@mibesu.bsky.social
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Ma'am, didn't mean to snoop, but that song you were singing... well, uh, I was just wondering... ah shit uh [tearing up, swallowing hard] does he make it? The itsty bitsy spider?
July 28, 2026 at 4:16 PM
Ma'am, didn't mean to snoop, but that song you were singing... well, uh, I was just wondering... ah shit uh [tearing up, swallowing hard] does he make it? The itsty bitsy spider?
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Laying down on my back to piss. I wish there was a better way.
April 7, 2025 at 8:39 PM
Laying down on my back to piss. I wish there was a better way.
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genie: you have three wishes
me: can I wish for more wishes?
genie: no
me: I wish I could wish for more wishes
genie: god dammit
me: can I wish for more wishes?
genie: no
me: I wish I could wish for more wishes
genie: god dammit
July 24, 2026 at 4:35 AM
genie: you have three wishes
me: can I wish for more wishes?
genie: no
me: I wish I could wish for more wishes
genie: god dammit
me: can I wish for more wishes?
genie: no
me: I wish I could wish for more wishes
genie: god dammit
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“For crying out loud, I was hibernating! … Don’t you guys ever take a pulse?”
July 17, 2026 at 8:55 PM
“For crying out loud, I was hibernating! … Don’t you guys ever take a pulse?”
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As an academic, I have decided to pre-empt AI taking my job, so I am going to take ITS job!
I am going to start hallucinating, lying to my students, and drinking 700,000 litres of water
I am going to start hallucinating, lying to my students, and drinking 700,000 litres of water
July 13, 2026 at 5:42 PM
As an academic, I have decided to pre-empt AI taking my job, so I am going to take ITS job!
I am going to start hallucinating, lying to my students, and drinking 700,000 litres of water
I am going to start hallucinating, lying to my students, and drinking 700,000 litres of water
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paul mccartney: this is my most personal album yet, i will finally lay bare my feelings about the biggest moments in my life
paul mccartney's album: ba da doo doo do oh yeah
paul mccartney's album: ba da doo doo do oh yeah
May 29, 2026 at 11:57 AM
paul mccartney: this is my most personal album yet, i will finally lay bare my feelings about the biggest moments in my life
paul mccartney's album: ba da doo doo do oh yeah
paul mccartney's album: ba da doo doo do oh yeah
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Astronaut returning from space: you can't believe the things I saw up there
Guy who can't believe it's not butter: buddy, I can't even believe it's not butter
Guy who can't believe it's not butter: buddy, I can't even believe it's not butter
June 2, 2026 at 9:11 PM
Astronaut returning from space: you can't believe the things I saw up there
Guy who can't believe it's not butter: buddy, I can't even believe it's not butter
Guy who can't believe it's not butter: buddy, I can't even believe it's not butter
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I GET LOGGED OUT. BUT I LOG IN AGAIN
May 19, 2026 at 12:55 AM
I GET LOGGED OUT. BUT I LOG IN AGAIN
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Can’t sleep? Simple methods that work:
• study hurricane forecast
• who hates me
• what did i forget
• relive supreme humiliation
• win 12-yr-old argument
• buried alive? could happen
• what i did vs should have done
• dead people i miss
• what if i’m bad
• why do i say stuff
• what’s my fuckin deal
• study hurricane forecast
• who hates me
• what did i forget
• relive supreme humiliation
• win 12-yr-old argument
• buried alive? could happen
• what i did vs should have done
• dead people i miss
• what if i’m bad
• why do i say stuff
• what’s my fuckin deal
June 19, 2026 at 9:51 AM
Can’t sleep? Simple methods that work:
• study hurricane forecast
• who hates me
• what did i forget
• relive supreme humiliation
• win 12-yr-old argument
• buried alive? could happen
• what i did vs should have done
• dead people i miss
• what if i’m bad
• why do i say stuff
• what’s my fuckin deal
• study hurricane forecast
• who hates me
• what did i forget
• relive supreme humiliation
• win 12-yr-old argument
• buried alive? could happen
• what i did vs should have done
• dead people i miss
• what if i’m bad
• why do i say stuff
• what’s my fuckin deal
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“Hey, Norton! … Ain’t that your dog attackin’ the president?”
June 13, 2026 at 12:42 PM
“Hey, Norton! … Ain’t that your dog attackin’ the president?”
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Under 'medical history', we were hoping for something more specific to you personally. You wrote "Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928".
February 7, 2024 at 6:27 PM
Under 'medical history', we were hoping for something more specific to you personally. You wrote "Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928".
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‘Thanks, or just a voucher is fine’
May 7, 2026 at 11:40 AM
‘Thanks, or just a voucher is fine’
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“Worst she can say is no” Bro, she said I look like someone tried to draw President Taft from memory
March 19, 2026 at 12:12 PM
“Worst she can say is no” Bro, she said I look like someone tried to draw President Taft from memory
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you don't see husbands realizing they forgot their anniversary and searching for a gift and seeing the necklace their wife wanted in a window for $50 and pulling out an empty wallet and moths flying out and then seeing a poster that says "BOXING MATCH FIRST PRIZE $50" and saying "hmmm" much anymore
June 6, 2025 at 10:33 PM
you don't see husbands realizing they forgot their anniversary and searching for a gift and seeing the necklace their wife wanted in a window for $50 and pulling out an empty wallet and moths flying out and then seeing a poster that says "BOXING MATCH FIRST PRIZE $50" and saying "hmmm" much anymore
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stupid teeth none of my other bones need this much minty scrubbing
March 17, 2026 at 6:33 AM
stupid teeth none of my other bones need this much minty scrubbing
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Interview with the vampire.
Induction day with the vampire.
Group bonding exercise with the vampire.
Christmas office do with the vampire.
Induction day with the vampire.
Group bonding exercise with the vampire.
Christmas office do with the vampire.
March 25, 2026 at 4:50 PM
Interview with the vampire.
Induction day with the vampire.
Group bonding exercise with the vampire.
Christmas office do with the vampire.
Induction day with the vampire.
Group bonding exercise with the vampire.
Christmas office do with the vampire.
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I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion
December 2, 2024 at 12:45 AM
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion
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*Doctor looking at my X-Rays*
Doctor: Ah, this is exactly what I was afraid of.
Me: Oh my God, what?
Doctor: Skeletons.
Doctor: Ah, this is exactly what I was afraid of.
Me: Oh my God, what?
Doctor: Skeletons.
March 4, 2026 at 9:20 AM
*Doctor looking at my X-Rays*
Doctor: Ah, this is exactly what I was afraid of.
Me: Oh my God, what?
Doctor: Skeletons.
Doctor: Ah, this is exactly what I was afraid of.
Me: Oh my God, what?
Doctor: Skeletons.
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it's not easy breeding deer for gigantism, but that's why I make the big bucks
February 12, 2026 at 8:48 PM
it's not easy breeding deer for gigantism, but that's why I make the big bucks
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PetSmart Introduces Heart-Shaped Puppy For Valentine’s Day https://theonion.com/petsmart-introduces-heart-shaped-puppy-for-valentine-s-1822980373/
February 14, 2026 at 8:00 PM
PetSmart Introduces Heart-Shaped Puppy For Valentine’s Day https://theonion.com/petsmart-introduces-heart-shaped-puppy-for-valentine-s-1822980373/
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How bad does an interview have to be going that you ask them what the skies were like when they were young?
February 14, 2026 at 6:58 PM
How bad does an interview have to be going that you ask them what the skies were like when they were young?
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him (a man of wealth and taste): please allow me to introduce myself.
me (puzzled by the nature of his game): woo woo
me (puzzled by the nature of his game): woo woo
May 6, 2023 at 1:54 AM
him (a man of wealth and taste): please allow me to introduce myself.
me (puzzled by the nature of his game): woo woo
me (puzzled by the nature of his game): woo woo
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can you explain all these gaps on your cv
yes that's to show where one word ends and the next one begins
yes that's to show where one word ends and the next one begins
March 2, 2025 at 11:43 AM
can you explain all these gaps on your cv
yes that's to show where one word ends and the next one begins
yes that's to show where one word ends and the next one begins
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Hi Barbara? Yeah I just saw the posters you put up and no, I have not seen your cat but I'd love to. Is now a good time to come take a look?
February 10, 2026 at 2:46 PM
Hi Barbara? Yeah I just saw the posters you put up and no, I have not seen your cat but I'd love to. Is now a good time to come take a look?
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Ever tried boiled pasta? Not as crunchy but still good
January 26, 2026 at 11:16 AM
Ever tried boiled pasta? Not as crunchy but still good