Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
Platinum 🏳️🌈. 👬. 🐈dad. St-stutterer. I once had a bee stuck in my ear.
Newest: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiic6oiigjs
Tops: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiigc5sscqw
Newest: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiic6oiigjs
Tops: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ibib6zmsccimdaxgb2vxefjw/feed/aaaiigc5sscqw
Pinned
Billhelm
@kaiserbillhelm.bsky.social
· Dec 15
Everytime I tune into current events I google how much a lobotomy costs
Reposted by Billhelm
the folds in my chef hat represent the 100 different ways i can open a can of la croix
September 20, 2026 at 1:45 PM
the folds in my chef hat represent the 100 different ways i can open a can of la croix
Reposted by Billhelm
a broken clock is right t̶w̶i̶c̶e̶ ̵a̶ ̵d̶a̶y̶.
time is a hallucination. don't be ignorant.
time is a hallucination. don't be ignorant.
September 19, 2026 at 1:23 AM
a broken clock is right t̶w̶i̶c̶e̶ ̵a̶ ̵d̶a̶y̶.
time is a hallucination. don't be ignorant.
time is a hallucination. don't be ignorant.
Old: this meeting could have been an email
New: this phone call could have been a teams chat
New: this phone call could have been a teams chat
September 18, 2026 at 2:31 PM
Old: this meeting could have been an email
New: this phone call could have been a teams chat
New: this phone call could have been a teams chat
Reposted by Billhelm
hang tight I feel a shitpost coming on
September 17, 2026 at 9:15 PM
hang tight I feel a shitpost coming on
Reposted by Billhelm
so far gone my straight jacket is varsity
September 17, 2026 at 9:45 AM
so far gone my straight jacket is varsity
Reposted by Billhelm
I may not be the nicest person here, but I’m also not the smartest.
January 8, 2026 at 11:57 PM
I may not be the nicest person here, but I’m also not the smartest.
Reposted by Billhelm
Cracker Barrel is what happens if you let white people run a soul food restaurant.
June 13, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Cracker Barrel is what happens if you let white people run a soul food restaurant.
Reposted by Billhelm
pumpkin spice birth control
September 16, 2026 at 1:44 PM
pumpkin spice birth control
Reposted by Billhelm
*accidentally deletes a viral skeet*
oh no my life’s work
oh no my life’s work
September 15, 2026 at 8:46 PM
*accidentally deletes a viral skeet*
oh no my life’s work
oh no my life’s work
Reposted by Billhelm
what if cain was named willing instead
September 15, 2026 at 3:44 PM
what if cain was named willing instead
Reposted by Billhelm
i once took a break from posting and bluesky still hasn't recovered
September 15, 2026 at 4:20 PM
i once took a break from posting and bluesky still hasn't recovered
Reposted by Billhelm
I can’t believe it’s not butthole
September 14, 2026 at 9:49 PM
I can’t believe it’s not butthole
Reposted by Billhelm
blood type? no, my blood doesn’t do office tasks do you hear yourself
September 14, 2026 at 10:51 PM
blood type? no, my blood doesn’t do office tasks do you hear yourself
Reposted by Billhelm
You have to call them porch geese unless they’re actually from Portugal
September 14, 2026 at 6:24 AM
You have to call them porch geese unless they’re actually from Portugal
Sexbomb: for when you want to make love AND war
September 13, 2026 at 11:15 PM
Sexbomb: for when you want to make love AND war
Reposted by Billhelm
Pickup line:
You’re a real sex bomb. I’d like to ride you like I’m Major Kong in Dr. Strangelove.
You’re a real sex bomb. I’d like to ride you like I’m Major Kong in Dr. Strangelove.
September 13, 2026 at 6:45 PM
Pickup line:
You’re a real sex bomb. I’d like to ride you like I’m Major Kong in Dr. Strangelove.
You’re a real sex bomb. I’d like to ride you like I’m Major Kong in Dr. Strangelove.
Reposted by Billhelm
Hello, my name is Los and today marks the first time I referenced Christmas this year by saying stocking stuffer
September 12, 2026 at 3:16 PM
Hello, my name is Los and today marks the first time I referenced Christmas this year by saying stocking stuffer
I wish I was more popular
[hangs out with people for two hours]
Nevermind
[hangs out with people for two hours]
Nevermind
September 12, 2026 at 4:10 AM
I wish I was more popular
[hangs out with people for two hours]
Nevermind
[hangs out with people for two hours]
Nevermind
Reposted by Billhelm
all I want for halloween is a pumpkin carved to look like gilbert gottfried
September 12, 2026 at 3:00 AM
all I want for halloween is a pumpkin carved to look like gilbert gottfried
Reposted by Billhelm
have your buttholes call my buttholes and we’ll do munch
September 12, 2026 at 3:25 AM
have your buttholes call my buttholes and we’ll do munch
Reposted by Billhelm
gay for you specifically
September 11, 2026 at 11:34 PM
gay for you specifically
Reposted by Billhelm
*high af, staring at a lava lamp* i can’t believe you defeated Pompeii
September 11, 2026 at 2:58 PM
*high af, staring at a lava lamp* i can’t believe you defeated Pompeii
Make a movie scarier:
Project Hail Typhoid Mary
Project Hail Typhoid Mary
Make a movie scarier:
Pet Seminary
Pet Seminary
Make a movie scarier:
Men in Black Speedos
Men in Black Speedos
September 11, 2026 at 3:24 PM
Make a movie scarier:
Project Hail Typhoid Mary
Project Hail Typhoid Mary
iPhone Duo Marie Kondo
🤝
Folding things in half and putting them in the trash when they don’t bring you joy
🤝
Folding things in half and putting them in the trash when they don’t bring you joy
September 10, 2026 at 2:46 PM
iPhone Duo Marie Kondo
🤝
Folding things in half and putting them in the trash when they don’t bring you joy
🤝
Folding things in half and putting them in the trash when they don’t bring you joy