Knottsferatu
@grumpa.bsky.social
Army Vet ⚔️🏴☠️🇺🇦
Si vis pacem, para bellum.
"What the hell did I walk into this room for?!?"
🚫No DMs🚫No MAGA🚫No crypto🚫
Si vis pacem, para bellum.
"What the hell did I walk into this room for?!?"
🚫No DMs🚫No MAGA🚫No crypto🚫
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Prescription strength cheesecake
October 8, 2026 at 9:41 PM
Prescription strength cheesecake
Reposted by Knottsferatu
And is this “patronizing jerk” in the room with us now?
October 9, 2026 at 3:47 AM
And is this “patronizing jerk” in the room with us now?
Reposted by Knottsferatu
having to find someone new for childcare after accidentally hiring a hootenanny
October 8, 2026 at 11:45 AM
having to find someone new for childcare after accidentally hiring a hootenanny
Reposted by Knottsferatu
emergency hotdog that heats up when you crack it like a glow stick
October 4, 2026 at 12:26 AM
emergency hotdog that heats up when you crack it like a glow stick
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Me: Here is fresh, filtered water and indirect sunlight.
Plant: I have chosen death.
Weed in the driveway sidewalk crack: I feed on gasoline and spite.
Plant: I have chosen death.
Weed in the driveway sidewalk crack: I feed on gasoline and spite.
October 1, 2026 at 3:01 PM
Me: Here is fresh, filtered water and indirect sunlight.
Plant: I have chosen death.
Weed in the driveway sidewalk crack: I feed on gasoline and spite.
Plant: I have chosen death.
Weed in the driveway sidewalk crack: I feed on gasoline and spite.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
[at a restaurant]
Me: Ah, yes. I’d like some Stilton on oatcake biscuits, with some fig jam on the side, and a nice glass of Port.
Them: Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s.
Me: Oh, silly me! Yes, go ahead and super size it.
Me: Ah, yes. I’d like some Stilton on oatcake biscuits, with some fig jam on the side, and a nice glass of Port.
Them: Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s.
Me: Oh, silly me! Yes, go ahead and super size it.
October 1, 2026 at 12:43 PM
[at a restaurant]
Me: Ah, yes. I’d like some Stilton on oatcake biscuits, with some fig jam on the side, and a nice glass of Port.
Them: Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s.
Me: Oh, silly me! Yes, go ahead and super size it.
Me: Ah, yes. I’d like some Stilton on oatcake biscuits, with some fig jam on the side, and a nice glass of Port.
Them: Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s.
Me: Oh, silly me! Yes, go ahead and super size it.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
new reality show called “dancing on the stars” and the premise is we launch people into the sun
October 1, 2026 at 2:06 PM
new reality show called “dancing on the stars” and the premise is we launch people into the sun
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Apparently it's not appropriate to laugh and shout THAT KID GOT BEACH SLAPPED when you see a child get knocked over by a wave
September 26, 2026 at 2:26 PM
Apparently it's not appropriate to laugh and shout THAT KID GOT BEACH SLAPPED when you see a child get knocked over by a wave
Reposted by Knottsferatu
It's almost candy corn season for those of you that like to eat crayons.
September 27, 2026 at 3:48 PM
It's almost candy corn season for those of you that like to eat crayons.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Me: can we move on and forget about what just happened
My colleague: I only said hi?
Me: please don't bring it up again
My colleague: I only said hi?
Me: please don't bring it up again
September 26, 2026 at 9:37 PM
Me: can we move on and forget about what just happened
My colleague: I only said hi?
Me: please don't bring it up again
My colleague: I only said hi?
Me: please don't bring it up again
Reposted by Knottsferatu
If you see me jogging, please kill whatever is behind me.
September 27, 2026 at 2:29 PM
If you see me jogging, please kill whatever is behind me.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Just watched a documentary on marijuana.
I think that's how I'm gonna watch all documentaries from now on.🤐🤔
I think that's how I'm gonna watch all documentaries from now on.🤐🤔
September 24, 2026 at 2:17 PM
Just watched a documentary on marijuana.
I think that's how I'm gonna watch all documentaries from now on.🤐🤔
I think that's how I'm gonna watch all documentaries from now on.🤐🤔
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Trump addressed the United Nations, continuing his foreign policy doctrine of "Make like a tree and get outta here."
September 24, 2026 at 4:10 AM
Trump addressed the United Nations, continuing his foreign policy doctrine of "Make like a tree and get outta here."
Reposted by Knottsferatu
You can do anything you put your mind to. Alternatively you can do nothing, which is often much easier and more relaxing
September 23, 2026 at 11:37 AM
You can do anything you put your mind to. Alternatively you can do nothing, which is often much easier and more relaxing
Reposted by Knottsferatu
The phrase “do not attempt” really overestimates how much initiative I arrived with.
September 23, 2026 at 3:21 PM
The phrase “do not attempt” really overestimates how much initiative I arrived with.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
WELL THIS CAN’T BE NORMAL- I think as I pee out a second kernel of corn
September 23, 2026 at 4:29 AM
WELL THIS CAN’T BE NORMAL- I think as I pee out a second kernel of corn
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Some people want to be buried when they die. Others want to be cremated. Personally, I think I would like to be brought back to life.
September 22, 2026 at 12:05 PM
Some people want to be buried when they die. Others want to be cremated. Personally, I think I would like to be brought back to life.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
despite what my D.A.R.E. officer said, getting high is fun
September 22, 2026 at 3:10 AM
despite what my D.A.R.E. officer said, getting high is fun
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Me: Wanna make out?
Her: Ew,gross.
Me: Fine, see you at family dinner tomorrow.
Her: Ew,gross.
Me: Fine, see you at family dinner tomorrow.
September 19, 2026 at 1:24 AM
Me: Wanna make out?
Her: Ew,gross.
Me: Fine, see you at family dinner tomorrow.
Her: Ew,gross.
Me: Fine, see you at family dinner tomorrow.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Did anyone else’s physical involve karate kicks and french kissing or do I need to get a new doctor?
September 21, 2026 at 8:45 PM
Did anyone else’s physical involve karate kicks and french kissing or do I need to get a new doctor?
Reposted by Knottsferatu
*wakes up in a dumpster with no idea how I got there*
This feels right.
This feels right.
September 22, 2026 at 4:12 PM
*wakes up in a dumpster with no idea how I got there*
This feels right.
This feels right.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Hairspraying my face to keep my scowl in place.
September 22, 2026 at 4:32 PM
Hairspraying my face to keep my scowl in place.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
Actually ma'am, not many people know this, but it's a portmanteau of man and explaining.
September 22, 2026 at 11:27 AM
Actually ma'am, not many people know this, but it's a portmanteau of man and explaining.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
remember: everyone is going through something. It could be a tunnel, it could be a plate-glass window, maybe even a molecular teleportation device. The point is… this post should have remained a draft.
September 21, 2026 at 1:43 PM
remember: everyone is going through something. It could be a tunnel, it could be a plate-glass window, maybe even a molecular teleportation device. The point is… this post should have remained a draft.
Reposted by Knottsferatu
already said 'my bad' we don't have to get the authorities involved
September 20, 2026 at 5:22 PM
already said 'my bad' we don't have to get the authorities involved