Please avoid all salads, including word.
July 15, 2026 at 4:35 PM
Please avoid all salads, including word.
At some point very soon, republicans in Congress will have to choose between pleasing Trump to avoid being primaried, and helping their constituents to avoid being primaried.
February 16, 2025 at 2:46 AM
At some point very soon, republicans in Congress will have to choose between pleasing Trump to avoid being primaried, and helping their constituents to avoid being primaried.
I’m here to avoid MAGA trolls as much as possible. I’m not here to avoid the news.
November 27, 2024 at 8:20 PM
I’m here to avoid MAGA trolls as much as possible. I’m not here to avoid the news.
I understand why we shut down American airspace for a few days after 9-11 to avoid a repeat attack but imagine shutting down American airspace to avoid releasing the Epstein files.
November 7, 2025 at 11:03 PM
I understand why we shut down American airspace for a few days after 9-11 to avoid a repeat attack but imagine shutting down American airspace to avoid releasing the Epstein files.
Can the Manhattan Project avoid building the nuclear bomb?
October 20, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Can the Manhattan Project avoid building the nuclear bomb?
When they accidentally tell the truth... (Pt. 2)
(also try to avoid swimming in sewage)
(also try to avoid swimming in sewage)
May 16, 2025 at 8:55 PM
When they accidentally tell the truth... (Pt. 2)
(also try to avoid swimming in sewage)
(also try to avoid swimming in sewage)
They SHUT DOWN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES to avoid releasing the Epstein files.
July 22, 2025 at 8:29 PM
They SHUT DOWN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES to avoid releasing the Epstein files.
I didn’t leave twitter to avoid being exposed to ideas I don’t like, I left it to avoid the people who have those ideas. They’re all stupid, disgusting hogs!
March 17, 2025 at 5:09 AM
I didn’t leave twitter to avoid being exposed to ideas I don’t like, I left it to avoid the people who have those ideas. They’re all stupid, disgusting hogs!
How to avoid paying taxes, billionaires 101.
December 2, 2024 at 2:27 AM
How to avoid paying taxes, billionaires 101.
Get your merch early to avoid the rush.
April 26, 2026 at 1:18 AM
Get your merch early to avoid the rush.
He’s going to take over DC to avoid talking about Epstein.
August 11, 2025 at 12:38 PM
He’s going to take over DC to avoid talking about Epstein.
FYI: real song. I’m sharing a screenshot to avoid spreading this nonsense
May 9, 2025 at 2:13 AM
FYI: real song. I’m sharing a screenshot to avoid spreading this nonsense
We needed to start a war to avoid a war.
March 11, 2026 at 7:16 PM
We needed to start a war to avoid a war.
Note to self: Avoid low hanging branches.
July 13, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Note to self: Avoid low hanging branches.
drink coffee, avoid people, read books and repeat.
January 29, 2025 at 11:55 PM
drink coffee, avoid people, read books and repeat.
The best way to honor fallen soldiers is to avoid careless reasons to create more of them.
May 25, 2026 at 6:15 PM
The best way to honor fallen soldiers is to avoid careless reasons to create more of them.
June 14, 2025 at 4:51 AM
Yes, a normal president would try to avoid bribes.
Trump on accepting a gifted aircraft from Qatar: "I asked the Amir if we could use the brand new 747 that he got ... a normal president wouldn't do this. A normal president wants to stay away from aircraft. But our country has to be represented properly."
June 20, 2026 at 1:07 AM
Yes, a normal president would try to avoid bribes.
Every Ingredient In Recipe Substituted To Avoid Trip To Store
March 19, 2026 at 2:00 PM
Every Ingredient In Recipe Substituted To Avoid Trip To Store
Always avoid windows in Russia
March 3, 2025 at 11:07 PM
Always avoid windows in Russia
U.S. Tourists Advised To Temporarily Avoid Shootouts With Mexican Drug Cartels https://theonion.com/u-s-tourists-advised-to-temporarily-avoid-shootouts-with-mexican-drug-cartels/
February 23, 2026 at 8:00 PM
U.S. Tourists Advised To Temporarily Avoid Shootouts With Mexican Drug Cartels https://theonion.com/u-s-tourists-advised-to-temporarily-avoid-shootouts-with-mexican-drug-cartels/
Good advice, always remember to avoid the bites ends!
January 7, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Good advice, always remember to avoid the bites ends!
Lying about Mitch McConnell’s death to avoid a special election is election fraud.
July 18, 2026 at 11:17 AM
Lying about Mitch McConnell’s death to avoid a special election is election fraud.