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SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 3 Picks
#nflpicks #week3 #nflweek3 #sortapicks #sortasports #sortapicksiii #sortapicks3
Picks: *Falcons-Packers (TNF): Packers (Okay, I'm like 40 minutes late, but I literally won't have even peeked at the score yet until I've already posted it.) *Panthers-Browns: Panthers *Chargers-Bills: Bills *Jets-Lions: Lions *Seahawks-Commanders: Seahawks *Chiefs-Dolphins: Chiefs *Titans-Giants: Giants *Patriots-Jaguars: Jaguars *Texans-Colts: Colts *Bengals-Steelers: Steelers (My mind says Bengals so much, but I don't know if I'm raising my hopes too high just yet.) *Cardinals-49ers: 49ers *Vikings-Buccaneers: Vikings *Ravens-Cowboys (Rio): Cowboys *Raiders-Saints: Saints *Rams-Broncos (SNF): Rams *Eagles-Bears (MNF ABC/ESPN): Eagles (though only in the most frustrating way possible for everyone involved) 2026 NFL Picks so far (Weeks 1-2): 19/32, or 59.4% 2025 NFL Week 3 Picks: 11/16, or 68.8% 2025 NFL Picks - Weeks 1-3: 37/48, or 77.1%
September 25, 2026 at 1:02 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 2 Recap
#nfl #nflpicks #nflrecap #nflweek2 #week2 #sortapicks #sortasports #sortapicksiii #sortapicks3
Recap: No more quotes because I can already tell that would be a nightmare to keep up every week 😭 *Lions-Bills (✅): The first clump of Bills Mafia to ever take in a game at New Highmark got to see a lot of touchdowns thanks to these two increasingly concerning secondaries, although at least Josh Allen did a good job distracting from Buffalo's concerns on that end. *Eagles-Titans (✅): It's official. The Eagles are the new Steelers of the NFC, at least in terms of getting wins off splash plays in spite of themselves. *Vikings-Bears (⛔): As brutal a Week 2 loss as I can remember on every conceivable level. The start to one of the worst weeks for QB injuries in recent memory. *Panthers-Falcons (✅): Even prime Matty Ice would have had a tough time pulling a game like this out with Bryce Young randomly owning the Falcons like Aaron Rodgers owning the Bears. But the dire duo of Cooper Rush and Jack Strand? Yeah, no shot. *Packers-Jets (✅): The Jets were so, so close to exposing the Packers even more in the Ex-Rodgers Bowl. But, you know, Aaron Glenn, so that just couldn't pan out. *Steelers-Patriots (✅): I'll give the Jets this though. At least Rodgers' other Celtics Shaq team ain't looking much better. *Saints-Ravens (⛔): Truly a crossover for the ages between the sophomore surge of The Shough Show and the potential surprise renewal of That's So Raven. *Bengals-Texans (⛔): Our defense can legit dominate? All while Chase makes some of the most jaw-dropping plays of the year? We're 2-0 and didn't look drunk off our asses doing so? Is this what hope feels like in terms of just being a good football team again instead of either a decade in limbo or a ugly rebuild waiting to happen? (Me be like Pearl: "Amethyst [or my Bengal fan friend], turn into a chair. I need to sit down.") *Browns-Buccaneers (⛔): Imagine sitting through a weather delay longer than the average video essay just to see your already floundering team blow the finish and let Deshaun Washedson have a game-winning touchdown pass to his name in 2026. At that point, I wouldn't blame them for having buyer's remorse on their season tickets. *Jaguars-Broncos (⛔): Jacksonville's first golden opportunity to position themselves as the class of the AFC slipped right through their fingers the moment Bo Nix's rubberband AI kicked in. By no means am I sounding any alarms on them, but this should be a lesson for the Jags. *Raiders-Chargers (⛔): Either the Raiders are secretly good or the Chargers are having the exact type of nightmare implosion I picked damn near every Wild Card loser besides them to have entering the season. *Commanders-Cowboys (✅): An already dire Washington showing turned much worse by yet another demoralizing QB injury. *Seahawks-Cardinals (✅): Arizona tried their best for a half to keep the dream start alive, but even a Darnold-less Seahawks title defense team is a much different beast than a spiraling Chargers team. *Dolphins-49ers (✅): Turns out even this hobbled pack of Niners didn't need much to scoot past these sinking Dolphins. *Colts-Chiefs (✅): The Colts were on the brink of reversing the Chiefs' golden horseshoe, right down to doing the unthinkable and being on the good end of a potentially game-ending highly-discussed call. But then Shane Steichen, apparently deciding his seat just wasn't hot enough, botched that entire set of downs and then settled for a tie that, considering how the QB on the other side of the ball has put together clutch drives in his sleep with a quarter of the time, didn't have a chance in Hell at holding up. A call that, given the circumstances, was both embarrassingly cowardly and bafflingly reckless at the same time. Brilliant. *Giants-Rams (✅): New York took a Dart to the heart almost immediately and never recovered, especially with Davante Adams abruptly choosing to turn back the clock to 2020. 2026 NFL Week 2 Picks: 10/16, or 62.5% (3 games/18.8 points worse than 2025)2026 NFL Picks so far (Weeks 1-2): 19/32, or 59.4% (5 games/15.6 points worse than 2025)
September 24, 2026 at 1:05 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 2 Picks
#nflpicks #nflweek1 #week1 #sortapicks #sortapicksiii #sortapicks3 #sortasports
Picks: *Lions-Bills (TNF): Bills *Eagles-Titans: Eagles *Vikings-Bears: Bears *Panthers-Falcons: Panthers *Packers-Jets: Packers *Steelers-Patriots: Patriots *Saints-Texans: Ravens *Bengals-Texans: Texans (We should at least play 'em tough though. Big chance to make a statement.) *Browns-Buccaneers: Buccaneers *Jaguars-Broncos: Jaguars *Raiders-Chargers: Chargers (I think?) *Commanders-Cowboys: Cowboys *Seahawks-Cardinals: Seahawks *Dolphins-49ers: 49ers *Colts-Chiefs (SNF): Chiefs *Giants-Rams (MNF ABC/ESPN): Rams 2026 NFL Picks so far (Week 1): 9/16, or 56.3% 2025 Week 2 Picks: 13/16, or 81.3%
September 18, 2026 at 12:23 AM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Last-Minute Playoff Seed Predictions/Rankings/Whatever

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September 8, 2026 at 8:38 PM
sortanonymous.bsky.social
SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 1 Recap (trying out humorously relevant quotes for each intro and just slapped on the first super old quote about bad defense I could find lol)
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Recap: "The worst thing that can happen to a good cause is, not to be skillfully attacked, but to be ineptly defended." - Frédéric Bastiat, 1850(?) *Patriots-Seahawks (✅): Drake Maye not know how to handle the Seahawks defense, especially when Drew Locks in (or at least doesn't fuck it up while McDarnold's is suspended due to health concerns). *49ers-Rams (⛔): Guess this wrong pick's on me for expecting a super-acclaimed Super Bowl-winning head coach to understand how jetlag works. Apparently, that's just too much to ask for. *Bears-Panthers (⛔): What looked like an epic shootout for one half became Caleb Williams and company flexing their might on a faulty Panthers defense in the second half. *Buccaneers-Bengals (✅): Don't know whether to feel reluctant hope for Cincy or far more likely alarm bells for Tampa. Either way, certainly glad to just have a not ugly Week 1 win for once. *Saints-Lions (✅): The Dan Campbell Goodtime Hour really was just one 2-point disconnect away from blowing its ratings lead to The Shough Show. *Bills-Texans (⛔): There may be serious questions to ask about both defenses after this, but at least we got to see some slinging *Ravens-Colts (✅): Indiana Jones and the Lost Defense *Browns-Jaguars (✅): After how the late 2010s went, I'm sure Duval is just as glad to pummel Watson into the dirt now as they would have back then, just not for the reasons they would have expected. *Falcons-Steelers (✅): Leftover Steeler devil magic + Falcons Falconing their QB situation = A game I'm glad I didn't get to watch (I was out doing shit Sunday afternoon, so I barely saw any of the 1 pm slate live and am just winging it lol) *Jets-Titans (⛔): I knew Tennessee would still be raw even with a not-atrocious head coach at the helm, but not "getting trashed by Aaron Glenn and Geno Smith's Jets" raw. Woof. *Cardinals-Chargers (⛔): Isn't Other L.A. supposed to wait until at least December to Charger away any hope? Anyway, at least one of the LaFleur's doesn't look like a joke right now. *Dolphins-Vikings (✅): Looks like Cousins is having one more nice moment in the bag-securing Sun before Mendoza assumes control of the ship. *Packers-Vikings (✅): Gotta be the most embarrassing Packers game since the last time Matt LaFireable blew a multi-score lead to a rival that won't let them hear the end of it all year. (Also holy fuck, I hope Kyler's okay. One of the scariest hits I've seen in a while.) *Commanders-Eagles (✅): Yay, you barely beat a mediocre rival off one of the most laughably dumb 2-point conversion calls in a hot minute. I'm just so not-sarcastically convinced in your stability, Philly. *Cowboys-Giants (⛔): You know the Dallas D is in rough shape when they're letting John Harbaugh give the G-Men hope. *Broncos-Chiefs (⛔): Perhaps it's time to revive that running gag from Season 1 of Bo Nix throwing like Bo Peep throwing with her broken arm? Because good god, was that rough. Guess you can't keep a good hated dynasty down for long. 2026 Week 1 Picks: 9/16, or 56.3% (2 games, or 12.5 points, worse than 2025 Week 1)
September 15, 2026 at 7:43 PM