Translation from Legalese:
Your Honor, we have no idea WTF Elon is doing.
Respectfully,
The United States Department of Justice
Your Honor, we have no idea WTF Elon is doing.
Respectfully,
The United States Department of Justice
BREAKING: DOJ refuses to provide Judge Chutkan with any numbers regarding last Friday's firings. DOJ also refuses to make any commitment regarding what "personnel actions" the seven agencies at issue — OPM, Education, Labor, HHS, Energy, Transportation, Commerce — might take in the next two weeks.
February 18, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Translation from Legalese:
Your Honor, we have no idea WTF Elon is doing.
Respectfully,
The United States Department of Justice
Your Honor, we have no idea WTF Elon is doing.
Respectfully,
The United States Department of Justice
Pardon the legalese.
But absolutely the fuck not.
But absolutely the fuck not.
Tuberville on Trump's third term: "He might be able to go around the Constitution, but that's up to him."
October 28, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Pardon the legalese.
But absolutely the fuck not.
But absolutely the fuck not.
But only white pepper.
August 23, 2026 at 9:08 PM
But only white pepper.
lmao lot of legalese to say the president tweeted out jobs data a day early
White House Official: There was an inadvertent public disclosure of aggregate data that was partially derived from pre-released information.
January 9, 2026 at 7:54 PM
lmao lot of legalese to say the president tweeted out jobs data a day early
Conservative legalese for "you pulled that out of your ass."
from Oldham's dissent; my understanding is these are the harshest possible fighting words within the legal conservative movement
December 11, 2024 at 8:13 PM
Conservative legalese for "you pulled that out of your ass."
“Why do people use corporate therapy legalese to communicate basic feelings now?”
I Have Bad News About That
I Have Bad News About That
July 14, 2025 at 1:32 AM
“Why do people use corporate therapy legalese to communicate basic feelings now?”
I Have Bad News About That
I Have Bad News About That
I have never seen a judge say "fuck right off with this bullshit" in legalese like this
New bench slap just dropped. They are coming at a truly astonishing rate.
storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
October 1, 2025 at 3:11 AM
I have never seen a judge say "fuck right off with this bullshit" in legalese like this
Beautiful legalese for “trump is full of 💩”
May 31, 2026 at 12:19 AM
Beautiful legalese for “trump is full of 💩”
The very polite and legalese way of saying "I see your bullshit and I'm calling it out."
June 20, 2025 at 2:40 PM
The very polite and legalese way of saying "I see your bullshit and I'm calling it out."
Whoa okay ease up on the ambiguous legalese jargon there judge
February 28, 2025 at 12:33 PM
Whoa okay ease up on the ambiguous legalese jargon there judge
this is some of the sassiest legalese I've ever read
March 29, 2026 at 5:43 PM
this is some of the sassiest legalese I've ever read
The Trump administration has quietly released the first stage of its plan to revoke birthright citizenship from the children of immigrants. It uses dry legalese to conceal the barbaric reality of ICE agents in maternity wards and deportation flights for babies. slate.com/news-and-pol...
Trump Just Released His Plan to Revoke Birthright Citizenship. It’s Worse Than Imagined.
Try as it might, the government cannot cover up the horrors with bureaucratic legalese.
slate.com
July 30, 2025 at 9:17 PM
The Trump administration has quietly released the first stage of its plan to revoke birthright citizenship from the children of immigrants. It uses dry legalese to conceal the barbaric reality of ICE agents in maternity wards and deportation flights for babies. slate.com/news-and-pol...
Not today, Satan.
March 2, 2026 at 9:11 PM
Not today, Satan.
fucking people over through absurd bourgeois legalese is the point
August 4, 2025 at 7:38 PM
fucking people over through absurd bourgeois legalese is the point
Do they think writing this stuff down in legalese makes it sound better?
As expected, per DJT - the crash is allegedly Biden’s and Obama’s fault
Just read this memorandum sent out a minute ago
Just read this memorandum sent out a minute ago
January 30, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Do they think writing this stuff down in legalese makes it sound better?
legalese for “this fucking guy”
April 11, 2024 at 1:25 AM
legalese for “this fucking guy”
Love the "threshold of restarting major combat operations." It's a phrase manufactured to sound like legalese applying a rational standard, but it's not. It's made-up to pretend we're not currently in a war that we started (what was the "threshold" for that?) and are losing.
Caine: "Since the ceasefire was announced, Iran has fired at commercial vessels nine times and seized two container ships. They've attacked US forces more than 10 times. All below the threshold of restarting major combat operations at this point."
May 5, 2026 at 1:10 PM
Love the "threshold of restarting major combat operations." It's a phrase manufactured to sound like legalese applying a rational standard, but it's not. It's made-up to pretend we're not currently in a war that we started (what was the "threshold" for that?) and are losing.
boy American legalese is clunky though
July 2, 2025 at 2:23 PM
boy American legalese is clunky though
Legalese for Bite Me
March 26, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Legalese for Bite Me
help I just spent two hours reading legalese but in french and my last brain cell is leaking out my ear
March 30, 2026 at 8:00 PM
help I just spent two hours reading legalese but in french and my last brain cell is leaking out my ear
it’s only four pages and worth reading to see how to write this in legalese
September 19, 2025 at 4:19 PM
it’s only four pages and worth reading to see how to write this in legalese
Kagan did take the legalese equivalent of a flamethrower to Gorsuch.
It was beautiful. I also don’t expect Gorsuch’s sudden desire to uphold the law to continue, but it’s welcome here
It was beautiful. I also don’t expect Gorsuch’s sudden desire to uphold the law to continue, but it’s welcome here
February 21, 2026 at 3:47 PM
Kagan did take the legalese equivalent of a flamethrower to Gorsuch.
It was beautiful. I also don’t expect Gorsuch’s sudden desire to uphold the law to continue, but it’s welcome here
It was beautiful. I also don’t expect Gorsuch’s sudden desire to uphold the law to continue, but it’s welcome here
This is legalese for "Get fucked."
NEW: The Fourth Circuit REJECTS the Trump admin's appeal of Judge Xinis's orders to "facilitate" Kilmar Abrego Garcia's release: "We shall not micromanage the efforts of a fine district judge attempting to implement the Supreme Court's recent decision." storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
April 17, 2025 at 7:10 PM
This is legalese for "Get fucked."
Direct, factual, persuasive, extremely funny, and no legalese in sight. My kind of legal writing.
July 12, 2026 at 12:20 AM
Direct, factual, persuasive, extremely funny, and no legalese in sight. My kind of legal writing.