#WillyAndBill
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willyandbill.bsky.social
I speak directly to you now, Kemi Badenoch.

And in that voice, let me say it plain: fuck off.

satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/dear-kemi-...
#UKPolictics, #Badenoch, #ToryCuts, #VAWG, #willyandbill #EndViolenceAgainstWomen, #LawAndOrder, #BritishPolitics, #OnlineSafety, #FactCheckUK, #JusticeSystem
Dear Kemi Badenoch: Fuck Off With The Anti-Misogyny Panic
An open letter from the schools and courts your party hollowed out to the Conservative leader now sneering at prevention, blaming migrants, and calling it “protecting women and girls”.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
December 19, 2025 at 3:17 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Also, Britain has apparently been “colonised by immigrants”, according to a billionaire who lives in Monaco.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...
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#BrusselsFlirtation #EpsteinFallout #LoyaltyCardBritain #UKPolitics #Starmer #Ratcliffe #MonacoTax #CostOfLiving #NationalMood #WillyAndBill
Today’s Papers #159: Brussels Flirtation, Epstein Fallout, And Britain Clutching A Loyalty Card While The Ceiling Comes In
Peerages like loyalty points, outrage sold like a multipack, and the country soothed by porridge discounts while the grown-ups argue about “judgment” with a straight face.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
February 12, 2026 at 3:27 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Disclaimer: Based on real events, presented through satire. No allegation of illegality is made.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/flashback-...

#RupertLowe #GreatYarmouth #CharityRow #MND #BorderFarce #SocialMediaPanic #BritishSatire #WillyAndBill #RowingForACause #Dinghies #UKPolitics
FLASHBACK NEWS: Independent MP Rupert Lowe saw a boat off the Norfolk coast
Dinghies coming into Great Yarmouth, RIGHT NOW!
satiricalplanet.substack.com
February 18, 2026 at 1:39 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Warwick woke up to find its lampposts moonlighting as flagpoles.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/reform-uk-...
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#WarwickFlags #FlagGate #RaiseTheColours #LocalGovLaffs #RuleOfLaw #WillyAndBill
Reform UK: Council Leader Pressed for Answers After Overnight Flagging of Warwick Lampposts
Matt Western MP publishes his letter to Councillor George Finch, asking whether “Raise the Colours” had permission to attach Union and St George’s flags to street lights
satiricalplanet.substack.com
February 25, 2026 at 12:50 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Good morning Britain. It’s Friday, 20 February 2026.
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...
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#TodaysPapers #UKPress #FrontPages #MediaSatire #RoyalArrest #MonarchyCrisis #LawMustTakeItsCourse #EpsteinFiles #TabloidVsBroadsheet #SPN #WillyAndBill #AlienFiles #Telegraph #TheTimes #Guardian #FT
Today’s Papers #167: Britain Gets A Royal Arrest, The Papers Get A Group Chat, And Everyone Hides Behind One Sentence
Same photo, same car, same quote, different fonts, different levels of panic.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
February 20, 2026 at 10:25 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Satirical Planet News: Weather Report, Monday 02 February 2026
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...
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#UKWeather #BrokenBritain #NationalMoistureAllocationUnit #GritWatch2026 #FloodRisk #UnprecedentedMyArse #WillyAndBill #WeatherSatire #ResilienceTheatre
Satirical Planet News: Weather Report, Monday 02 February 2026
Updated 07:13 after someone finally admitted grit is not a “nice-to-have”. Live from the National Moisture Allocation Unit, where “weather resilience” means a press release and a high-vis photo.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
February 2, 2026 at 9:34 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Good morning to the lovely people of Britain, and the even luckier people abroad.
#UKPolitics #UKPol #SundayPapers #MediaSatire
#Twixmas #SatiricalPlanet #ProseccoCommunion
#BritishHumour #Establishment #WillyAndBill
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...
Today’s Papers #117: The Peerage, The Peace Plan And The Prosecco Communion
War haggled over in Florida, honours handed out like loyalty points, and Britain told the real danger is teenagers on TikTok.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
December 28, 2025 at 11:32 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
This is part one of the series, and it’s not sci-fi, it’s Tuesday.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/north-west...
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#NorthWestBylines #ClimateCrisis #UKHomeInsurance #FloodRisk #FoodSecurity #SupplyChains #ClimateAdaptation #Resilience #WillyAndBill #UKPolitics #Heatwaves #StormsUK #InsuranceReform
North West Bylines: Are we in a climate dystopia, or just reading the small print of UK home insurance?
In the first of this series, we show UK climate crisis is not a dystopian future; it affects food security, supply chains, flooding, insurance (Pt 1)
satiricalplanet.substack.com
January 22, 2026 at 12:03 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/smoke-mach...
#NetanyahuTrial #IranConflict #PoliticalAutopsy #CorruptionCase #Case4000 #TrumpNetanyahu #MiddleEastPolitics #InternationalCriminalCourt #WarAndPolitics #LegalBattle #DemocracyUnderSiege #SecurityTheatre #GlobalNews #WillyAndBill #PoliticalSatire
Smoke Machines and Rubble: When Leaders Sell Fear and Ordinary People Pay
War Abroad, Trial at Home, and the Politics of Permanent Fear
satiricalplanet.substack.com
March 4, 2026 at 10:01 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
How the Dead Keep Voting & the Living Keep Paying.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/on-inherit...
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#InheritanceTax #MeritocracyMyth #WealthGap #GenerationalTrauma #SilverSpoonSarcasm #SocialMobility #ClassWarfare #WillyAndBill #TheLaddersBroken #EquityVsEquality #EconomicJustice #LegacyWealth
On Inheritance: We Are All Heirs To Something
How the Dead Keep Voting, and the Living Keep Paying
satiricalplanet.substack.com
February 25, 2026 at 12:52 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
This piece is fiction and satire. Any resemblance to real events or persons is used purely for parody.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...
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#BrokenBritain #TobyCarveryForecast #WillyAndBill #Satire #UKWeather #FamilyValues #FloodOlympics #LaminatedMap #MoistureFitness #StayDamp
Satirical Planet News Weather, Monday 23 February 2026
Live from the Family Values Forecast Unit, wedged above a Toby Carvery, where the air is 40% gravy, 60% regret, and 100% “this meeting could have been an email”
satiricalplanet.substack.com
February 23, 2026 at 9:07 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
SPN Weather Report
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...
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#UKWeather #WeatherSatire #SatiricalPlanetNews #BrokenBritain #RainWatch #FloodAlerts #ColdSnap #SnowAndIce #DampNation #Bureaucracy #StormLife #UKHumour #WillyAndBill #ResilienceTheatre #GritGate #IceWarning #FloodedAgain #Lanyards
Satirical Planet News: Weather, Friday 13 February 2026
Live from the National Atmospheric Rebrand Unit, where every cold snap is a “reset”, every icy patch is “operational learning”, and the only thing moving faster than the wind is the blame.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
February 13, 2026 at 9:46 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Issued 07:12. Updated 07:13 for Narrative Reasons.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...
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#SatiricalPlanetNews #WeatherReport #UKSatire #MediaCritique #PoliticalSatire #ProcessHell #ContinuityCollapse #Britain #NewsParody #WillyAndBill #Legends #BullshitDetector #AdminFoggy
Satirical Planet News: Weather Report, Friday 30 January 2026
Issued 07:12. Updated 07:13 for Narrative Reasons. Live from the Pressure System Control Room, where fronts are “actioned”, and continuity is “pending review”.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
January 30, 2026 at 10:20 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Good morning to the lovely people of Britain & the even luckier people abroad.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...
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#TodaysPapers #UKPolitics #Satire #MediaCritique #ReformUK #PressWatch #CostOfLiving #Democracy #Immigration #LateCapitalism #WillyAndBill #ClubcardNation #ProcessPanic
Today’s Papers #147: Reset Buttons, Raffle Government, And The National Pizza Of Denial
Diplomacy sold as a photo, cruelty filed as “process”, and Britain kept calm with glitter, gambling, and a Clubcard discount while democracy buffers in the background.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
January 30, 2026 at 10:16 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
A St Albans upbringing, elite networks, and a ‘man of the people’ act that collapses on contact.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/reforms-ma...
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#MattGoodwin #ReformUK #GortonAndDenton #ByElection26 #StAlbansProf #EliteAcademic #MancunianAct #SuellaBraverman #TheBlob #WillyAndBill #PoliticalAutopsy
Reform’s Matt Goodwin: “Manchester made me who I am.” Here’s what he left out
A St Albans upbringing, elite networks, and a ‘man of the people’ act that collapses on contact
satiricalplanet.substack.com
January 27, 2026 at 9:07 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Good morning to the lovely people of Britain and the even luckier people abroad.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...
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#TodaysPapers #WillyAndBill #Satire #UKPolitics #Greenland #Arctic #NATO #Tariffs #Democracy #Media #Clubcard #Tesco #Davos #Trump #RulesBasedOrder #Tabloids #News #BBC
Today’s Papers #141: Framework Nation, Clubcard Sovereignty, And The Arctic As A Subscription Add-On
Council Helpline Geopolitics, Nato Sticker Charts, And Tesco Oranges Governing Better Than Parliament
satiricalplanet.substack.com
January 22, 2026 at 12:01 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Good morning to the lovely people of Britain, and the even luckier people abroad.
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...
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#TodaysPapers #UKPolitics #StarmerUturn #DigitalID #NorthernPowerhouseRail #PubsInCrisis #BudgetBlues #IranProtests #Trump #MediaSatire #WillyAndBill #VoucherNations
Today’s Papers #134: Optional Britain, Railway Fan Fiction, and a Free Pass to Pretend Everything’s Fine
Starmer drops compulsory digital IDs, the North gets £45bn with delivery in the 2030s, pubs take a double hit, and Trump promises Iran “help is on the way” like it’s a cliffhanger. Terms, conditions a
satiricalplanet.substack.com
January 14, 2026 at 9:27 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Britain. We love contracts like we love queues, drizzle, and pretending we are not furious until we suddenly are.
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#ReformUK #UKPolitics #OurContractWithYou #NHS #BritanniaCard #WillyAndBill #Satire #SmallState #CostOfLiving #BritishPolitics
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satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/reform-our...
Reform: Our Contract with You, or, Britain’s New Direct Debit for Pain
Opinion | Satire: A cheerful guide to shrinking the state, upselling healthcare, and introducing a VIP lane for billionaires, all while calling it “renewal”
satiricalplanet.substack.com
January 5, 2026 at 1:01 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Good morning to the people of Britain and the lucky folks abroad, watching an island rejoin reality while screaming about the bill.
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...
#SATIRE
#TomorrowsPapersToday #UKPolitics #NHS #Erasmus #JuniorDoctors #Ukraine #KemiBadenoch #CouncilTax #WillyAndBill
Today’s Papers #109: Erasmus Sticker Shock, Union Bashing, and Peacekeepers On Standby
Doctors get blamed, students get priced, peace gets prepared on instalments, and the rich discover what council tax is while wasps and Germans seize the darts.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
December 18, 2025 at 7:18 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Your column on “declining, neurotic Europe” reads less like analysis and more like freelance PR for Trump’s big strategy paper
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/dear-tim-s...
#TheTelegraph #TimStanley #EuropeanPolitics #MediaCriticism #NATO #Trump2025 #CultureWar #Geopolitics #UKPolitics #WillyAndBill
Dear Tim Stanley: Stop Calling Capitulation “Tough Love”
An open letter from the continent you keep diagnosing as “neurotic” to the columnist doing unpaid comms for Trump’s security strategy and calling it tough love.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
December 17, 2025 at 7:48 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Good morning to the people of Britain, and the luckier people abroad watching this island try government like an escape room.
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

#SundayPapers #UKPolitics #NHSCrisis #MediaLiteracy

#BrokenBritain #NetZero #CostOfLiving

#WillyAndBill #PoliticalSatire
Today’s Papers #105: Starmer “rocked”, justice “denied”, and a flu-soaked nation held together by panic
Coup whispers, royal rage, cancelled kids’ ops, petrol backlash, and free wrapping paper dangled over the wreckage like it’s meant to fix anything.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
December 14, 2025 at 7:00 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
Trump lurks in the background, Charles smiles on cue, Starmer swings at doctors & the papers sing carols for the status quo.
#KingCharles #NHSCrisis #DuchyOfLancaster #TaxTheRich #UKPolitics #MediaWatch #Austerity #RoyalFamily #CostOfLiving #WillyAndBill
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...
Today’s Papers #104: King’s “good news”, bad flu, worse bosses
Trump lurks in the background, Charles smiles on cue, Starmer swings at doctors, and the papers sing carols for the status quo.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
December 13, 2025 at 1:22 PM
willyandbill.bsky.social
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/tuna-bacon...
#VaccinesWork #DaveFromFacebook #PublicHealth #WillyAndBill #ScienceFacts #PoliticalSatire #AntiVax #Measles #ConspiracyTheories #GetJabbed
Tuna, bacon and ice cream are more toxic than vaccines
Opinion by Willy and Bill
satiricalplanet.substack.com
December 9, 2025 at 11:48 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/failing-up...

#JonathanGullis #PoliticalAutopsy #CentreForSocialJustice

#FailingUpwards #IainDuncanSmith #MayorOfKidsgrove

#HypocrisyIncorporated #BrokenBritain #WillyAndBill

#StokeOnTrentNorth #ukpolitics
Failing Upwards: Jonathan Gullis and the CSJ
Britain’s premier think tank for hypocrisy, now hiring hecklers.
satiricalplanet.substack.com
December 9, 2025 at 11:46 AM
willyandbill.bsky.social
#NigelFarage #ReformUK #PoliticalAutopsy #Clacton #ThornInTheSide #NigelCoin #WillyAndBill #BritishPolitics #ukpolotics #CockroachInTrousers
satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/nigel-fara...
Nigel Farage: A cockroach in human trousers
Still crawling after all these years
satiricalplanet.substack.com
December 9, 2025 at 11:44 AM