The Cynical Hüldra
@cynicalhuldra.bsky.social
Info on a “need to know” basis. Info requests to be submitted 30 days in advance. Void in the state of Iowa. She/Her. Normalize pronouns
My stupidity: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ai73ozem7pstskkq7zvwmmmc/feed/aaaesylzfzzny
My stupidity: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ai73ozem7pstskkq7zvwmmmc/feed/aaaesylzfzzny
Pinned
The thing is, I deleted my tw*tter 10,000 followers and three years ago, got this Bluesky two years or so ago and have kind of been lost ever since. So if I follow you, I’m just trying to find my jokey little niche.
And I don’t post a lot.
And I don’t post a lot.
Reposted by The Cynical Hüldra
I GET LOGGED OUT. BUT I LOG IN AGAIN
May 19, 2026 at 12:55 AM
I GET LOGGED OUT. BUT I LOG IN AGAIN
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Wife: I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE
Me, Shirtless And Wearing My Old High School Gym Shorts: what’s wrong honey
Me, Shirtless And Wearing My Old High School Gym Shorts: what’s wrong honey
July 23, 2026 at 1:12 AM
Wife: I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE
Me, Shirtless And Wearing My Old High School Gym Shorts: what’s wrong honey
Me, Shirtless And Wearing My Old High School Gym Shorts: what’s wrong honey
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[loud knocking]
“OPEN UP. IT’S THE POLICE!”
Me: Prove it.
“HOW?”
Me: Sing “Roxanne.”
“OPEN UP. IT’S THE POLICE!”
Me: Prove it.
“HOW?”
Me: Sing “Roxanne.”
June 10, 2026 at 12:58 PM
[loud knocking]
“OPEN UP. IT’S THE POLICE!”
Me: Prove it.
“HOW?”
Me: Sing “Roxanne.”
“OPEN UP. IT’S THE POLICE!”
Me: Prove it.
“HOW?”
Me: Sing “Roxanne.”
Reposted by The Cynical Hüldra
If life has taught me anything, it’s that karma isn’t real.
May 25, 2026 at 9:36 PM
If life has taught me anything, it’s that karma isn’t real.
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enjoying my boobs while they’re still hanging around up front before they decide to go off and live in my arm pits
May 25, 2026 at 4:38 PM
enjoying my boobs while they’re still hanging around up front before they decide to go off and live in my arm pits
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every dog in the park that doesn’t run up to me to say hello is a terrorist
May 25, 2026 at 8:05 PM
every dog in the park that doesn’t run up to me to say hello is a terrorist
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Stephen Colbert is a national treasure:
The day after his show was canned after 11 years by CBS to appease a tyrant, he shows up on the Monroe, MI public access channel where he did his first Late Show broadcast in 2015.
The day after his show was canned after 11 years by CBS to appease a tyrant, he shows up on the Monroe, MI public access channel where he did his first Late Show broadcast in 2015.
Only In Monroe --- May 22, 2026
YouTube video by Stephen Colbert
youtu.be
May 23, 2026 at 6:20 AM
Stephen Colbert is a national treasure:
The day after his show was canned after 11 years by CBS to appease a tyrant, he shows up on the Monroe, MI public access channel where he did his first Late Show broadcast in 2015.
The day after his show was canned after 11 years by CBS to appease a tyrant, he shows up on the Monroe, MI public access channel where he did his first Late Show broadcast in 2015.
Reposted by The Cynical Hüldra
Look, all I'm saying is if some bitch wanted to prick my finger so I could sleep uninterrupted for a few years I wouldn't be all that mad about it
May 22, 2026 at 6:03 PM
Look, all I'm saying is if some bitch wanted to prick my finger so I could sleep uninterrupted for a few years I wouldn't be all that mad about it
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I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and think, 'Hey, that one is shaped like an idiot.'
May 17, 2026 at 12:31 PM
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and think, 'Hey, that one is shaped like an idiot.'
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I might do some crazy shit like follow my dreams
May 16, 2026 at 7:45 PM
I might do some crazy shit like follow my dreams
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Things were going poorly, but I was confident I could make it worse.
May 17, 2026 at 12:28 AM
Things were going poorly, but I was confident I could make it worse.
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The world is my oyster and I'm allergic to seafood.
April 8, 2026 at 11:53 PM
The world is my oyster and I'm allergic to seafood.
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So, these "tax refunds” everyone talks about...tell me more. They sound wonderful.
April 16, 2026 at 2:45 AM
So, these "tax refunds” everyone talks about...tell me more. They sound wonderful.
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*adding my name to the lower back transplant list, hoping an annoying 20 year old dies of natural causes soon*
April 24, 2026 at 3:29 AM
*adding my name to the lower back transplant list, hoping an annoying 20 year old dies of natural causes soon*
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Pilot, to passengers: Bit of a...uhhhh...problem on the flight deck...ahhhh...anyone know how much the average woodchuck might be able to...uhhhh...chuck?
Guy who loves tongue twisters: *whispering* It's my time...
Guy who loves tongue twisters: *whispering* It's my time...
April 25, 2026 at 6:25 PM
Pilot, to passengers: Bit of a...uhhhh...problem on the flight deck...ahhhh...anyone know how much the average woodchuck might be able to...uhhhh...chuck?
Guy who loves tongue twisters: *whispering* It's my time...
Guy who loves tongue twisters: *whispering* It's my time...
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sure, everybody hates snake oil — until their snake starts squeaking
December 15, 2024 at 1:04 PM
sure, everybody hates snake oil — until their snake starts squeaking
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interviewer: how are your listening skills?
me: absolutely
me: absolutely
January 15, 2025 at 8:19 PM
interviewer: how are your listening skills?
me: absolutely
me: absolutely
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[date]
her: I’m a chiropractor
me: *under breath* holy shit I thought they were extinct
her: I’m a chiropractor
me: *under breath* holy shit I thought they were extinct
December 5, 2024 at 12:29 PM
[date]
her: I’m a chiropractor
me: *under breath* holy shit I thought they were extinct
her: I’m a chiropractor
me: *under breath* holy shit I thought they were extinct
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there is no greater joy than helping to make a friend’s dream come true
April 26, 2026 at 1:38 PM
there is no greater joy than helping to make a friend’s dream come true
Reposted by The Cynical Hüldra
This day in history. 1564. William Shakespeare was baptized at Stratford-upon-Avon. The damp youngster was heard telling the vicar "Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee, and I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets."
April 26, 2026 at 9:53 AM
This day in history. 1564. William Shakespeare was baptized at Stratford-upon-Avon. The damp youngster was heard telling the vicar "Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee, and I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets."
Reposted by The Cynical Hüldra
General Tzo. Colonel Sanders.
Why must we militarize our chicken this way?
Why must we militarize our chicken this way?
September 22, 2024 at 11:40 AM
General Tzo. Colonel Sanders.
Why must we militarize our chicken this way?
Why must we militarize our chicken this way?
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remember: everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. you are being being excluded from the battle. we think you’re a loser.
April 26, 2026 at 1:23 PM
remember: everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. you are being being excluded from the battle. we think you’re a loser.
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This needs no explanation, said Lieutenant Obvious as he put in for promotion.
June 8, 2025 at 10:17 PM
This needs no explanation, said Lieutenant Obvious as he put in for promotion.
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Hate when my thought bubbles float away in the wrong direction.
April 25, 2026 at 6:37 PM
Hate when my thought bubbles float away in the wrong direction.
Reposted by The Cynical Hüldra
judge: how do you plead?
me: well, I can't speak for the defendant but—
judge: of course you can, you’re his attorney
me: well in that case, he’s clearly guilty as hell!
me: well, I can't speak for the defendant but—
judge: of course you can, you’re his attorney
me: well in that case, he’s clearly guilty as hell!
April 23, 2026 at 1:05 PM
judge: how do you plead?
me: well, I can't speak for the defendant but—
judge: of course you can, you’re his attorney
me: well in that case, he’s clearly guilty as hell!
me: well, I can't speak for the defendant but—
judge: of course you can, you’re his attorney
me: well in that case, he’s clearly guilty as hell!