams' flaws shining enough that they needed their own final drive and wild catch just to squeak past the strange reboot of the Cardiac Cats, these teams feel a lot closer together now than they did before. The Rams will certainly flash their talents at some points, but with their recent iffiness potentially only exacerbated by Stafford's hand injury in Charlotte and both Chicago's own clutch gene and home field advantage, I just get the feeling that the Bears will return to the final four for the first time in a decade and a half. (Please tell me all my swinging for the fences doesn't blow up in my face this week😭) 2025/26 NFL Picks so far (up to Wild Card): 184.5/278, or 66.4% 2024/25 Divisional Round Picks: 3/4, or 75% 2024/25 Picks (up to Divisional): 199/282, or 70.6%
January 17, 2026 at 6:55 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
Forgot to add my own tags to this Wild Card Recap 😭
#sortapicks #sortasports
January 17, 2026 at 6:47 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025/26 NFL Super Wild Card Weekend Recap
#nfl #nflpicks #picks #recap #nflrecap #wildcard #playoffs #nflplayoffs
*Rams-Panthers (✅): Damn, the Panthers really almost had a generational upset right there. They may have had some pretty bad goofs in this game, but the Rams frankly had plenty of their own, especially once Stafford's finger got wrecked around halftime. But he finally locked in at the literal last minute, with some help from Carolina running the patented Prevent (Winning) defense, to set up a spectacular game-winner by Colby Parkinson. A most fascinating season for Carolina, I truly think these Cardiac Cats deserve to be remembered as one of the season's defining teams (if for no other reason because of how freaking drunk this season has been for both them and the league as a whole), it'll be interesting to see how the hell the Panthers proceed from here. But while the Rams still look rather shaky compared to about a month ago, they got their revenge from Week 13 and have a date with a somehow even more cardiac club to be discussed later... as in, like 4 words later. Literally now. *Packers-Bears (✅): Matt LaFleur may have confirmed himself as Matt LaFireable with what was both one of the most remarkable comebacks in Bears history and one of the most disastrous implosions in Packers history (just weeks after you could already say the same about their second meeting of the year). The Packers had the knife to the Bears' throats all first half only to spend all second half somehow stabbing themselves instead. But right alongside the Packers totally flaming out was Caleb Williams coming alive with yet another wild rally to cement Chicago's first playoff win in 15 years. This utter implosion for Green Bay, even with the injuries, should spark some serious questions for the Pack's future, especially with how much their longtime punching bag has earned the right to laugh them out of Soldier Field and all the way across the Chicago River. *Bills-Jaguars (❌): Of course my only wrong pick for who would get the axe happened to be my AFC champion pick lmao (and this is why I still do the playoffs round-by-round for the actual picks count). I expected Jacksonville to go wild over the Bills defense while Allen and Cook did their best against Duval's great unit, but both defenses were frankly equally up-and-down through the day, That meant it ultimately came down to the quarterbacks, and while Trevor Lawrence showed plenty of growth late in this season, it was the seasoned Josh Allen who propelled Buffalo to victory, capping it off with his first ever(?) playoff game-winning drive. Jacksonville has plenty to be optimistic about, but definitely a disappointing ending for Duval in a season that just feels like it could have been so much more. Buffalo meanwhile is in the strange spot of feeling like they're both playing with house money and running out of chances to get to the dance, but I doubt they mind getting at least one more week to make something happen. *49ers-Eagles (✅): Well, would you look at that. The ineptitude of Sirianni and Patullo (not helped by other factors like a fittingly bricked end to A.J. Brown's Steelers-ass diva arc) was this team's undoing in a total meltdown to this ridiculously resilient 49ers squad. Philly's already in search of yet another head coach, and Sirianni's frankly lucky that even Jeffery Lurie seems to not see that he's the Mike McCarthy of the 2020s. We'll have to see if San Fran holds up in Seattle (they don't exactly have the cheeriest playoff memories there), but they can definitely be proud of this victory, especially Purdy getting his revenge for how his first season ended by throwing the dagger. *Chargers-Patriots (✅): Yet again, hard to know what to make of playoff Herbert with yet another beaten-up O-line. But regardless, this was an absolute beating for both offenses, yet similar to New England's last playoff win, it simultaneously felt like a sludgy defensive deadlock and like there was absolutely no shot the L.A. team had to beat them. We'll have to see if Drake Maye can get back into the flow (he better if he wants a good shot at THAT Houston D), but New England has some strong momentum to ride for the first time in a whopping 7 years. (How did they survive?) *Texans-Steelers (✅): Oh cool, the Texans stopped the bullshit. The Pittsburgh defense (and also Nick Caley and Stroud's butterfingers) did all they could to make it tense (ngl I was anxious enough to binge the same Angry Birds Toons season I binged during Texans-Chiefs since the hex worked against K.C. that night lol), but ultimately the Texans defense was just too much to overcome once the Steelers remembered they were the Steelers. (Welcome to Steelerball: where the journey is never worth the destination for fans and the destination is hardly worth the journey for haters.) This era of Steelers playoff football is officially stooping to Marvin Lewis levels, and now even Tomlin has decided enough is enough and the Steelers will have to gamble on just their 4th coaching search since the Moon landing. (At least Tomlin seems to be doing the smart thing of going to TV instead of pulling a Harbaugh and going to a sputtering franchise to risk spending 18 weeks throwing his Canton bust into a knocked-down trash can.) As for Houston, they've already set one first with their first road playoff win, but now the real challenge of finally getting to the final four awaits. 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd, and 24th teams voted out and the first 6 members of our jury (that means nothing, it's just adding to the Survivor homage lol): Carolina Panthers, Green Bay Packers, Jacksonville Jaguars, Philadelphia Eagles, Los Angeles Chargers, and Pittsburgh Steelers. [6 torches snuffed and 6 jury seats booked] 2025/26 NFL Wild Card Picks: 5/6, or 83.3% 2025/26 NFL Picks so far (up to Wild Card): 184.5/278, or 66.4% (0.4 percentage points better than last week and 4.1 percentage points worse than last year)
January 17, 2026 at 5:20 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaSports: SortaPicks 2025-26 NFL Super Wild Card Weekend Picks (+ Playoff Bracket)
#nfl #nflplayoffs #playoffs #wildcard #nflwildcard #wildcardweekend #sortapicks #sortasports
SortaSports 2025-26 NFL Playoff Bracket: Wild Card Round: Patriots beat Chargers, Jaguars beat Bills, Texans beat Steelers, Bears beat Packers, 49ers beat Eagles, and Rams beat Panthers Divisional Round: Texans beat Broncos, Jaguars beat Patriots, Seahawks beat 49ers, and Rams beat Bears Conference Championship: Jaguars beat Texans for 1st AFC title and Seahawks beat Rams for 4th NFC title (first in 11 years) Super Bowl LX: Seahawks beat Jaguars for 2nd Super Bowl championship (first in 12 years) My "unofficial official" playoff bracket on profootballnetwork.com (To be clear, only my Wild Card picks this week count for my season-long total, just to avoid certain matchups not happening later.) *NFC5 Rams @ NFC4 Panthers (Saturday at 4:30 pm Eastern on Fox): Look, I'd love to see Carolina pull a 2010 Seahawks and parlay their fluky playoff berth into a remarkable upset, and I'd probably be more tempted to shoot for the upset if they showed any momentum at all lately against anyone besides the imploding Buccaneers. But like, they literally needed a duel between two long-dead teams and a three-way tiebreaker just to make it here, and while Los Angeles doesn't look quite as mighty as they did a month ago (and also lost in Charlotte not too long ago), the Rams definitely look ready to make up for all that and get another strong run going. (Although at the very least, stranger upsets have happened. Maybe.) *NFC7 Packers @ NFC2 Bears (Saturday at 8:00 pm Eastern on Amazon Prime Video and Twitch): This is a strange pairing because both of these teams haven't exactly saved their best stuff for the finish. Chicago has played two more close, clutch games these last two weeks, but ultimately fell short, with different sides of the ball ultimately folding in the end. But they look red-hot compared to the Packers, who have been a shell of themselves recently in every way. A slugfest wouldn't shock me, but I definitely see the Bears winning the rubber match and moving on for the first time in 15 years. *AFC6 Bills @ AFC3 Jaguars (Sunday at 1:00 pm Eastern on CBS and Paramount+): It's just so Buffalo for Allen's Bills to be at their most underwhelming at the exact moment that they finally no longer have Mahomes, Lamar, or Burrow in their way. Allen and James Cook will try their damnest, but with how much more well-rounded Jacksonville is (especially defensively), I see the Jaguars coming out on top to end Buffalo's season yet again. *NFC6 49ers @ NFC3 Eagles (Sunday at 4:30 pm Eastern on Fox): As odd as this may sound, this has all the makings of one ugly game. In one corner, an uber-talented team that just so happens to have so much of that talent injured that they probably can't even fit them all on either the sidelines or the press boxes anymore. In the other corner, an uber-talented team with a terrific defense and an offense being put through a wood chipper by two of the biggest hacks to ever have so much power over a defending Super Bowl champion. San Fran certainly had it rough last week, but with how frail Philly looks, the 49ers look ready to chase the dysfunctional Eagles into the tunnel and at least one of their embarrassing coaches into the severance line. *AFC7 Chargers @ AFC2 Patriots (Sunday at 8:00 pm Eastern on NBC and Peacock): There are bigger underdogs and the Chargers on paper look like they have the talent to at least do some damage, but they've just been too shaken up and had too many O-line issues to give me much confidence. And while their rather soft schedule should give some more people pause for later rounds, I think the Patriots coast past the Chargers (never heard of that one before) to get their first non-Brady/Belichick playoff win since the N64 years. *AFC5 Texans @ AFC4 Steelers (Monday at 8:00 pm Eastern on ABC and ESPN): Please stop the bullshit, Texans. Please stop the bullshit, Texans. Please stop the bullshit, Texans. 2025 Regular Season Picks: 179.5/272, or 66.0% 2024 Wild Card Round Picks: 4/6, or 66.7% 2024 Picks (up to Wild Card): 196/278, or 70.5%
January 9, 2026 at 1:19 AM