Spot on, Mr. Rather. 🎯 💯
December 7, 2025 at 4:21 PM
Spot on, Mr. Rather. 🎯 💯
This aged rather poorly.
January 5, 2025 at 10:45 PM
This aged rather poorly.
Dan Rather brings the fire🔥
November 17, 2024 at 2:34 AM
Dan Rather brings the fire🔥
I would rather fucking kill myself
I wonder if anyone at The Onion has trained an LLM on the entire Onion archives and set it loose.
September 18, 2024 at 11:59 PM
I would rather fucking kill myself
I'd rather drink goat's blood.
December 23, 2025 at 6:59 PM
I'd rather drink goat's blood.
I'd rather have an economy that makes 1,000 millionaires than 1 billionaire.
October 1, 2026 at 10:03 PM
I'd rather have an economy that makes 1,000 millionaires than 1 billionaire.
The bronzer is looking rather Wonka lately.
May 7, 2025 at 9:48 PM
The bronzer is looking rather Wonka lately.
Reporting live from Chicago, there’s no “hellscape” I’d rather be in.
October 10, 2025 at 4:19 AM
Reporting live from Chicago, there’s no “hellscape” I’d rather be in.
I'd rather drink goats' blood.
September 6, 2026 at 11:12 PM
I'd rather drink goats' blood.
Jimmy Carter’s peanut farm seems rather quaint now.
May 4, 2025 at 2:42 AM
Jimmy Carter’s peanut farm seems rather quaint now.
We need Dan Rather in our main stream media again. He was not a coward in his reporting.
October 3, 2026 at 6:16 PM
We need Dan Rather in our main stream media again. He was not a coward in his reporting.
i would rather remove my eyeballs than witness an AI tingler cover
Hello, esteemed mr Tingle... I'd like to inquire, by nature of the times we live in, whether you use AI at all for your covers these days.
October 1, 2026 at 9:38 PM
i would rather remove my eyeballs than witness an AI tingler cover
April 6, 2026 at 2:23 PM
Personally, I’d rather have healthy kids than mollycoddled millionaires
September 27, 2026 at 8:27 AM
Personally, I’d rather have healthy kids than mollycoddled millionaires
My goth witches 🖤
Who would you rather hang out with?
Who would you rather hang out with?
October 23, 2024 at 6:43 PM
My goth witches 🖤
Who would you rather hang out with?
Who would you rather hang out with?
I'd rather continue to fund the banking police (who have returned billions to consumers) rather than giving everyone a check for $2.15
February 11, 2025 at 12:00 AM
I'd rather continue to fund the banking police (who have returned billions to consumers) rather than giving everyone a check for $2.15
I would rather die than create an account to continue
July 30, 2025 at 1:29 PM
I would rather die than create an account to continue
I'd rather be sleeping
January 12, 2026 at 6:54 PM
I'd rather be sleeping
I'd rather we fund cancer research than Elon's exploding rockets.
I'd rather we fund critical services for our veterans than Elon's swasticars for our embassies.
I'd rather we stop oligarchs from using our treasury as their personal piggy bank.
I'd rather we fund critical services for our veterans than Elon's swasticars for our embassies.
I'd rather we stop oligarchs from using our treasury as their personal piggy bank.
March 7, 2025 at 3:35 PM
I'd rather we fund cancer research than Elon's exploding rockets.
I'd rather we fund critical services for our veterans than Elon's swasticars for our embassies.
I'd rather we stop oligarchs from using our treasury as their personal piggy bank.
I'd rather we fund critical services for our veterans than Elon's swasticars for our embassies.
I'd rather we stop oligarchs from using our treasury as their personal piggy bank.
I’d rather share the bathroom with a trans person rather than someone in a MAGA hat.
November 19, 2024 at 7:03 PM
I’d rather share the bathroom with a trans person rather than someone in a MAGA hat.
I’d rather be annoying than oblivious.
These days, neutrality looks more like surrender.
These days, neutrality looks more like surrender.
September 27, 2026 at 6:42 PM
I’d rather be annoying than oblivious.
These days, neutrality looks more like surrender.
These days, neutrality looks more like surrender.
I’d rather have root canal than watch his state of the union.
March 4, 2025 at 6:06 PM
I’d rather have root canal than watch his state of the union.